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Want to know how to make love last? Learn these 4 important differences between divorced vs. married couples.
By now it’s about 10 years ago I moved apartments.
When I packed to leave, I discovered I had over 700 books – many of them books with interesting research studies.
I decided it was time to edit my book collection from 700 books to 100.
I made sure that Dr. John Gottman’s books were absolutely brought with me.
I love his tools – and include them in many of my books and in my Secrets of Happy Couples Video Course.
Here’s some of what Gottman has researched and discovered.
Also – criticism and contempt are the top two destroyers.
Or as Dr. Gottman himself says: “Satisfied couples maintained a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative moments in their relationship, whereas couples heading for divorce allowed that ratio to slip below…to often one-to-one.”
Dr. Gottman’s prescription: If you’re having problems with your honey,add more honey! Give a hug. Cuddle. Compliment.
Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the following order:
Research also consistently shows money plays a far lesser role in divorce – usually ranking about fifth in the blame line-up – behind incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems.
(Note: According to Olivia Mellan, author of “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships” even when couples fight about money, they’re often fighting about underlying problems. Mellan reminds: “Fights about money are usually more about what money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth.”)
A couple is only as “strong” as their “weakest moments” – how they handle conflict!
There are 3 conflict strategies:
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