How To Raise Kids Who Are Resilient People

how to Raise Kids Who Are Resilient PeopleIf you’re a parent, you want to raise kids who are resilient people. Here are helpful tools and motivating words to use with your children to inspire them to stay strong and keep going. Read on…

There are many ways to say “I love you” – without actually uttering those 3 small-but-mighty words.

Below are my3 favorite alternatives – which also double-duty as “Resiliency Tools.”

I believe that the sooner you start using these words around your kids, the greater your chances that you’ll be raising your kids to feel that deep inside themselves they have what it takes to bounce back from life’s assorted (and sordid!) challenges.

After all, let’s face it. No matter how hard we all try to travel a bump-free path to happiness, life will always present its share of surprise potholes.

3 Phrases To Say To Raise Resilient Kids

I have a wide range of “Resiliency Tools” – which I share throughout my various books.

But for this particular essay, I’m sharing 3 empowering resiliency phrases to bolster your kids’ bounce back abilities!

1. “I believe in you.”

I am constantly telling my 4 year old son (Ari Salmansohn) that I believe in him!

These words are a gift which keeps on giving.

How to use this phrase to help kids be resilient…

I slip these soul-nourishing words into regular conversation in a variety of creative ways – in the same way moms might slip in body-nourishing veggies into a bowl of gooey mac ‘n cheese.

saying you believe in someone helps them be resilientIf Ari doesn’t want to put away his toys I’ll say: “Ari, often the right thing to do isn’t the most super-fun thing – but it’s an important thing! I know you can do what I’m asking. I believe in you!”

If Ari is trying to put together a complicated puzzle, I’ll say: “Ari, I know you’re finding this challenging right now. But I believe in you.”

I’ve been saying “I believe in you” so frequently to Ari, that he’s now started to boomerang these words right back at me.

How this tool boosts resiliency:

The other day I was ransacking our apartment for my keys. I collapsed on the sofa, frustrated because I couldn’t find them. Suddenly I felt a tug, tug, tug on my yoga pants. It’s my son Ari.

“Mommy,” he says, “I know you can find your keys. I believe in you.”

His words were just the booster shot of adrenaline I needed to stand up and try pulling the sofa away from the wall for a quick peek behind it. Eureka! I found my lost keys!

Yep! I greatly believe in the propulsion power of “I believe in you!”

2.  “You gotta learn from every oopsy and ouchie.”

raise kids to be teachable and they will be resilientEach time Ari spills something, breaks something, drops something, kicks something, hurts something – I repeat for him this same little verbal ditty: You gotta learn from every oopsy and ouchie.”

I then ask him to specifically tell me what he learned from whatever the oopsy or ouchie might be. And we talk it through.

I let him know we all make oopsies and ouchies.

We just have to try not to make the same oopsy or ouchie more than once.

3.  “You are safe and loved.”

I recently added this phrase into my “Resiliency Words Tool Kit” after doing a hypnosis session with my friend Karla Lightfoot.

She was trying to put me into a relaxed emotional state.

Her strategy? She asked me to remember a time in my childhood when I felt safe and loved.

Afterwards I thought about how important it is to raise kids to feel safe and loved. It not only bolsters a kid’s resiliency – it helps boost their self esteem and encourages courage.

Anais Nin said it well when she said, “One’s life shrinks and expands according to one’s courage.” I agree!anais nin quote life shrinks or expands

Plus I believe that your courage shrinks and expands according to how much you feel safe and loved.

I’ve now added these words “You are safe and loved!” into my good night ritual for my son.

I whisper these words softly in his ear before he drifts off to sleep. “You are safe and loved.”

I truly hope this quiet whisper creates a loud, infinite echo which lasts him long into adulthood.

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I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read my essay about raising kids to be resilient people?  Be specific! Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! 

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