It’s exciting to have someone to feel passionate about to share in your journey. Life is a lot more awesome when you have a loving partner by your side. You double the good times. And hopefully halve the bad times. But as for those bad times — they can be very challenging. And it is for this reason that you also need/have a “higher purpose” for a relationship.
Which brings us to…
All relationships have this second higher spiritual goal!
A relationship offers many “assignments” – to learn lessons on how to become better able to love and be loved – and grow into your highest possible self! Think about that. Every relationship is actually here to serve to teach you how to become your highest self.
All relationships double-duty as “assignments” and “awakenings” – to help you to discover what you need to work on to grow who you are.
Whenever relationship problems arise, they’re there to motivate you to head into the “laboratory of growth” – and inspire you – through the power of love for your partner – to put in the effort to evolve into your best self.
When you’re involved in a relationship, you can’t always expect to be hanging out with your partner in the “den of pleasure” 100% of the time – simply enjoying erotic and romantic forms of love.You must accept that there will be bumpy and boring times, when you and your partner must head into the “laboratory for growth” – and seek out this higher purpose for your relationship.
If you want to enjoy a fulfilling and long lasting relationship, you must thereby accept that a relationship has this second non-sexy goal.
You must accept that you and your partner will need to leave that den of pleasure – and spend some non-sexy time in that laboratory for growth – supporting each other to move forward as your highest selves.I’ve personally witnessed how my own relationships (and my clients’ relationships) have each improved once each partner accepts that their relationship has both of these two goals to fulfill:
If you view relationships this way, then, when challenges arise, instead of simply running for the exit door, you both will choose to head into that lab for growth.
With this in mind, if you’re single right now, then it’s helpful to prioritize finding a partner who values growing.
If your partner values growing, then when conflicts arise, your partner will be committed to heading into that laboratory for growth – instead of simply heading for that exit door!
A partner who prioritizes self evolution will want to deal with relationship problems head on – and even view these relationship challenges as a growth opportunity.
It’s for this reason that I even list “finding a partner who values growing” as one of the top 5 things to seek in a partner in my ebook Prince Harming Syndrome.
If your partner does not value growing, then your relationship won’t survive.
Because a relationship is only as strong as its weakest moments – how each of you handle conflict.
Even the best relationships can’t survive on just hanging out 100% all of the time in that den of pleasure.
Eventually you have to mosey on into the laboratory for growth – and deal with challenging life issues together.
John Gottman calls this “DOING REPAIR.” And this repair only gets done in the laboratory for growth.
If you don’t have a laboratory for growth set up within your relationship, then when the den of pleasure starts to feel stressful and uncomfortable, there’s no place to go – except the exit door
When you have a laboratory for growth, it’s sort of like having a gym and spa area for your souls. When you head into the laboratory for growth together – you healthfully work off the stress.
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Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.