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How To End A Vicious Circle And Enter A Virtuous Circle

How To End A Vicious Circle And Enter A Virtuous Circle
Note: This is a guest essay by Annie Kaszina

Are you stuck in a vicious circle – where you end up pursued by niggling self-doubt?

If so – here’s your exit route to entering a virtuous cycle instead – where you own your real gifts, accept validation, and thereby spontaneously grow your confidence and receptivity, so that your life blossoms.

My name is Annie Kaszina and I help women to stop feeling like impostors so they can – finally – take ownership of their own unique worth.

One of my clients is a truly talented woman named Cara – who is now in her thirties – and starting to own her own abilities and native delightfulness. 

For the first time in her life, she is saying “sayonara” to a vicious circle and stepping onto a virtuous circle, instead. 

Cara has reached the stage of acceptance of her worth at which she can mumble – humbly – “I guess I must be quite good.”

Albeit still with a nervous, apologetic half-smile on her face.

I asked her why she could not fully own all the positive feedback that is coming back to her from her world.

She replied, “Ah, but they don’t know what a mess I am inside. Other people only see the good bits.”

Somehow, Cara segued into talking about water lilies, her favorite flowers. 

(Doubtless, she was trying to deflect me from telling her what is great about her.) 

So, I asked her how often, when she admires a water lily, does she stick her head in the water to look at the muddy mess that lies beneath? 

Strange to say, she does not. 

She does not even focus on the green algae that sits on the surface.

Do you think less of the water lily because it hangs out with mud and algae, has unphotogenic roots and its leaves sometimes look a bit bedraggled? 

I didn’t think so.

However you see yourself, please remember that you, too, have had to grow out of the mud and roots of your experience. 

You, too, may still have your fair share of emotional algae around. 

But do you really need to focus 24/7 on those things? 

Your Assignment:

Next time you find yourself entering a vicious circle of nasty thoughts about a perceived defect – here’s your tool to exit stage left – and head on over to a Virtuous Circle. Close your eyes – and remember the water lily. Envision it.  Notice how your mind’s eye delights in the wonder of the flower  – complete with its natural habitat. Then reminder yourself that you are like that water lily.  Now, allow yourself to see the water lily that those around you who have eyes to see, both admire and cherish. 

About the author:Annie Kaszina is an award-winning author, coach and speaker who has spent the last 13 years coaching women across 5 continents around love, happiness and fulfilling relationships.  Her last book, “Do You Choose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband?” won 5 awards and became an Amazon bestseller. Follow Annie on Youtube and Facebook and Instagram.


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Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

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