All relationships have various challenges. But there are specific warning signs and red flags to look out for which show if a relationship is in deep trouble. Below are tools to help you more easily tell the difference between healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships.
In my book Prince Harming Syndrome, I humorously describe a Prince Harming as a guy who turns out to be either trouble or trouble-d – although he never starts out this way.
Basically, a Prince Harming lures you in with superficial lures – like sexiness, funniness, wealth, charisma, compliments, love letters – and then – WHACK! Suddenly you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship!
I recognize the appeal of Prince Harming because I’ve been there, dated him. There’s always something terrific you can find about a Prince Harming.
(Note: YES – all of what I’m saying applies equally to Princess Harming unhealthy relationships, as well. But for the simplicity of this short essay and my Prince Harming Syndrome e-book, I only reference the words “Prince Harming.” If you’re someone dealing with a Princess Harming, simply replace the gender difference as you read along!)
Admittedly, trying to differentiate between a Prince Harming and Prince Charming can be as daunting as those visual games in magazines – where you’re shown two almost-identical drawings, then challenged to identify what’s different.
Eventually, as you look closer, you’ll see: “Ooh—unlike a Prince Charming, this prince has two faces, not one! Aha!”
In order to make sure you are able to quickly assess how many faces your prince is sporting, here are 10 of the 50 questions you should ask either your Prince Crush and/or yourself.
Each are excerpted from my Oprah recommended book Prince Harming Syndrome (which I’m offering FREE for a limited time).
Basically, if you want to know if you hear warning bells vs wedding bells, ask your crush these questions.
It will be a fun way to find out his views on marriage without being frighteningly direct.
Again, this conversation will get him to reveal his views and readiness when it comes to marriage and longterm commitment.
Does he talk about how he’d like to grow in any specific areas?
Does your partner titillate your mind as much as your body? Do you respect your partner’s beliefs and knowledge and insights? Your ideal partner should feel lust, love and like for you and vice versa. A good royal coupling is a passionate best friendship.
If he says no, then ask him what shouldn’t they be honest about?
Remember: It’s relaxing to love someone who you trust and feel safe with.
Ask yourself if you’ve seen evidence that your Prince Crush is intrinsically warm, open and kind, or the opposite? Have you witnessed your Prince Crush doing small acts of kindness like leaving a very big tip or helping someone with their shopping bags?
The ability to listen and compromise! Why? Because listening plus compromising keeps you feeling appreciated and connected – and is a sign of a healthy relationship.
This applies even to small things, like listening and compromising when it comes to what movie to see or what place to eat.
Have you experienced your Prince Crush being able to listen and compromise?
Have you heard your partner utter the four sexiest words ever: “I’m sorry. You’re right!”
Is he bipolar or on medication? Has he ever had a meltdown? Does he have anger management issues? Drug or alcohol addictions? Ask your man directly to explain why and how he broke up with his last relationship. Listen for long-term anger and Drama King stories.
Ask yourself and/or your partner if they’re truly happy. If your partner is unhappy all the time, they will view you through non-rosy life glasses!
Soon you might find yourself in an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
It’s corny but true—it’s hard for someone to love you happily if he’s not happy with himself first.
Do you sense your Prince Crush feels proud of who he is in his life? Does he allow people to walk all over him? Does he treat himself with self-nurturing and self-respect?
I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read my essay? Be specific! Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool!