How I Developed An Unbreakable Heart

Note: This is a guest blog by Lindsay Kriger

A funny thing happened after my break up with my ex-boyfriend Josh.

Not funny as in “ha ha.” More funny as in “a-ha!”

After my break up, I wanted very much to fall in love with someone new.

But I was so afraid of getting my heart broken again, I developed an unbreakable heart.

Although it looked like a real, workable heart on the outside, it didn’t allow any new man to get on its inside.

Although I thought I was excited to meet someone new, I was petrified.

Perhaps this is what made my heart unbreakable. It was a petrified heart.

Here’s the definition of petrified:

To change (organic matter) into a stony concretion by encrusting or replacing its original substance with a calcareous, siliceous, or other mineral deposit.” 

Yep – looking back – I had me a petrified unbreakable heart!

My story quickly:

After my break up with Josh, I attracted a man who was the opposite of Josh. I then became a lot like Josh: unavailable.

My New Man’s Biggest Complaint:

I was too busy for him. For example, he thought it was weird that I would always leave early in the morning because I wanted to go running.

My Biggest Complaint:

My new man was too fun. He liked to go out too much.

The Truth:

I should have loved that every night this New Man texted me asking me what my plans were. I now can more clearly see that I had become super busy in an effort to become “un-needy” – as a reaction to being “too needy” for Josh.

Plus, there was a potpourri of benefits in making myself “un-needy.” In particular, “un-neediness” meant I wouldn’t ever get close to this New Man – and thereby I’d protect my heart from getting broken yet again.

Unfortunately, not only was I keeping myself from feeling the potential pain of a relationship (aka: rejection)  – I also was keeping myself from the big gain of a relationship (aka: intimacy).

More Truth:

We get no real rewards out of a relationship when we maintain an unbreakable heart. After all, the #1 real reward of being a relationship is getting to savor this delicious intimacy!

Ultimately I realized that because I wasn’t ready to let this New Man in, I should let him go. I needed time to clear my head. And that’s when I realized yet another funny thing of the “a-ha” variety.

I realized:

Men actually need women to be a little bit needy of them!  If you don’t need a man at all, he will become restless. Men are natural problem solvers!

So, if you’re not ready to be make yourself “the right kinda needy” in a relationship, well, you’re not ready for a relationship at all.

Lindsay Kriger, Founder of If Only I Knew on Facebook 

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