The Number 1 Cause Of Break Ups

ari salmansohn
I can sum up in three “acts” the breakdowns and breakups of most relationships since the beginning of time:

Act 1: You hurt me.

Act 2: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you.

Act 3: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you and so you hurt me again and so I hurt you—and downward spiraling we shall go.

John Gottman, the famed founder of The Love Lab (a research lab where couples are studied), says he can consistently predict how long a relationship will last, not based on how well a couple gets along, but by how well a couple doesn’t get along.

A relationship is only as strong as how well couples can deal with their weakest link: conflict!

In the 3 act story above, Act 2 represents the big breaking point for whether or not you have a break up point.

The solution should play out like this…

Act 1: You hurt me.

ari salmansohn
Act 2: I explain how you hurt me – describing how I felt about what you did.

I then ask you to see things from my point of view – while also asking you to explain your point of view.

I try to keep an open perspective.

Act 3: You then explain to me why you chose to hurt me – what you were thinking and feeling when you did.

You might choose to defend what you did – but you try to remain open to seeing how you could have done things differently.

The goal for both people should be:

  • Instead of acting out, go inward and become introspective.
  • Talk about how you see things – and how you feel things.
  • Stay open to the other person’s point of views.

2 Big Lessons:

Stay happy—no matter how much life throws at you – with the research-backed happiness tools in THINK HAPPY! Boost your confidence, attitude, and mood with this powerful and thought provoking collection of short essays and happiness strategies.

Think happier. Think calmer.

Think about subscribing for free weekly tools here.

No SPAM, ever! Read the Privacy Policy for more information.


Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Life is short. So we’ll keep this copy short.

Live your happiest life. Get my research-based happiness newsletter delivered conveniently to your inbox.

No SPAM, ever! Read the Privacy Policy for more information.