It’s time for you to learn how to love the you who is beneath your defenses, fears and hurt. This is a guide to self-love and acceptance in the face of life’s challenges.
Each of us carries within us a raw, unvarnished, truest version of ourselves – buried deep beneath our defenses – and seldom allowed to step into the light of our everyday personas.
It is time to learn how to love this tender and achingly authentic you.
In fact, this is the you that requires your utmost attention and compassion – the you that deserves the most love.
And yes this is scary – because this involves confronting the uncomfortable truth of your existence: you are flawed, you are afraid, and you have been hurt.
But in order to live your most fulfilling life, you must recognize that acknowledging your fear and pain is not a sign of weakness, but the first step toward genuine self-love.
Your defenses are not without reason.
You have erected them, brick by brick, after each disappointment and betrayal – after each loss that you tucked away deep in the labyrinth of your psyche.
Unfortunately, these very defenses are hindering your growth.
In order to love the “you” beneath your defenses, you must first acknowledge their existence. Then question their necessity.
From an early age, you are taught to present a face to the world that is acceptable, likable, and strong.
These “masks” are the faces that smile when you’re seething inside, that nod when you disagree, that say “I’m fine” when you’re anything but.
Basically, these masks are your armor against a world that often feels too abrasive for your true self to handle.
You get so used to presenting this carefully constructed version of yourself that you start to believe it’s who you truly are.
This is the “you” that’s been through every battle, every heartache, and every defeat.
It’s the “you” that deserves to be loved, not in spite of your scars and fears, but because of them.
These defenses block you from what you desire most: connection, authenticity, and love.
These walls are built out of the lies you tell yourself.
Fear is the underlying current of your every defense mechanism.
It’s the whisper that turns into a scream when you’re faced with the prospect of vulnerability.
I encourage you to tackle these fears head-on, not with the intention of eradicating them, but with the purpose of understanding them.
Hurt is the ghost that haunts you, the remnants of the past that you carry into our present. It is an indelible part of who you are.
Yet you treat your “hurt” as if it’s something shameful, something to be hidden and ignored.
Pain is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is your personal choice.
Basically, it’s what you do with your hurt that defines you, not the hurt itself.
I encourage you to stop saying “I wish I hadn’t been hurt” and start saying “I choose to learn from my hurt.”
It’s time to acknowledge your pain not as a burden, but as a teacher.
Every instance of hurt is an opportunity to ask, “What can this teach me?” It’s a chance to grow stronger, wiser, and more empathetic.
So how do you love this hidden self?
It starts with awareness—recognizing when you’re slipping into the comfort of your masks and defenses.
Self-love is a term that’s tossed around like confetti in self-help circles, often without substance or clarity.
But what does it truly mean to love yourself – especially the parts of you that are less than shiny?
To love the you beneath it all is to practice “curated vulnerability.”
It’s to stand in the open, without armor, and to be seen.
Loving the real you – the you beneath your defenses – is a journey that never truly ends.
It’s a process of continual growth, learning, and, most importantly, unlearning.
It is essential to put in the effort to unlearn the beliefs and defenses which no longer serve you – so you can embrace the full spectrum of your humanity – and enjoy healthy self love.
Maybe it’s time to chat with a Mindset Mastery Coach – like myself. I encourage you to explore my 1 on 1 Zoom Mindset Mastery Sessions. I will help you to master your thoughts, beliefs and habits – so you can enjoy your life more.
Explore my bestselling, research-based online program, The Anxiety Cure Online Course – which is therapist recommended.
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