How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps

Looking for ways to forgive someone you hate? Here are 4 helpful steps to set yourself free from the weight of hate.

When someone does something truly terrible to you, you might feel like they should not be given a so-called “free pass” of forgiveness.

But the truth is: forgiveness is for you, not them.

Carrying the weight of hate can be bad for your mood – and even your health.

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful StepsYou don’t have to reconcile with the person who has harmed you in order to forgive them. Forgiveness is a choice you can even make silently to yourself.

Plus, you can forgive someone and still not want to have anything to do with them.

Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from pain in your present.

It’s not about making room for someone painful in your future.

Below are 4 helpful steps to forgive someone you hate

1. Refocus your energy

Recognize that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem.

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful StepsChoose to resist becoming like your offender and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person.

Re-focus all that energy of resentment into the energy of spending time with the good people in your life – or doing activities you love which bring you joy.

Remind yourself:

  • Hating someone makes them important.
  • Forgiving them makes them obsolete.

2. Develop a “student not victim” mentality.

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful StepsRecognize that everything in life offers golden nuggets of insights to be learned – so there’s always a gain in every pain – if you look for the lesson.

Basically, every jerk has a silver lining – because they come with lessons to teach.

Vow to yourself that you will mindfully take time to learn all the lessons you can – then consciously avoid similar situations in the future.

3. Recognize That Hurt People Hurt People

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful StepsIf you feel hurt by someone, keep in mind that they are not hurting you because you are you.

They are hurting you because they are them.

Basically, when someone treats you like crap, it’s because there’s something wrong with them, not you.

Normal people don’t go around destroying other people’s lives.

If you want to forgive someone you hate, swap anger for “feeling bad for them.” They are suffering and in pain. And they are bringing their cloud of negativity and destruction with them wherever they go.

4.  Recognize Resentment is Poison

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful StepsKeep in mind a fabulous calming quote from Carrie Fisher:

“Resentment is the poison you swallow hoping the other person will die.”

Recognize that when you resent someone, you are giving your power away.

You are not only hurting yourself, you’re also giving this person control of your emotions—and you don’t want to give this person bubkes!

How to Forgive Someone and Stop Repeat Offenses

Are you tired of dealing with toxic people?

Check out my ground breaking video course Manage and Avoid No Drama Llamas!  

I will give you video training (in convenient 3 – 10 minute videos) to help you live drama-free – create better boundaries – and even create 1 electric fence (for those highly difficult people).

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