A New Lens On Anger Management: The Right Way to Be Angry

This is a guest blog by Vanessa Cameron about anger management and the right way to be angry. Read on to find out why Vanessa believes that anger is really your ally.

Anger gets a bad rap.

It’s the icky, tumultuous emotion few of us know what the heck to do with.

• Some of us avoid getting angry and play nice.
• Others get stuck in silent resentment.
• Then there those who know how to treat anger like an ally. They understand that anger can be a helpful guide – there to protect them.

A New Lens on Anger Management

I want you to think of anger as a built-in mama bear.

Anger fights only to protect herself and her cubs.

It’s designed to protect our physical boundaries, loved ones, values, and beliefs.

And just as a protective mama bear is not bad – neither is anger.

In fact, I even believe that anger is one of the most important emotions to pay attention to.

Why is anger important to our well being?

• Because anger alerts us to wake up and protect what we value most.
  

How I learned to value my anger

A few years ago, I lost touch with my anger.

I thought I was somehow above it.

Eventually, I became like a mama bear who forgot to protect myself. I began people-pleasing and found myself being taken advantage of – left and right!

As a female, I grew up believing that nice girls don’t have anger, rage, or fury. Unfortunately, my angry feelings didn’t go away simply because I chose to ignore them. 

My angry feelings went under cover and turned into a swamp of silent, seething resentment.

The Philosophy Behind My Anger Management Tool

I find it interesting that the word “resent” found in “resentment” comes from the French word “RE-SENT” – which translated means to re-feel.

When we resent someone – we are stuck re-feeling this negative emotion – over and over and over!

Thankfully we have a choice to stop this loop of negative emotion.

So let’s take a moment to look at how anger can play out.

• Anger begins as crankiness, and feeling pissed off.
• If we repeatedly ignore these feelings (and signals from our internal guidance system), these negative emotions will only repeat themselves – then grow stronger, louder and more volatile! 
• However, when we instead begin to acknowledge the earlier warning signals of anger, we can use this emotion as a built-in emotional thermometer. We can welcome anger – and honor it even – recognizing that it’s there to alert us – to protect our interests – teach us lessons – and change our course of actions.
  

While many ignore, resist and judge anger as a hotheaded, lowly emotion, I’ve come to use my anger as one of my greatest advocates, and allies.

My Anger Management Tool:

The right way to be angry

Now, whenever I feel angry I ask myself a series of questions.

• What is my anger alerting me to do?
  
• Is anger telling me to speak up about something I care about? 
• Or is my anger asking me to slow down, say no, or create boundaries?
  
• Is anger asking me to be honest with my goals, wants and needs?

We ALL have anger.

There’s no escaping anger.

May you begin to tune in to your angry rumblings and use your anger as your greatest ally and advocate. 

About the author: Vanessa Cameron is a trained EFT, NLP practitioner, matcha tea aficionado and recovering perfectionist who specializes in teaching people how to re-wire their stress response, gain emotional resilience and tap their superpowers. Vanessa Cameron discovered her passion for hacking her brain and body amid a full-body bout with Rheumatoid Arthritis. In the wake of her chronic pain and burnout, she began her search for tools to manage her pain and stress. When she learned that the brain’s stress response can change, she became obsessed with incorporating daily practices to minimize her stress levels and boost her health and happiness.  Her multitudinous findings led her to begin an e-mail newsletter iSpark Daily where she shares her science-backed tidbits on health, happiness and living well.  For more of Vanessa’s writing, and news about her forthcoming book, sign-up for her newsletter here. And follow her on Instagram via @iSparkDaily.

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