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If you’re seeking a lasting relationship, then you will appreciate reading this complete guide to infatuation in romantic love.
“Lust shouts. Love whispers. Only the heart knows the difference”.
This beautiful quote is by Jan Hurst-Nicholson. And these words ring true to the delicate and perplexing nature of our amorous feelings towards another person.
According to research, over 70% of millennials are choosing to stay single until they find “the one.”
But how do you know when you’ve found the one?
For many of us, love can be a tricky thing – especially when it is clouded by the veil of infatuation.
While some might think that love and infatuation feel the same, there are a few key differences between the two.
As you might know, I am a bestselling relationship author with about 2 million books sold globally.
Plus I founded a groundbreaking video course called Broken Heart Recovery.
I love sharing insights and strategies to help people to break bad love patterns of their past and improve how they connect with people in relationships.
With this in mind I put together this quick guide on the signs of infatuation and how to tell the difference between love and lust.
Infatuation can be described as the feeling of intense desire for someone.
The feeling is usually short-lived and occurs before there is a foundation between two people.
There is also a surge of dopamine when you meet someone you’re infatuated with.
Generally, there is a lot of uncertainty around your connection in infatuation. This uncertainty also adds to the novelty of the situation and heightens the feelings involved. It usually starts off with a lot of intensity and passion but fizzles out quickly.
Different types of love will have one or two out of the three components.
And long-lasting love will have all three components.
When it comes to infatuation, there are certain signs to look out for.
While some of the feelings associated with infatuation might feel like love, there are a few discerning factors.
If you’re feeling confused by your feelings towards someone, these signs of infatuation can help you understand your feelings.
One of the most common signs that you are infatuated with someone is that you idolize them or put them on a pedestal. This is dangerous territory that can often lead to heartbreak because it means that you don’t see yourself as their equal.
With this type of infatuation, you fail to see the person’s flaws, and all of their qualities seem perfect. If you’re infatuated with someone, you won’t be able to see them as a whole person because you will likely feel like you’re lucky to even be with them. This type of thinking isn’t fair to you or to the other person.
This can also be referred to as “puppy love.” And only once this phase is over, can you see the person clearly as they are, flaws and all. Only then can you see if your feelings are genuine enough to turn into long-lasting love.
When you truly have feelings for someone, you will take the time to get to know them on a deeper level.
When it comes to infatuation, a lot of your interactions involve flirting. They are surface-level interactions with no real depth or substance. This involves constantly giving compliments, mostly based on the persona’s appearance.
If you feel that you don’t have much to talk about, and the conversation feels stagnant, chances are that you default to flirting when you’re infatuated. Flirting is a natural part of interacting with someone that you’re attracted to but if it takes up most of your conversation, it is because you’re infatuated, not in love.
If you’re in lust or infatuated with someone, you naturally become hypervigilant about everything they do.
They might be upset about something irrelevant to your relationship but you will take it as a sign that they are being distant. You might begin to doubt their feelings for you, question what you’ve done to upset them, or feel intensely insecure.
You might also begin to feel jealous and have insecure thoughts that they are interested in someone else.
This is not only unhealthy for your relationship, but for your own state of mind.
You wind up…
The feeling of desperation is one of the most pronounced signs of infatuation. You not only feel desperate to move things forward with the person but you also feel a sense of desperation for any seeds of attention from them.
Even a small token of affection or even a text from them, and you hold on to the gesture until you get another “hit”.
What makes this behavior unhealthy is that it is a clear sign that you are not acting like yourself. You’re on your best behavior to try to get them to notice you and you aren’t letting them see who you really are. It is also obvious to them, however subtle your behavior might be, that you’re giving them the power and control over your feelings.
There are certain types of love that are easy to decipher. The love between a mother and child, or love between friends. However, when it comes to romantic love, it can be more difficult to see your feelings clearly.
If you’re trying to decide if your feelings are love or infatuation, remember that infatuation usually happens instantly but love takes time to develop. Deep love relies on a solid foundation that builds over time.
Additionally, you can think bout infatuation as an “idea” of love, rather than the actual thing. Meeting someone whose feelings are not reciprocated and you find yourself obsessed with the idea of being with them, you’re likely in infatuation territory.
Those who are infatuated will also act out in childish ways and even hold resentment for the other person if they don’t feel the same way. Love, on the other hand, is unconditional and encourages maturity.
If you want to find out more about the difference between love and infatuation, click here to learn about limerance.
Although infatuation might feel like real love, there are important factors that can help you figure out your feelings and help you on your journey to finding love. If you put someone on a pedestal, find yourself constantly flirting, become hypervigilant about their behavior, and feel desperate for their attention, chances are you are infatuated and not in love.
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