There’s always that one family member (usually a parent) who sees a new haircut, a different outfit, a changed name on social media, or a very specific music obsession and immediately starts acting like a full investigation needs to happen. But what’s wrong? Like, okay, someone dyed their hair blue; they didn’t commit wire fraud.
What’s the problem? Someone is discovering themselves through style. But when young people start changing how they dress, what they listen to, what they create, or how they describe themselves, people, well, family in particular, can get weirdly panicked about it. But everyone deserves to have self-expression, and this is even tied to emotional well-being too.
Actually, there’s that classic “it’s not a phase, Mom” meme; sometimes it’s just a phase. If you were big on eyeliner, well, eventually, the eyeliner gets retired, the band posters come down with age, the outfit choices get toned down, and the old photos become a little painful (or maybe even cringe-worthy) to look at later. But that still doesn’t mean it was pointless. Sometimes a phase is just a person trying something on long enough to learn what fits.
The process of figuring yourself out rarely looks polished while it’s happening. So that’s one thing to keep in mind here. It can look like outfits that don’t quite work, art that feels intense, playlists that take over someone’s whole personality for a handful of months, or a fringe that seems like a good idea in the bathroom mirror when you were in a bad mood (and then maybe needing some emotional recovery and managing the problem the next morning). But it’s all normal.
Sometimes self-expression comes before language. A person might not have a neat explanation for why a certain style feels better, why a name feels closer, or why a certain creative space feels safer. But they just know something finally feels less wrong, and honestly, that deserves more care than an eye roll.
Actually, if you thinka bout it here, that’s especially important when talking about transgender youth (especially now since this is finally not becoming a taboo topic and becoming more accepted), because what looks like simple experimentation from the outside can and is being connected to something much deeper. Something that deserves no shame, dismissing, nothing like that. So, no, not every change needs to be treated like a crisis, and not every young person should have to defend their identity like they’re presenting evidence in court.
And that’s another thing here because everyone, people, society, media, you guessed it, says they want young people to be confident, but the second that confidence comes with an outfit they don’t understand or a name they didn’t expect, well, it’s like everyone has notes. Basically, you be yourself, but not too loudly.
Go ahead and try new things, but only if they’re easy for everyone else to process. Stand out, but in a way that still feels comfortable for the room. Well, that’s a lot to ask from someone who’s still figuring out what feels right, right?
Not every creative choice needs a look of panic, accusations, or any of that. Sometimes the best response is just to be normal about it. Really, that’s it, like complimenting the outfit, use the name, ask about the art, listen without turning every answer into a debate. Seriously, it’s as simple as that. Because even if something changes later, it still mattered while it was happening here and now.
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