Tongue-tied. Choked-up. Speechless. This is how I felt after my sexual assault. I felt totally at a loss for words, unable to fully express myself.
Yes me — a professional writer since I turned 28 — and an amateur gabber since I turned 2 – was suddenly rendered nearly mute.
As it turned out there was a neuro-scientific explanation for my silent state.
During times of extreme stress we humans cross over into what’s called “distress” – and revert to seeking our animalistic “fight or flight” responses.
These neurochemicals can wind up taking away nearly 80% of our ability to think!
Yikes! An 80% inefficiency of the brain!
Unfortunately, this lower level of thinking can then lead you to…
Plus when you’re only using 20% of your brain, you’re more apt to make poor choices.
When you’re feeling very stressed, you might decide to say something cruel (poor choice picked by your dimmer 20% brain ) or do something mean spirited (poor choice picked by your dimmer 20% brain) or eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (yummy and fun – yet still a very poor choice picked by your dimmer 20% brain).
Dr. Mark Goulston (a trained neuroscientist and author of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for Dummies) explains:
“When you’re in ‘full distress mode,” you lose your ability to think from either your Neocortex or your limbic system. As a result, you end up using your ‘reptile brain’ – and going into fight and flight mode. When you’re in fight mode you feel pure animal anger. When you’re in flight mode, you seek addictions, like alcohol or food or drugs – or just seek solitude.”
As I mentioned a few paragraphs up above, when you’re feeling very stressed you’re more apt to make poor choices – like saying something cruel, doing something mean spirited, or eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
Now you know why: You’re stuck in your reptilian brain – and operating from fight and flight mode.“What ultimate heals people,” explains Goulston, “is the ability to integrate all 3 of the 3 different circuitries of the brain. The goal is to slowly ‘walk’ your way up and out of your lowest level reptile brain – so you can tap back into your highest level rational Neocortex brain once again.”
Here are 6 steps you should do when you’re feeling stressed.
Step 1: Become Physically Aware . Recognize your animal signals of tension that have you primed to act hastily. ANSWER: I feel what sensations ____________ (tense, tight, numb, nauseated, etc.) in my where ____________ (stomach, neck, head, back, etc.)? You start here because most people have a physical reaction to distress. They feel it in a place they know they can name. And being able to come up with a correct answer to an exercise increases motivation to continue! Nothing succeeds like success!
Step 2: Become Emotionally Aware. Recognize the emotions which most closely fit with your physical sensations. ANSWER: I feel __________ (angry, afraid, uptight, depressed, etc.) Interestingly, recent research by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that’s simply being able to name an emotion halves your “amygdala activation” – otherwise known as your “emotionality.” So this step should calm you by 50%.
Step 3: Become Aware of Your Impulses. Recognize what your feelings make you want to seek — fight and/or flight and/or freeze. ANSWER: I have this uncontrollable urge to_________ (run, attack, blame, make an excuse, feel sorry for myself, isolate, avoid, etc.) Good news! Having answered these few simple questions so far correctly, you’re now more motivated to face your fears and thoughts – and continue upwards to that esteemed Neocortex. Plus, being able to translate a named emotion into a named impulse is the beginning of insight – which means you’re already starting to tap into your Neocortex.
Step 4: Become Aware of Consequences. Recognize the results of acting on your impulses. ANSWER: The negative consequences of my impulse actions will be ___________ (fall off my diet, stop exercising, call in sick for work, lose my job, beat up on myself afterwards, etc.). Steps 1-3 above will set the stage for you to now be able and willing to think of the negative consequences of giving into a negative impulse.
Step 5: Become Aware of Solutions. Recognize there are better things for you to do than fight or flight behaviors. ANSWER: What would be a better thing to do right now? Some positive, thoughtful actions I might take are:___________________________________ (examples: pursuing a new hobby, doing volunteer work, working on a project which excites me, exercising, journaling, calling friends, gardening, walking, reading, etc…).
Step 6: Become Aware of Your New Benefits. Identify what you’ll be getting by acting on the solution in Step 5. ANSWER: If I do what I just thought of in Step 5 the benefit to me will be ________________________________.
After you’re done doing all these 6 steps, sit back, breathe and feel proud. You now should be tapped back into your full fabulous 3 out of 3 brain circuitry. Enjoy. Go do a crossword puzzle or play a game of Scrabble. Your brain should now be primed to operate at its best.
Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.