Note: What to do when you’re tired of crying – is a guest essay written by Shari Alyse
I remember seeing the wall. Actually, heading right for it at top speed and consciously making the decision to deal with the consequences afterwards.
Well, in that particular moment, it seemed easier to just go with what seemed easier. You know, the short term. Getting what I wanted when I wanted it.
I was being reckless. And I was being reckless with my own heart. Nobody else’s. Just mine. The worst kind of reckless. If you don’t care about your own well-being, then you certainly aren’t truly caring about anyone else’s. You can fool yourself into thinking that you put others first, but if you truly did, you would take care of yourself first – because then you offer someone else the best you possible. In turn, this self-loving choice makes any relationship, friendship, working relationship much easier. Why? You’re not trying to get anything in return from anyone. You have taken care of your own needs. You don’t feel the need to have to get fulfillment from anyone or anything else. It just makes every interaction that much more pure. It’s about sharing, growing, giving, loving and being instead of taking, asking, wanting, and needing.
I got tired. Tired of crying. Tired of picking up the pieces. Tired of finding myself in the same situations over and over again – just with different people. There was only so long I could keep victimizing myself.Actually, I probably could’ve kept going – because sometimes it seemed easier to sit in that corner and feel sorry for myself.
The only problem: It’s lonely.
Plus, choosing solitude didn’t make me feel any better.
Nor did it change the situation.
I realized that I always knew the right thing to do. I just chose to ignore it. No matter how many positive people I surrounded myself with, no matter how many times I finally decided to rid of the negative people around me, I was continuing the cycle myself.
Phew. Recognizing this urge for “self-victimization” was an eye opener. It gave me one of those instant “a-ha” moments. I live for those! Okay, so now I recognized it. Next, I had to really take it all in – and see why it was that I felt the need to want to continue hurting myself.
I had gone through all the work of repeating all those positive affirmations. I read all those self-help books. I talked to tons of people who told me “I was too good” for that person – or “I was too smart” for that job – or I was too this or too that. I had learned expertly how to let people go – and bad situations not grow. The only thing I hadn’t learned was to speak nicely to myself. I hadn’t learned how to stop telling myself the same old, tired, over-played stories – which after time convinced me that I wasn’t worthy of anything good in my life.
I didn’t realize that I had to go deeper than just believing that someone shouldn’t treat me badly. I had to stop treating me badly myself.
So maybe you’re there. Maybe you’re standing on the edge of that cliff ready to make that jump to personal freedom. Maybe you’re scared to. Yes, it’s not easy to stop doing what you’ve always done. It’s like a torn up ol’ security blanket, that might not even keep you warm, but it just makes you feel safe knowing that it’s there. It’s comfortable – so you hold on to it for dear life.
I’ll share something else I’ve learned along the way:
Taking risks in your life might not always give you your desired outcome, but what we think we want, might not always be what we need. I can tell you, though, with the utmost certainty, that the universe is always working on your best behalf even when you don’t have the eyes to see it or the heart to trust it.
Alright, so now you’re on board but you’re not sure how to proceed. You might be wondering how you know what the “right” thing to do is?
Here’s the thing, your spirit is always speaking to you. It speaks at all times and shows up in all different ways. Whether through an audible voice, a song lyric, something that someone says, something you read or something as simple yet profound as a “knowingness” that resides deep in your heart. This “voice” never leads you astray. As a matter of fact, the times you have listened to it, things always seem to go smoothly. We all know what it’s like to go against our better judgement. We all know how that turns out.
So when you find yourself at a crossroad trying to make a decision in your life – and you find yourself heading towards that brick wall – my wish for you is that you stop, take a breath, internalize what it is that you’re hoping to give to the situation. Next you must decisively take the steps it takes to produce your desired outcome. I can assure you that choosing to listen to that “voice” will be one of the wisest, kindest decisions you could make for yourself!
I know for me, it has changed my life in ways that leave me speechless. You might occasionally find yourself allowing in those old stories and tapes to play in your head. You know, the ones that tell you that the wall might not hurt that badly – just this one time.
Although you might be able to bandage up those wounds in the short-term, those scars left behind are life-long. It’s time to start being kinder and gentler to yourself. If you aren’t, why would anyone else be?
Written and shared with love from Shari Alyse
Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
Live your happiest life. Get my research-based happiness newsletter delivered conveniently to your inbox.