How to Stop Gaslighting Yourself: Self-Deception vs Self Truth

If you want to live your happiest life, you need to stop gaslighting yourself – and recognize when you’re in the midst of self-deception instead of self-truth. Read on…

Alright, let’s talk about this thing we do where we lie to ourselves.

I’m talking about that special kind of lying – where you’re practically a professional con artist to your own self.

I did this to myself after my son was born – when I was a maxed-out mother – and began stress eating like I was sponsored by junk food.

Basically, my diet became a walking billboard for “What not to eat if you plan to see your 50s.”

I felt terrible too – like I’d been run over by a parade of food trucks.

But rather than face the truth about my health and weight, I bullshitted myself into thinking things weren’t so bad. I guess you could call it “The Ignorance is Bliss Game.” But really it was more like a “Gaslighting Myself Game.”

In between bites of pizza and forkfuls of mac and cheese, I kept reassuring myself, “This isn’t totally unhealthy.”

And the clothes that were suddenly too tight? I kept telling myself, “This must have shrunk in the wash!” Yes, clearly, the dryer was on a mission to mess with my mind!

Plus, whenever I glanced at myself in the mirror, I  made sure to only look at myself from the neck up –  dodging the full-body truth – like it was an awkward conversation.

This self-deception saga went on – and on – until a routine doctor’s check-up served up a jarring dose of reality. To my shock the doctor told me that my cholesterol was sky-high – and my health was dangling by a thread. Yikes! That was the wake-up call I desperately needed – in order to quit lying to myself.

You know what was ironic about my self-gaslighting?

I used to get mad whenever I thought about a particularly dishonest ex – who had masterfully gaslit me about his escapades with other women.

Yet there I was – gaslighting myself – just on the very different topics of health and weight.

Plus when I thought further about this lying ex I realized:

• I had lied to myself about the true nature of this deceptive ex.

My intuition had spotted those red flags waving – warning me my ex was a liar and cheater.

But I conveniently gaslit myself about the truth of those red flags – telling myself they were more of a peachy shade – than red.

Yep, I had unwittingly become a one-woman self-gaslighting machine.

Unfortunately I’m not the only one self-gaslighting.  There are so many of us out there gaslighting ourselves – about all kinds of stuff.

Here are some ways you can gaslight yourself:

• Downplaying your feelings: Telling yourself you’re being too sensitive or dramatic about something – or someone – that’s challenging in your life.
• Rewriting your memories: Questioning whether those tough times and traumatic events really happened the way you remember.
• Making unhealthy comparisons: Minimizing your struggles – by comparing them to those of others – telling yourself your problems don’t matter – because other people have it worse.
• Defaulting to self-blame: In any conflict, you assume you’re the wrongdoer – and let the other person off scott-free.
• Suppressing your true self: You bury your thoughts and emotions and intuition – discounting them all as faulty or irrelevant.
• Using “painsofteners”: In my case, I told myself  “I’m healthy enough” and “It’s not that bad.” These are the lies we tell ourselves to dull the pain and keep the self-deception going.

Why do we indulge in self-gaslighting?

Self-gaslighting may seem counterintuitive.

After all, why would anyone want to deceive themselves?

But there are many benefits.

1. Psychological Safety Nets

Self-gaslighting keeps you in a blissful bubble of “everything’s fine,” helping you dodge the need for change.

Because, let’s face it, the truth often demands you make some sort of change.

And change is a pain in the ass.

Meaning? At its core, self-gaslighting is a misguided attempt to maintain our mental peace –  even if it means living in la-la land.

2. Defense Mechanisms

Freudian psychology introduces the concept of “defense mechanisms.” And self-gaslighting can be categorized under this category – along with the psychological term “denial.”

Unfortunately, the use of “defense mechanisms” and “denial” come with many significant long-term costs.

3. Low Self-Esteem and Past Traumas

People with low self-esteem or a history of trauma are particularly susceptible to self-gaslighting.

This tendency was reported in a comprehensive review in the Clinical Psychology Review –  which linked self-deception to negative self-perception.

Why? If you tend to view yourself poorly, you might feel it’s extra important to maintain whatever little self-worth you perceive you have.

4. The Role of Cultural and Social Influences

Our world pressures us to look strong and unshakable. So, we might dismiss any signs of weakness because we wanna match up to those cultural ideals of health, success, and happiness, etc – even if it means lying through our teeth to ourselves.

How to Break the Cycle of Self-Gaslighting

Next up, let’s explore some helpful ways to cut through the gaslighting fog  – and embrace your inner truths.

5 Tools to Stop Gaslighting Yourself

Combating self-gaslighting begins with a healthy dose of self-awareness.

Here’s how you can begin to break the cycle:

1. Embrace Self-Compassion:  Self-compassion is like self-respect with a hug. It’s like treating yourself as a friend might – but the kind of friend who brings you soup when you’re sick – not the kind who borrows your clothes and never returns them.
2. Anchor in Your Truth:  Get a journal. Use it to write down your real thoughts, not just what you ate for lunch. Get deep with yourself. Then, speak your truths out loud to your face in the mirror. It might feel weird, but it’s a helpful way to affirm the truths in your life.
3. The “Stop”Technique: Here’s something ridiculously easy but surprisingly effective. Feel yourself starting to spiral? Just tell yourself “stop.” Like you’re a traffic cop in your own brain. It’s direct, it’s simple, and it slaps the self-BS right out of you.
4. Trace Thought Origins: Ever think about why you’re always assuming you’re the problem? Or why it’s so hard to admit you messed up? Poke around in your past, sift through societal messages, or consider family dynamics. It’s like detective work for your psyche. Understanding where these self-gaslighting stories come from… can seriously weaken their grip on you.
5. Consider Professional Help: If you’re finding that self-gaslighting is more like a bad habit – than a once-in-a-while slip-up, maybe it’s time to call in the pros – and seek Mindset Mastery Coaching – to strengthen your self worth and mental resilience. Explore a free consultation with me here – to see if we’re a good fit to work together.

Recap: Stop Gaslighting Yourself and Face Your Truths

It’s time to stop playing that trouble-making game of truth-or-dare with yourself.

No more half-truths. No more dodging the hard stuff.

From here on out, it’s all about crystal-clear, honest self-conversations.

So, dive into each of those introspective practices recommended above – and keep your eyes wide open to your truths.

Remember:

The most important conversations you’ll ever have are the ones you have with yourself.

Make sure you’re talking to yourself – both honestly and compassionately.

Learn How to Stop Stress Eating

Explore my bestselling and therapist recommended online program, “The Stop Emotional Eating Course.”