"Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?" Here's Why - And A Tool Which Works

“Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex?” Here’s Why – And A Tool Which Works

"Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?" Here's Why - And A Tool Which Works
“Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex?” I get emails which ask me that question all the time! In fact, I’m writing this essay today because I received an interesting email from a woman who writes….

Dear Karen, 

I have been with a Prince Harming for 4 years. I’m trying to break away now. It should be easy – because he abandons me all the time – and disappears as easy as pie!

I always go looking for him. And I find him – and the cycle begins. Why can’t I get over my ex?

I’m so emotionally entwined with him. I get that I’m in love with who I WANTED him to be – but how can I more deeply see him for who he really he is – and get over it? All of my friends see it.

A dumbass

"WWhy Can't I Get Over My Ex?" Here's Why - And A Tool Which Works
Firstly this woman is not a dumbass. She’s simply someone who’s having trouble with her “Act 3.”

Let me explain. For a few years I lived in L.A. writing sitcoms. I sold original concepts for funny TV shows to the networks (NBC, FOX, MTV) –  mostly around the topic of the dysfunctions of love.

I loved writing sitcoms – but I found I always struggled with the third act – where the characters were supposed to learn something – then change for the better.

Although I was writing funny sitcoms, the plot still had to be believable.

I pretty much breezed through writing Act 1 and Act 2 – because they were about describing the problem.

Act 3 was really where all the main action took place – because it was where The Ultimate Big Change had to occur.

I always struggled writing Act 3 because I had to come up with a plot point – a life-changing tool or event – something amazing which might happen – to inspire the character to finally change their stupid ways.

Although I no longer write sitcoms for a living – I still struggle with Act 3’s  – the ones in my own life.

"Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?" Here's Why - And A Tool Which Works
I often know I have a problem to solve – but as far as coming up with the CLUNK on my head which gets me to finally stop my silly ways – well, that’s a hard act to create – and follow.

I know I’m not alone.  In fact, this is why I received the email from the woman who claims she is a dumbass –  which she is NOT.

As mentioned earlier, she is simply stuck in Act 3. She needs to get that powerful CLUNK on the head.

I see this all the time. People stuck in their Act 3’s.  Maybe you relate?

So here’s a powerful tool for creating a successful Act 3 CLUNK – to get over someone you need to get over. I’ve used this tool myself – and it even helped me to get over a King Harming!


"Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?" Here's Why - And A Tool Which Works
Write up a description of your Toxic Partner – as if someone’s going to set you up with them on a blind date.

BUT – instead of listing all their awesome qualities – list all their crazy-making qualities- so you’re basically writing a description of “The Blind Date From Hell.”

The key is to write it up sarcastically – as if all these terrible traits are something terrific. I’ll go first. Here’s an example.

“Hey Karen, I’ve got a guy I want you to meet. He’s an amazing liar – one of the best liars I’ve ever met! He’s also a courageous liar. He will introduce you to the other women he’s sleeping with – while claiming to be monogamous with you.  Doesn’t he sound great? But wait – there’s more! When you’re going through something really tough – he’ll completely abandon you! So — can I fix you up? What do you say?”

After reading this description, would I ever want to meet and be with this guy? No way!

Now it’s your turn.  Create a “Write From Wrong List.”

"Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?" Here's Why - And A Tool Which Works
List all the toxic qualities of the someone you want to break free from. And make sure you ONLY list their toxic qualities – their BEST toxic qualities. Write it all up with loads of sarcasm – as if you’re excitedly detailing terrific qualities. Then read it back to yourself – as many times as you need to – until you make the big CLUNK of a point to yourself – that THIS person is NOT someone you should want to be with!

Hopefully this “Blind Date Tool” will become an “I Can Finally See Tool.”  It will not only make you laugh – but make you finally fully see your toxic partner for the truly toxic person they are – so you can finally leave the struggles of Act 2 behind you – and enjoy a far happier Act 3!

Scroll down below! Share your own “Blind Date From Hell” description- and read what other people wrote!

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Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

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