When Life Feels Unfair: Tools To Help You Cope And Understand Karma

When Life Feels Unfair And Hard: A Tool To Help You Cope If life feels unfair and hard – you will benefit from the insights in this Legos analogy – with tools to cope and understand karma and dharma.

My 3 ½ year old son (Ari Salmansohn) has a passion for Legos – even bigger than his passion for pizza. I know this –  because when Ari’s busy with his Legos, not even pizza can pry him away.

Although Ari loves building Lego structures from boxed sets, he gets an even bigger kick out of taking huge scoopfuls of old Legos (which we keep in plastic buckets) then building the pieces into “One-of-A-Kind Creations.”

I call Ari a Master Builder – a term swiped from a Legos movie to describe someone who’s innovative – who thinks outside of the (Lego) box.

What’s this have to do with life feeling unfair and hard?

An interesting synchronicity united these concepts for me this week.

On Monday, I started yoga teacher training at the amazing Ishta Yoga.  It’s a 5 week intensive program  – which starts daily at 8am. As a result, my normal morning ritual with my son Ari is now disrupted.  No more waking up and leisurely dancing to fun music. I now have to be at Ishta on the mat by 8am.

Every day this week as I made my early departure, my son Ari made it clear that he was not a happy camper about my new yoga camp schedule.  Come Thursday morning, Ari was in total tears. In my efforts to calm him, I came up with a quirky Lego analogy – a playful metaphor I thought would help Ari to embrace going with the flow of this surprise change in our morning routine.

When Life Feels Unfair And Hard: A Tool To Help You Cope“Life is like a scoopful of Legos,” I told Ari.

“You never know what pieces you’re going to get handed to you, ” I said, “but whatever pieces life gives you in a day – it’s up to you to make something really awesome with these pieces.”

“For example,” I continued,  “in today’s scoopful of a morning, I’m not taking you to school – but your favorite babysitter Belinda is.  You didn’t get the “mommy morning piece” today – but you did get the “Belinda morning piece” – and you can make something cool out of that piece.

Each day you get all kinds of assorted pieces. You might not get all the pieces you want. You might even get some pieces you totally do not want.  But you are the Master Builder of your day! It’s up to you to take the pieces you are given  – and make a happy, beautiful day out of these pieces!”

My son Ari contemplated this.

“So, I’m the Master Builder of my day?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said, encouraged by his question. “Yes, you are the Master Builder of your day!”

When Life Feels Hard how to CopeAri’s tears at that moment vanished. I’m not sure if it’s because he understood my Lego analogy.

I admit it’s quite possible that I had simply distracted him with the mention of Legos, Legos, Legos! No matter.

When I was done with this Lego analogy, Ari was done with his crying.

Sigh. Relief.

Later, in yoga teacher training, we talked about life feeling unfair and hard.

My teacher, the inspiring Alan Finger, spoke  about Karma and Dharma. He explained…

  • Karma is the situation you are born into.
  • Dharma is how you choose to act on what you are given   – your free will in how you choose to deal with your Karma.
  • In Tantric philosophy, Karma is why you’re here – in order to work out the seeds of action you carry within you for this lifetime.

What Alan said reminded me of my morning Lego analogy.

When Life Feels Unfair a tool to help you CopeKarma represents the random scoopful of Legos you are born with at the start of your life.

There will be some pieces you’re born with which are totally terrific.

And there will be some pieces you might not know what the heck to do with.

And there will be some pieces you truly wish you were born with – but are completely missing from your particular scoopful of Life Legos.

It’s up to you to build something awesome out of the “Life Lego Pieces” you were given.

And Dharma represents your “Free Will Choice “ in how and what you choose to build out of your particular “Lego Inheritance.”

Alan went on to explain how “Vidya” is the clarity you are meant to achieve so you can see your Karma for what it is – without ego or judgment.

Both yoga and meditation are wonderful at giving you the clarity you need to help you view your “Karmic Fingerprint” without judgment –  as something which makes you unique.

Both yoga and meditation help you to go from a “restless mind” to a “still mind” – to help you to clear away your limiting beliefs, your illusions, and your negative habits – all of which limit your day to day awareness.

Basically, both yoga and meditation are great blockage cleansers which allow you take a happier, calmer gaze at that Big Pile of Life Legos which you were given at birth (plus also all those random Lego pieces which keep coming at you each day – which are also part of your Karma).

With the clarity of “Vidya”  you can better see how to build something truly magnificent with your “Life Lego Loot.”

Alan then went on to explain how according to Tantra, whatever life throws your way is worthy of worship and appreciation.

Every circumstance has within it the opportunity to work out your Karma.

When life feels unfair tell yourself…

  • WRONG Thinking = Life DOES stuff to you.
  • RIGHT Thinking = Life GIVES stuff to you.

Basically, things don’t happen TO you – they happen FOR you.

life can feel unfair and painful during tough times but you can grow from these times

courtesy of Thematic Pictures

Every little piece of your life is there for a reason – to be there as something you can use in some way-  to help you to build your beautiful One-Of-A-Kind Life!

Although you might not see it right away,  every “Life Lego Piece” given to you will come in handy at some point.

Even if you don’t know what the heck to do with this “Life Piece” right away.

Eventually you will find something useful for this seemingly random “Life Piece.”

Even “Seemingly Wonky Life Pieces” will come in handy eventually.

Perhaps they will even serve as a powerful foundation for something else to be built upon it!

The more clear you can get (via meditation ) the faster you’ll be at figuring out how to build something truly beautiful with your “Life Lego Loot.”

If Life Feels Unfair And Hard…

  • Look at each piece of your life lovingly!
  • Stop whining about the pieces you don’t get.
  • Get curious about the pieces you’ve been given.
  • Be patient in your search to find just-the-right pieces to complete the beautiful life you alone are meant to build.
  • Recognize you are in charge of building your own One-of-A-Kind Creation Of A Life.

If you regularly wake up feeling life is hard and unfair…

  • Meditate.

Meditation will help you get clear on knowing what to do with random, surprise Lego pieces flung your way.

When you meditate, you will gain clarity in your heart, that you are the Master Builder Of Your Life.

Want tools to meditate?

Check out my video course The Anxiety Cure – with a range of sensory meditations to help you stay calm and clear focused during hard times.

Plus, my relaxation techniques are recommended by some of our world’s top meditation teachers, like Elena Brower and Kristine Carlson.

Finally, here’s an inspiring quote for when life feels unfair…

Sometimes I find myself in the middle of a difficult situation. I can feel myself provoked and the heat of anger rising. So I say to myself this would not be happening if I didn’t have a karmic debt. And the way I relate to this right now can erase the karmic debt or make the debt deeper. Basically, this type of situation is going to keep manifesting – until I erase this debt. I use all of this as my motivation. My new purpose becomes: Be more patient in the moment, Do not respond with my own irritation. -Pema Chödrön


Think happier. Think calmer.

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