Sometimes, when you’re in a relationship for a long time, your soulmate can start to feel more like your “ol’ mate,” and that sizzle can start to fizzle. Read on for 7 helpful relationship tools to learn how to keep love and passion strong.
Love at first sight is easy.
It’s love at 1,001st sight that can be very difficult. It’s when you both show your very human and flawed selves to one another.
People are sometimes overly human – and thereby many conflicts can occur.
But…if you want to be part of a perfect couple, you must accept you will be part of an “imperfect couple.”
You will not always feel 100 percent in love with your partner, 100 percent of the time.
You will never find perfect, custom-fit love in a world of off-the-rack people.
John Gottman, founder of The Love Lab, discovered in his research that long-term, happily married couples disagree – on a regular basis.
In fact, Gottman discovered happily married couples often disagree just as much as couples who divorce.
Happily married couples accept that there will be disagreements – and value working through problems—putting in the work of repair – so as to enjoy the longterm benefits of being in a thriving relationship.
Basically, happily married couples accept that true love requires some true work.
With this in mind, here are…
Yo! Your partner is not a mind reader.
I hate to break it to you, but even mind readers are not really mind readers. They’re clever showbiz folks.
So, if something is on your mind, share it.
One of my favorite quotes is from Emile Zola: “I came into this world to live out loud.”
Live out loud, dammit! Your love life is only as strong as your open communication. True love requires love of truth.
Remember: Good communication is always about listening just as much as it’s about talking.
The feisty writer Fran Leibowitz once quipped:
“The opposite of talking isn’t listening. It’s waiting.”
Prove Fran wrong.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes so you better understand how they feel.
Many modern therapists instruct couples in therapy to “play act” each other’s view.
So before you think those boots are made for walking out of your relationship, try on your partner’s shoes and step into their perspective.
Find out by asking for an “equal share time” about your annoyingly irksome habits.
Swap “same-value habit complaints” like same-value baseball cards.”
Start with a teeny complaint. Build up to a huge complaint.
The reason why it’s good to swap?
Remember: You are the common denominator in all your relationship problems.
Share a long talk with your partner about each of your childhoods—the good, bad, and dysfunctional.
Recognize that you are often subconsciously attracted to someone who represents the best/worst of your parents, so you can re-create, and then mend, your childhood disappointments about love.
Here’s an article which will help you understand if your limiting beliefs from childhood are sabotaging your happiness.
Even though I’m telling you to talk more openly, you must do so within “a moderation zone.”
Set the following intention:
“I will not complain about anything to my partner for the next three days.”
Here’s an article about how and why to go on a “Complaint Cleanse.”
You should never coast on saying “I love you” without showing love, or eventually you’ll chew all of the flavor out of these words.
During challenging times, when you’re tempted to not be your most loving self, ask yourself
“How would love deal with this issue? What would love do?”
“It’s more important to be loving than to be right!”
If you’re struggling with relationship issues of any kind right now, I’d love to help you further. Love patterns can be broken – with my one-on-one coaching program. Find out more here!