I love to write and design funny witty quote posters about life, work, friends, and love.
I believe that “ha ha” can sometimes lead to “aha!” Humor can be a great enlightening agent – waking us up to important life truths.
Quirky info: My first published book was a funny novel – which was loved by Jon Stewart. He even gave me an official blurb saying he thought my book was as funny as a stand up comic’s.
Below are some of my most popular funny witty quotes about life – shared on instagram. Oh – and my instagram “handle” is @notsalmon! Come hang out with me! Say a friendly hello – and I’ll say hi right back!
How Best To Use These Funny Witty Quotes
- Print out these funny witty quotes about life. Sprinkle them around your house or office. Post these humorous quotes on your office bulletin board to help coworkers smile.
Be your happiest self
Check out my bestselling video course, The Anxiety Cure.
Stop overwhelm and overthinking. Improve focus and productivity. Sleep better. Feel more confident. Be happier. Learn more here!
27 Funny Witty Quotes About Life, Work, Friends and Love
I hope these funny witty sayings below inspire you to smile and let off some steam about whatever might be bugging you right now!
1. Silence can truly be golden
Some things are better left unsaid. Unfortunately I often realize this after I’ve said them.
2. It’s meant to be if…
If you love someone let them go. If they come back with coffee it was meant to be.
3. A different way to burn calories in bed
I’m guessing I burn about 1,000 calories every time I try to put a fitted sheet on a bed by myself.
4. More Open-minded At Night
During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. At night I become a bit more open-minded.
Use these funny witty quotes about life as fun phone wallpapers. You’ll smile every time you text or call someone.
5. Home Messy Home
It’s either me or my home. It seems both of us can’t look good at the same time.
6. Nothing Sucks Forever
Smile. Be happy. Whatever’s happening, nothing sucks forever. -Karen Salmansohn
7. Thou shalt not judge too harshly
Thou shalt not judge too harshly because thou has messed up in the past also. – Karen Salmansohn
8. Texting Has Its Dangers
Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel and misinterpret what other people mean.
9. It’s called an occupation not preoccupation
It’s called an occupation. Not a preoccupation. It’s called success. Not obsess. It’s called being in a business. Not being in abyss-ness. It’s called giving yourself a break to avoid a breakdown. It’s called being good to you. – Karen Salmansohn
Share your favorite witty quotes in the comment section below. Maybe I’ll morph it into a quote image poster.
10. This too shall pass…
This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
11. You either like me or you don’t…
You either like me or you don’t. It took me 20-something years to learn how to love myself. I don’t have that kinda time to convince somebody else. – Daniel Franzese
12. Older and wiser…
Every day I understand the phrase, “I’m getting too old for this crap,” on a deeper level.
13. Mean people who pass as nice people…
Mean people don’t bother me. But mean people who disguise themselves as nice people bother me a lot. -Cindy Cummings Johnson
14. If only there were people trailers…
I wish people came with a 30 second trailer so I can see what I’m getting myself into. – Karen Salmansohn
15. You know you’re an adult…
You know you’re an adult when you get excited to just go home.
Ooops! Sorry I didn’t respond to your text. I answered it in my head, and thought it was in real life.
17. Can you have it all?
Me trying to excel in my career, maintain a social life, drink enough water, exercise, text everyone back, stay sane, survive and be happy.
18. A big secret to happiness
A big secret for happiness: Ignore people who do crappy things to you. – Karen Salmansohn
19. Life is ironic…
Life is ironic. It takes depression to know happiness. Plus it takes stress to understand calm. And it takes absence to value presence.
20. Worry is exhausting
An hour of worry is even more exhausting than an hour at the gym. Let it go. – Karen Salmansohn
21. Free time now has a monthly fee
Let’s stop asking people: What do you like to do in your free time? At this point, we all just watch Netflix.
22. Remind me later…
I’m always hitting “remind me later” for software updates. Then one day I realized, hmmm, that’ sort of symbolic of how I am dealing with some things in my life. – Karen Salmansohn
23. Silent or vibrate?
Why is it that every time I lose my phone it’s always on either silent or vibrate?
24. Please forget…
When I tell my kids I will do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is: Please forget.
25. Grandmother to my inner child…
I’m finally old enough to be the grandmother to my inner child. So now I’m spoiling my inner child, and giving them all the love they might have missed out on! – Karen Salmansohn
26. The irony about ironing…
Laundry Schedule: Sort – today. Wash – later. Fold – eventually. Iron – ha, ha, ha.
27. One of the biggest lies…
One of the biggest lies I tell myself: I don’t have to write that down. I’ll remember it.
Stop allowing anxiety to steal your happiness.
These relaxation training is recommended by our world’s top psychologists, neuroscientists and meditation teachers!
Think happier. Think calmer.
Think about subscribing for free weekly tools here.