Does Your "Communication Style" Hurt or Help You? - Karen Salmansohn

Does Your “Communication Style” Hurt or Help You?

There’s a very consistent reason that people have relationship problems and wind up in an unhealthy dynamic.

bad communication

Basically, the better your communication skills, the healthier your relationship.

Consider the following 6 communication problems…

  • indirect communication (you hint, hint at what you want to say without ever saying it – and hope the other person is a mind reader)
  • passive-aggressive communication (you’re sarcastic about what you want to say)
  • aggressive-aggressive communication (you’re obnoxious about what you want to say – you’re a bully – a rager etc…)
  • stonewalling communication  (you choose to say absolutely nothing about how you feel)
  • untruthful communication  (you make up lies in an effort to get what you want and avoid conflicts)
  • egocentric communication (you are a bad listener and only communicate about your thoughts and feelings – without the communication being a two-way street back and forth)

Here’s the communication style you want to practice…

  • direct, empathic communication (you speak up warmly and with compassion – at the speed of life -and nip problems in the bud before they grow unruly).
    Does Your "Communication Style" Hurt or Help You?

Steps to change?

You must get honest with yourself and recognize that you might have what I call a “Portable Childhood” – where you are re-creating the communication issues you learned in childhood.

For example…

As a child you grew up in a home with lots of bad communication and very little good communication.

Perhaps you grew up with a dad who greeted problems with silence – or a passive aggressive sarcasm – and so you learned these bad communication styles.

Or perhaps you had a mom who was very Mommy Dearest – and shrieked at you all the time. If so, you will attempt to recreate “Shriek Two, The Saga Continues.” 

Basically – you became a bad communicator because you grew up in a home with bad communicators.

You have to first own your part in the problem – so you can disown your part in the problem.

You have to mindfully choose to switch from your default setting of “bad communicator” to the manual setting of “direct, empathic communicator.”

Click here to read an article with 10 researched tools to help you to become a direct, empathic communicator.

Reading time: 6 minutes.

If you don’t have 6 minutes to read the article, below are 2 helpful mantras to help you to reset your communication style to warmly direct.

Repeat these mantras daily to remind yourself to be a warmly direct communicator:

  • It’s easier to smoosh a little monster than a big monster. I will speak up warmly at the speed of life.
  • It’s always better to have a difficult small conversation sooner, rather than try to mend a hugely difficult problem later. I will speak up warmly and with empathy.

Think happier. Think calmer.

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Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

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