How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps

Looking for ways to forgive someone you hate? Here are 4 helpful steps to set yourself free from the weight of hate.

When someone does something truly terrible to you, you might feel like they should not be given a so-called “free pass” of forgiveness.

But the truth is: forgiveness is for you, not them.

Carrying the weight of hate can be bad for your mood – and even your health.

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps
You don’t have to reconcile with the person who has harmed you in order to forgive them. Forgiveness is a choice you can even make silently to yourself.

Plus, you can forgive someone and still not want to have anything to do with them.

Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from pain in your present.

It’s not about making room for someone painful in your future.

Below are 4 helpful steps to forgive someone you hate

1. Refocus your energy

Recognize that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem.

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps
Choose to resist becoming like your offender and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person.

Re-focus all that energy of resentment into the energy of spending time with the good people in your life – or doing activities you love which bring you joy.

Remind yourself:

  • Hating someone makes them important.
  • Forgiving them makes them obsolete.

2. Develop a “student not victim” mentality.

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps
Recognize that everything in life offers golden nuggets of insights to be learned – so there’s always a gain in every pain – if you look for the lesson.

Basically, every jerk has a silver lining – because they come with lessons to teach.

Vow to yourself that you will mindfully take time to learn all the lessons you can – then consciously avoid similar situations in the future.

3. Recognize That Hurt People Hurt People

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps
If you feel hurt by someone, keep in mind that they are not hurting you because you are you.

They are hurting you because they are them.

Basically, when someone treats you like crap, it’s because there’s something wrong with them, not you.

Normal people don’t go around destroying other people’s lives.

4.  Recognize Resentment is Poison

How To Forgive Someone You Hate: 4 Helpful Steps
Keep in mind a fabulous calming quote from Carrie Fisher:

“Resentment is the poison you swallow hoping the other person will die.”

Recognize that when you resent someone, you are giving your power away.

You are not only hurting yourself, you’re also giving this person control of your emotions—and you don’t want to give this person bubkes!

I’d love to hear your insights! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read my essay about ways to forgive?  Share below!

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Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

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