There’s a famous expression: “We teach people how to treat us.” In many ways this is true. Below are 4 helpful tips for how to respond when someone treats you badly – so you teach this person that you won’t accept their negative behavior.
Unfortunately, I’ve endured many times in my life when people have treated me badly.
I’ve since researched everything I could about toxic people – and gathered together a range of psychological tools to help defend against crazymakers.
In the same way that I don’t allow dairy into my life because I’m lactose intolerant, I tell myself that I don’t allow toxic people into my life because I am “allergic” to toxic people – and need to live in a “toxic free zone.”
I remind myself that my emotional health is equally important as my physical health.
Basically, in the same what that I am 100% committed to resisting dairy (because it’s bad for me), I remain determined to not allow toxic people into my life – because they’re bad for me.
I learned this healing mantra tool from my son – who is obviously an old soul.
My son as a toddler was telling the bullies in his kindergarten class a loud “No thank you!” – whenever one of them said something mean to hurt his feelings.
I now borrow my son’s mantra whenever someone is treating me badly.
Silently I think to myself: “No thank you!” Then I move on and away from the person – as soon as I can.
Basically, I try not to personalize a mean person’s cruel behavior.
I remind myself that if I feel hurt by a mean person, that they are not hurting me because I am me. They are doing it because they are who they are!
This reminder helps me to release some of the offender’s negative toxins from my system – so I can start to return back to my happier, calmer self.
This is how toxic people were programmed to thrive.
Drama is their familiar place to be – because of events from their past.
You don’t want to feed their craving.
So breathe in deeply. Get yourself calm and centered. Then when you’re calm, consider speaking to your offender about your boundaries.
I speak to the offending person in factual and logical terms about why I am hurt.
First, I explain why I feel they treated me badly – by trying to get them to see the “cause and effects” of their actions.
So I start by describing the effects their behavior had on my feelings and life.
I purposefully put the solution in their court first. If I’m not happy with their suggestions, I make a few suggestions for how things might go more smoothly in the future – for both of us..
Maturity is when you have the power to destroy someone who did you wrong. But you just breathe and let karma deal with them.
I will give you video training (in short 3 – 10 minute bursts) to help you disarm narcissists, liars, manipulators, emotional vampires, and high conflict people. You’ll learn how to create better boundaries – and even create 1 electric fence (for truly unreasonable people).