Here’s some of my favorite love research, from top relationship researchers, to help you enjoy your happiest relationship!
1. Marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman’s main learned hypothesis:
Respect and consistent daily affection are the two top essentials for successful relationships.
The number one destroyer of relationships: contempt.
If you want to be in a happy relationship try to focus on expressing more appreciation. And when you criticize, don’t insult the person’s entire being. Focus on the aspect of behavior you’d like the person to work on – while making them feel respected as a person.
2. Dr. Gottman discovered couples who remain married vs. divorced often experienced just as much conflict — but put in more “repair” — with a 5 to 1 ratio of nice to nasty moments.
“Satisfied couples maintained a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative moments in their relationship.
In contrast, couples heading for divorce allowed the ratio to slip to very low…often to one-to-one.”
If you’re having problems with your honey, add more honey! Give a hug. Cuddle. Compliment.
3. Psychoanalyst Dr. Jani emphasizes the importance of two people being able to appreciate ordinary everyday moments together.
She recommends always starting your day asking: “Anything special going on today?”
At the end of the day, always ask: “Hey, how did that special thing go?”
All this might seem obvious, but we can forget to ask about daily minutia.
The more you remember to ask about one’s day, according to Dr. Jani, the more your sex life will improve.
It will make your partner feel more connected with you!
Who knew? Simply asking:”How was your day, dear?” can lead to hot times in bed?
4. Research consistently shows money plays a far lesser role in divorce – usually ranking about fifth in the blame line-up.
According to Olivia Mellan (author of “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships”) even when couples fight about money, they’re often fighting about underlying problems.
Money problems are less problematic than: incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems.
“Fights about money are usually more about what money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth.”
5. All psychologists agree: A couple is only as “strong” as their weakest moments — how they handle conflict!
When facing conflict, talk with your partner at the speed of life. Do not shut down. Do not attack. And ABSOLUTELY avoid that #1 love vaporizer: condescension!
If you’re having a difficult time feeling happy, check out my newest book INSTANT HAPPY – overflowing with inspirational reminders and beautiful art – which works as a “pattern interrupt” on negative thinking. Click here to be whisked to a place where you can take a peek inside.
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Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
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