When you experience a bad love relationship (or a series of bad love relationships) you can start to feel as if you’re like one of those mice who keep getting an electric shock every time they go for cheese. After a while you think, “Hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t go for that cheese any more.”
But you’ve got to have love in your life to be happy! It’s in our human biological nature, says my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle. He called love an “essential external good” of the highest importance – with insight and knowledge being “essential internal goods.”
Our true nature, according to Aristotle, is to love and be loved!
Although, admittedly after a bad break up, the concept of love can feel more like 2,456,841st nature.
I confess in my best selling e-book Prince Harming Syndrome, that after I discovered my Prince Harming cheating, I was tempted to keep myself emotionally protected.
Thankfully, this breakup eventually led me to a big breakthrough. I realized I was not meant to learn: “I’ll never fall in love again!”
I was meant to learn:
“I didn’t fully understand what true love was all about.”
Thanks to this ex, I gained a plethora of insights on love – which led me to break my bad love patterns for good – and find a safe and loving partner!
So much so, I’ve re-nicknamed him my “Teacher.” I even replaced his name in my cell phone with this word.At this point, I’m convinced that nearly all our lessons in life are lessons in love.
A big-time lesson: learning to let go of your anger at your ex – even if they’ve harmed you.
If you’ve suffered heartache due to a Prince Harming or Princess Harming, you must compassionately understand that their “harming” is a sign of their inability to love rightly – because they’re operating from a lower consciousness – as well as places of limitation. As a result Prince Harmings – and Princess Harmings – are living a life with limited and lower level experiences – which they brings to all they do – and all who they meet.
When you view your ex with this wider lens of compassionate understanding, you can better let go of the pain you’re feeling – and shine the light of your attention on the good parts of your life – the parts you want to grow and thrive.
If you are to move forward into a healthy love relationship, you must release past negative emotions — all those lower vibrational energies created by anger, resentment and fears. You must do this for many reasons.
Let me start to explain by sharing a little story about a snake and a mistake.
There once was a woman who was wandering in the desert and was bitten by a poisonous snake. All she could think about was how angry she was at this poisonous snake for biting her and angry at herself for wandering in the desert. And so she could not relax, forgive the snake, forgive herself and thereby calmly see that she could solve this poison problem and save her life, simply by sucking out the poison from her arm, as she’d learned years ago—but forgotten because she was angry. She passed away. The lesson learned? Forgiveness is a panacea for what ails you.
It’s funny. We all rationalize our anger as a necessary force to impel us to better results. But more often than not, anger blocks us from full mental clarity.
Aristotle said it well when he said:
“We are easily deceived by our sense perceptions when we are in an emotional state…so that even a very slight resemblance makes the coward think that he sees his enemy … and the more emotional he is, the smaller is the similarity required to produce this effect.”
Basically, it’s in your best mental interest to release your anger – so you can see the world more clearly. Anger is not only unhealthy for your mental state, but also for your body, creating coronary heart disease and high blood pressure.
Researchers at the University of Ohio have reported that angry people take even longer to recover from injury.
Anger has also been shown to be at the root of many addictions as far ranging as drug, alcohol, food and shopping addictions.
Addicts seek these vices to avoid feeling the pain of past resentments. Their anger becomes a boomerang—a “boomeranger” of sorts—coming back to whack them with an addiction.
A recent study by the University of Wisconsin did a test comparing “Forgiveness Therapy” versus routine drug/alcohol therapy.
They showed “Forgiveness Therapy” helped to relieve the anger behind substance abuse even more successfully than routine drug/alcohol therapy. Not only did subjects display faster success, but created less recidivism.
Basically, just as there is alluring sexual attraction (which people can feel but not see), there’s also angry energy repulsion (which people can feel but not see).
If you think angry thoughts, you will literally emit an angry vibration that can be intuitively felt by others—as if you’re giving off an anti-charisma.
Many quantum physicists believe your angry vibration can be felt in a larger universal energy field—thereby attracting negative circumstances. A well-known quantum physics expert, Lynne McTaggert, wrote about a study she witnessed where a happy person sent out loving energetic thoughts to an angry person, which then successfully calmed this angry person’s temper.
For these many reasons—and more—The Law of Attraction begins with The Law of Subtraction!
Meaning? If you want to find healthful love, you must first let go of the pain of your past. With this in mind, here are 10 forgiveness tools.
1. Tell yourself: “I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can control what goes on inside. I forgive my ex, and am determined to gain insights on how to wisely avoid love situations like this one in my future.” Become determined to make this the breakup that led to your breakthrough. Or as I like to say: “Sometimes you have to reach ‘f*** this’ to get to ‘post-f*** this,’” the highly energized time when you are determined to break patterns of pain.
2. Rewrite your ex’s name in your cell phone as “Teacher.” Trust me. You will feel better immediately.
3. Write a thank you letter to your ex for all you’ve learned. Don’t send it. Keep it nearby to read every time you find yourself slipping back into your angry thoughts.
4. Tell yourself: “We are all good, loving souls who occasionally get lost.”
5. Remind yourself of a time you were forgiven. Be altruistic. Forgive back to your ex.
6. Remind yourself that when you resent someone you give them control of your emotions. You don’t want to give your ex that power.
7. Remind yourself when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you ironically become part of the problem.
8. If you’re feeling stressed in general about your ex, supplement your SAM-e levels—which is a naturally occurring molecule produced in the body that becomes depleted due to stress, age and diet.
9. Remind yourself that when you train your brain to think more loving thoughts, your positive energy attracts more positive people and results. Plus, being peaceful makes you far sexier—so you’re more of a love magnet instead of a negativity magnet.
10. Remember: Being awesome is the best revenge! Put your energies into doing what you love – with who you love. Your mission: Be so busy loving your life, that you have no time for anger, regret, resentment or fear!
Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.