Learn to walk away from the drama in your life, by learning about the Me-Self versus I-Self. Understand your inner observer versus inner observed.
Picture this: You wake up, and from the moment your feet hit the cold floor, there’s this nagging commentator in your head. It’s giving you a rundown of all the things you should be stressing about today.
It’s like having a backseat driver in your mind’s theater, constantly pointing out potential dramas and pitfalls – encouraging you to envision worst-case scenarios!
Now, what if I told you that there’s a way to walk away from this drama… by confronting this buzzkill commentator!
Your “Me Self” is the chatterbox in your mind. It narrates your life like a personal biographer, gathering all the bits and pieces of your experiences. The good. And the bad. Plus the damn right ugly.
It’s the part of you that says, “Alright, this is the story of me based on everything that’s happened so far.”
Unfortunately, your “Me-Self” is not simply shaped by your own little adventures and mishaps. But also by what others think and say about you.
So your “Me-Self” becomes like your personal Yelp review page.
As a result, your “Me-Self” becomes like a toxic friend. It’s always getting trapped in a whirlpool of past regrets and future dilemmas. It turns every small event into a major drama… and constantly hyper-focuses on what people think.
But here’s the good news. You can decide to tune into the I Self instead!
No, the “I Self” is not the latest Apple product. It’s your conscious self. The “I” is you when you’re in the driver’s seat, actively experiencing things, thinking, and you know, just being present.
The “I Self” is that part of you that says, “I am reading this right now,” and really feeling and living the moment.
Your “I Self” is your internal rock star who knows how to walk away from drama, breathe in the present moment, and actually enjoy the simple pleasures of life — like a lazy Sunday morning without the anxiety of the upcoming week.
It’s the version of you that can savor a cup of coffee without spiraling into a monologue about calories or the political implications of your coffee beans.
William James is a prominent psychologist, and philosopher from the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He was the one who first thought up these “I-Self” and “Me-Self” concepts to describe different components of the self.
He basically said:
William James was like the grandmaster of understanding the self – and was far ahead of his time.
In fact, if he were here today, he’d probably be one of those super insightful bloggers with a massive following. He’d be doling out online posts of wisdom that make you nod along thinking, “Damn, that’s so true.”
Only, he did it way back in the 1800s, making himself a true visionary.
Okay. Enough with the history lesson. Right now you’re probably wondering….
No worries. I’m a leading Behavioral Change Expert…and I’m here to help! Coming up I’m going to explain how to switch over from the overly-dramatic and negative self talk of the “Me-Self” to the happier, wiser “I-Self.”
I’m writing this article because I’m the bestselling author of “Think Happy” and founder of The Anxiety Cure Course – which is a therapist-recommended online program.
I’m committed to helping people to live their most fulfilling lives.
Read on to learn how to cozy up more regularly with your observer self – so you can enjoy more joy in your daily life.
Me-Self (the observed): Becomes preoccupied with a hectic daily schedule and ignores the small joys in everyday experiences.
I-Self (the observer) : Finds joy in being the observer of the present moment, appreciating the simple sensation of a cool breeze or the smell of fresh coffee in the morning, understanding that every moment has its own value and potential for happiness.
Tip: Just be here, now. It sounds simple, yet it’s a powerful antidote to the nagging “Me-Self.” So, how do you do this? Start with small, tangible experiences. Feel the texture of the fabric of your clothes, the aroma of your morning coffee, or the warmth of the sunlight peeking through your window.
A study published in the journal “Psychological Science” in 2010 emphasized that people tend to be happier when they are focused on the present, affirming the importance of being in the now.
So, practice grounding yourself in the present, one sensory experience at a time, and watch your day transform from a scripted drama to a series of delightful, live moments.
Me-Self (the observed: Gets caught in a loop of overthinking and stress, unable to calm the mind or find a peaceful moment amidst the daily chaos, which can lead to burnout and a constant sense of being overwhelmed.
I-Self (the observer): Understands the importance of taking a step back to breathe and reset through meditation. This observer self finds joy and tranquility in the practice, using it as a tool to distance oneself from daily dramas and to recharge.
Tip: Shed the misconceptions about meditation — it’s not about achieving some mystical state but finding a calm within the present moment.
A Harvard study found that regular meditation not only alleviates stress but can change the brain’s structure in a positive way.
Get started with meditation via my online program – The Anxiety Cure Course – recommended by therapists and yoga teachers. Or simply designate a quiet time to focus on your breath for a few minutes each day. The idea is to hit the ‘mute’ button on the “Me-Self” …and allow your inner observer to have a relaxed, judgment-free zone to breathe and be.
Me-Self (the observed: Stays in a comfort zone, reluctant to explore new perspectives, clinging to known paths and routines.
I-Self (the observer): Ventures into unknown territories with a childlike curiosity, asking questions and seeking answers, embracing the spontaneity of life, and learning to appreciate the unknown.
Tip: Channel your inner Curious George, cultivate a genuine interest in the world around you. You might start by taking a different route on your walk or exploring a new hobby without the pressure of being perfect at it.
Ask questions without fearing the judgment of your “Me Self,” and engage deeply with the answers you receive.
Remember, every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow, as long as you’re willing to step out of the scripted role and embrace the wonder of the unscripted world.
Me-Self (the observed: Puts on a facade to please others, constantly suppressing true feelings to avoid conflict, leading to shallow relationships.
I-Self (the observer): Chooses to be vulnerable and authentic, observing and expressing feelings openly – and encouraging others to do the same, cultivating relationships that are deep, meaningful, and joy-filled.
Tip: When it comes to relationships… allow your inner observer to take the helm means embracing vulnerability. It’s shaking off the rehearsed lines and scripted behaviors to show up authentically.
Try to observe and express your feelings calmly and openly, sharing your quirks, and celebrating those of others. It fosters deeper connections, as proven by a series of studies led by Dr. Arthur Aron that showcased that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness.
So, ditch the script, be your fabulous self, and cultivate relationships that are as real and delightful as you are.
Me-Self (the observed: Sticks to plans rigidly and fears deviations, seeing uncertainty as an enemy, hence missing out on unexpected pleasures life might offer.
I-Self (the observer): Embraces the unknown, taking life’s spontaneous turns with grace and a spirit of adventure. It finds joy in serendipitous discoveries and the little surprises life throws at you.
Tip: Allow your inner observer knows to move gracefully through the unscripted dance of life. It’s all about want to observe, learn, and be open to the spontaneous, joyous moments that aren’t orchestrated by the ever-anxious “Me Self.”
So be open to taking an impromptu trip or trying out a weird and wonderful food combo just for the fun of it. Embrace the unknown with a spirit of adventure. Savor the delightful surprises that come your way.
It’s time to kick the observed self to the curb and let more joy into your life. If you’re done playing host to your inner drama queen or inner drama king – and want to reclaim the joy in your life, let’s chat.
Work with me in 1 on 1 coaching sessions to strengthen your mindset. And explore my therapist recommended program The Anxiety Cure Online Course.
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