If you’re dealing with a divorce and have kids, here are tools for helping your children through a relationship break up.
Relationships come to an end for a variety of reasons. But when there are children involved, it’s even more important to remain civil and work through a difficult time as responsible adults.
There are many things to consider, such as how your kids feel and how they communicate.
No worries – I’m here to help.
Plus I’m also the founder of the therapist recommended online course called Broken Heart Recovery.
I love sharing tools to help people to enjoy happier relationships. Plus I am committed to helping support families (and kids) to heal after a divorce.
With this mind, in this article, I will explore how to help children to deal with a break up!
A relationship breakup can be difficult for children in the short and long term. At first, they might feel as if the parent that has left no longer loves or cares about them.
They also might feel that they are personally to blame for the situation. It’s very important to make sure the child understands the situation. Plus you need to reassure your kids that they are loved by both parents. And they are not to blame.
Of course, it can be difficult for young children to understand grown-up relationships and behavior. But they don’t need to understand everything. The main thing is the children know they are still loved, cared for, and protected. And your kids need to know that they can talk to either one of their parents at any time. This attitude should be maintained when working with a Child Custody Lawyer.
Children are very intuitive and know when someone is being dishonest or creative with the truth. Although you might not be able to disclose everything about the situation – you need to consider the child’s age ad ability to understand – you should always try to be honest with your communication and try to give them the feeling that they are being considered and respected.
If you sense that you are protecting them by not telling them the truth, you might be doing more harm than good. A parental breakup is a difficult time, and your children are caught in the middle; they, too, will have emotions to work through, and they can only get started when they understand the situation. Find ways to communicate information softly and support them with it.
When parents break up, there are a lot of feelings involved, you have shared your lives together, invested in a number of ways, and you have children. The fact is there will be a mixture of feelings, both positive and negative. When helping your children to navigate this quite messy situation, it’s important to be as positive about each other as you can and avoid finger-pointing.
As soon as you start to blame the other parent in the presence of the child, they will see that you are not united in your message to them, and they might feel that you are trying to win their favor. Try not to blame each other for the breakup, but instead, focus on working through it successfully. Again, make sure your children understand they are not the ones to blame for it.
Emotions can be difficult to manage even for adults, but children have less experience with them and will find it more challenging. It’s important to stay aware of this throughout the breakup and give them every opportunity to discuss their feelings and thoughts. Adults and children can both benefit from maintaining routines during a difficult time, like a parental breakup.
Children have little routines like meal times and going to school, and it’s important to maintain these as much as possible. Of course, they might find it difficult to attend school with so much going on at home, but that is a better way for them to process their feeling and navigate their life situation. It’s worth informing the school about the situation to monitor the child’s wellbeing.
In order to process their feelings, children need to talk and open up; the trouble is they might not have the language needed to communicate these feelings effectively. Be patient with them and create plenty of opportunities for them to discuss the situation and talk about different aspects.
It’s often useful to look for patterns in your lifestyle that support emotional communication. For example, you might drive the children to school in the morning, which is a good time to take instead of listening to the radio, or you could create time to talk and check in during dinner.
A relationship breakup is tough on everyone. But it’s particularly difficult for children who don’t have the experience of language to handle new emotions. In these situations, children need all the support available. Your goal should be to make sure your kids still feel respected and loved even after a difficult break up.
Explore my therapist recommended online course: Broken Heart Recovery.