What’s an important key to a long term, lasting relationship?
In fact, you should seek the feeling of “safety” first and foremost – even before the feeling of love.
Without the feeling of safety, you will never arrive at feeling true love — because you won’t allow yourself to be vulnerable enough for true intimacy.
If you’re not your most vulnerable, authentic self with someone – then you’re not experiencing a true love connection.
In a good relationship your partner should WANT to make you feel not only loved – but also safe.
In a lasting relationship your partner should even feel happy to do whatever they can to make sure you feel safe – if/when you express that you do not feel safe!
In so doing, they are even willing to put up with a partner who makes them feel unsafe – as long as this partner is sexy, smart, successful, funny, etc….
If you want your relationship to survive the test of time, then you need to prioritize finding a partner who embraces “high integrity character values”
Because when you prioritize finding a partner who “embraces high-integrity character” values, you will be with someone who want to increase your feelings of trust in them.
A person with strong character will feel bad if you feel unsafe.
They will want to take action to help make sure you feel safe in the relationship.
If ever you feel the need to play detective, well…then it’s probably time to move on.
Jim Collins in his terrific book, Good To Great, explains in detail how one of the most important qualities necessary to grow a company from “good to great” is the ability to speak “harsh truth.”
Basically you need to be a “front-stabber.”
I snagged this expression “front stabber” from a famous saying: “A friend is someone who stabs you in the front.”
Collins explains how harsh-truth-speaking is the only way a company can gain needed blind-spot insights—so the company knows what’s holding it back from greatness.
Because harsh-truth-speaking is so essential to growth, companies that are run by nice, empathic, trust-worthy bosses tend to be the ones which grow from “good to great” —because employees are less afraid to harsh-truth-speak to them.
If you want your relationship to last – and grow from good to great – you need a partner with whom you feel safe to “harsh-truth-speak.”
Hence, this yet another reason to prioritize finding a partner who makes you feel safe.
After all, it’s far easier to “harsh-truth-speak” with a nice, empathic, trust-worthy partner than a tyrant/untrustworthy partner.
It’s tough to share honestly with a partner who puts you on the defensive – or makes you feel unsafe to have courageous dialogues about what you need, want, fear and dislike.