![funny witty quotes about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/funnny-ha-ha-300x297.jpg)
I love to write and design funny witty quote posters about life, work, friends, and love.
I believe that “ha ha” can sometimes lead to “aha!” Humor can be a great enlightening agent – waking us up to important life truths.
Quirky info: My first published book was a funny novel – which was loved by Jon Stewart. He even gave me an official blurb saying he thought my book was as funny as a stand up comic’s.
Below are some of my most popular funny witty quotes about life – shared on instagram. Oh – and my instagram “handle” is @notsalmon! Come hang out with me! Say a friendly hello – and I’ll say hi right back!
How Best To Use These Funny Witty Quotes
- Print out these funny witty quotes about life. Sprinkle them around your house or office. Post these humorous quotes on your office bulletin board to help coworkers smile.
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27 Funny Witty Quotes About Life, Work, Friends and Love
I hope these funny witty sayings below inspire you to smile and let off some steam about whatever might be bugging you right now!
1. Silence can truly be golden
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2018-12-13-03.08.48.png)
Some things are better left unsaid. Unfortunately I often realize this after I’ve said them.
2. It’s meant to be if…
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-coffee-love-1024x1001.jpg)
If you love someone let them go. If they come back with coffee it was meant to be.
3. A different way to burn calories in bed
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2018-12-13-03.12.31.png)
I’m guessing I burn about 1,000 calories every time I try to put a fitted sheet on a bed by myself.
4. More Open-minded At Night
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-ghosts-1024x1024.jpg)
During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. At night I become a bit more open-minded.
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Use these funny witty quotes about life as fun phone wallpapers. You’ll smile every time you text or call someone.
5. Home Messy Home
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2018-12-13-03.12.55.png)
It’s either me or my home. It seems both of us can’t look good at the same time.
6. Nothing Sucks Forever
![humorous quote about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.51.44-1024x1015.png)
Smile. Be happy. Whatever’s happening, nothing sucks forever. -Karen Salmansohn
7. Thou shalt not judge too harshly
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-square-thou-shalt-not-judge-1024x1024.png)
Thou shalt not judge too harshly because thou has messed up in the past also. – Karen Salmansohn
8. Texting Has Its Dangers
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-texting-1024x1024.jpg)
Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel and misinterpret what other people mean.
9. It’s called an occupation not preoccupation
![10 Funny Quotes About Life Which People Loved on Instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-business-obsess-1024x1024.jpg)
It’s called an occupation. Not a preoccupation. It’s called success. Not obsess. It’s called being in a business. Not being in abyss-ness. It’s called giving yourself a break to avoid a breakdown. It’s called being good to you. – Karen Salmansohn
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Share your favorite witty quotes in the comment section below. Maybe I’ll morph it into a quote image poster.
10. This too shall pass…
![hilarious life quote](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.48.49-1019x1024.png)
This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
11. You either like me or you don’t…
![funny life quote from instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.48.59-1024x1017.png)
You either like me or you don’t. It took me 20-something years to learn how to love myself. I don’t have that kinda time to convince somebody else. – Daniel Franzese
12. Older and wiser…
![best funny quote from instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.49.11-1024x1021.png)
Every day I understand the phrase, “I’m getting too old for this crap,” on a deeper level.
13. Mean people who pass as nice people…
![funny inspirational quote instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.49.33-1022x1024.png)
Mean people don’t bother me. But mean people who disguise themselves as nice people bother me a lot. -Cindy Cummings Johnson
14. If only there were people trailers…
![make you laugh quotes about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.49.47-1024x1015.png)
I wish people came with a 30 second trailer so I can see what I’m getting myself into. – Karen Salmansohn
15. You know you’re an adult…
![funny life quote to make you laugh...](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.49.56-1024x1019.png)
You know you’re an adult when you get excited to just go home.
16. Ooops!
![best funny instagram quotes](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.50.14-1024x1020.png)
Ooops! Sorry I didn’t respond to your text. I answered it in my head, and thought it was in real life.
17. Can you have it all?
![funny meme about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.50.24-1024x949.png)
Me trying to excel in my career, maintain a social life, drink enough water, exercise, text everyone back, stay sane, survive and be happy.
18. A big secret to happiness
![funny happiness quote](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.50.36-1024x1005.png)
A big secret for happiness: Ignore people who do crappy things to you. – Karen Salmansohn
19. Life is ironic…
![ironic life quote to make you laugh](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.50.48-1024x1005.png)
Life is ironic. It takes depression to know happiness. Plus it takes stress to understand calm. And it takes absence to value presence.
20. Worry is exhausting
![hilarious life quote instagram](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-06-30-08.51.28-1022x1024.png)
An hour of worry is even more exhausting than an hour at the gym. Let it go. – Karen Salmansohn
21. Free time now has a monthly fee
![funny quotes](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-netflix-1018x1024.jpg)
Let’s stop asking people: What do you like to do in your free time? At this point, we all just watch Netflix.
22. Remind me later…
![witty quote about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/quote-remind-me-later-software-1024x1024.jpg)
I’m always hitting “remind me later” for software updates. Then one day I realized, hmmm, that’ sort of symbolic of how I am dealing with some things in my life. – Karen Salmansohn
23. Silent or vibrate?
![witty saying about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-10-31-09.14.55.png)
Why is it that every time I lose my phone it’s always on either silent or vibrate?
24. Please forget…
![witty saying about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-10-31-09.15.16.png)
When I tell my kids I will do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is: Please forget.
25. Grandmother to my inner child…
![witty quote about life](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-10-31-09.15.47.png)
I’m finally old enough to be the grandmother to my inner child. So now I’m spoiling my inner child, and giving them all the love they might have missed out on! – Karen Salmansohn
26. The irony about ironing…
![hilarious saying](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-10-31-09.16.42.png)
Laundry Schedule: Sort – today. Wash – later. Fold – eventually. Iron – ha, ha, ha.
27. One of the biggest lies…
![witty quote](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Screenshot-2019-10-31-09.17.27.png)
One of the biggest lies I tell myself: I don’t have to write that down. I’ll remember it.
Funny Witty Quotes (Bonus)
![one bad apple everyone bananas](https://www.notsalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Quote-bad-apple-bananas.png)
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