Have you heard about the famous research study done on a clique of young goldfish?
They were raised in a luxuriously long aquarium with a pesky glass wall smack down its middle.
Every time these goldfish tried to swim to the far side of the aquarium—ouch—they’d hit their little fish noses on the glass wall’s hard surface.
Eventually, the goldfish were resigned to their limited swimming options and stayed swooshing around in the half-size aquarium, which they now recognized as home.
After a few months, the researchers removed the glass wall, allowing the goldfish full reign to swim wherever their little gills could gather speed to take them.
The goldfish never tried to swim to the other side of the long aquarium.
Although the goldfish were no longer stopped by that glass wall, they were stopped by their limiting beliefs. They became prisoners of their past life conditioning!
Over time, we amass limiting beliefs about how life supposedly is —beliefs that are not valid.
Then we allow these limiting beliefs to stop us from fully living our happiest lives.
If you want to experience maximum happiness, you need to move past and through your limiting beliefs.
That’s easy. Your life is difficult.
You keep finding yourself saying things like:
“I can never get a break in love!”
“My ex is a total Prince Harming!”
“All men are total Prince Harmings!”
“Men in distant galaxies are total Prince Harmings!”
(Note: This is a term I coined in my e-book Prince Harming Syndrome to describe men who are either “trouble” or “troubled” I also know there are lots of Princess Harmings out there too! Indeed, all the principles in my book and this article apply equally to both Prince and Princess Harmings. Feel free to swap genders as you read forward!).
Basically, whenever you experience repeated pattern of failure in love, it’s because your subconscious is blocking you with an imaginary glass wall – a limiting belief which is telling you:
Yep, you’re simply being blocked by a mirage of glass – just like those goldfish were.
Or if you’re a “foodie,” a good analogy to describe “glass wall limitations” is to say it’s as if your subconscious has given you a very limited menu of your love life options, and in reality, you have many more yummy love life ordering selections available!
If you keep finding yourself saying, “All the men I date are Prince Harmings—emotionally unavailable, bad listeners, who suck at communicating!” you must ask why you keep picking men who are this way.
After all, there are many emotionally available, good-listening, highly communicative men out there!
So, next time you find yourself saying “this always happens” or “this never happens for me” – stop yourself.
Know this now: Whenever you use the words “always” or “never” in a self-flagellating sentence – it’s usually a sign that your mischievous subconscious is setting you up for failure.
In many ways, for many reasons, the subconscious should actually receive bigger and better billing than mere “sub” status. It should be called the “over-and-above-conscious” because it makes so many of your life decisions.
Your subconscious is why your diary can often read like Mad Libs. For instance:
I’m___________(mad, resentful, depressed) that ___________(my past paramour, present paramour, future paramour) doesn’t_________(listen to me, respect me, love me more). It reminds me of what happened ______________ (last week, last month, last year, next week, next month, next year) with ____________ (my past paramour, present paramour, future paramour).
So what stops you from seeing that there’s far more love life options out there? What I call The 3 Cs, which are:
1. Childhood’s Limiting Beliefs: Your learned (b)lame excuses, mistaken thinking and false fears created by thepain, disappointment and repeated patterns you learned from family and friends when you were young and sponge-like.
2. Culture’s Limiting Beliefs: Your learned (b)lame excuses, mistaken thinking and false fears created from society’s messages of false limitations, stereotyping and biased trends.
A terrific example of a culture’s limiting belief is the famed Roger Bannister story.
Until 1954, most people believed that a human could not run a mile in less than four minutes until Roger Bannister did just that. Ever since, running four-minute miles has become run-of-the-mill.
“Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one could die in the attempt,” Bannister said right after his accomplishment.
“When I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead.” Which is why it’s important to wake up to our culture’s limiting beliefs or it can create a limiting “that’s impossible” self-fulfilling prophecy.
3. Calamity’s Limiting Beliefs: Your learned (b)lame excuses, mistaken thinking and false fears created from very specific crisis, including: a bad breakup, a divorce, a sexual assault, a job failure, a bankruptcy, a mugging, an illness, the death of a loved one, etc.
Yes, there’s an abundance of ways you can limit your life due to your subconscious’ limiting thinking and thereby wind up with a pattern of dating and/or marrying Prince Harmings.
When I coach women who are trying break free of their addictive pattern for Prince Harmings, it’s always fascinating to me when I tell them they must start to prioritize finding a man who values growing. A man who revels in open, honest communication, 20/20 listening and a Gumby-like flexibility for compromise. The women laugh heartily at my description of this evolved kind of man. They insist he does not exist! Yes, that’s how blocked these women are by some aspect of those 3 Cs.
I remind them: “If you’re telling me that you believe that men can’t be emotionally evolved enough to want to grow, communicate from the heart, empathize, and validate you…well… then… you’re basically saying that all men are ’emotional bimbos.'”
I remind them that they have to stop looking for proof that men are emotional bimbos.
Indeed, they can create a self-fulfilling negative prophecy simply by treating a good man to their bad attitude toward him.
I tell them that they must start to look for proof of the abundance of super cool Prince Charming–esque guys who are out there. I remind them how some are either married to or dating their lucky girlfriends, some are written up in the news, some are working alongside them at their offices – and some are even in the very bed with them!
I tell them: The more that they start to notice good men – the more they will believe in the existence of good men – and thereby the more likely the will be to find a good man.
If so, ask yourself if a glass wall is blocking you from seeing all the emotionally-evolved qualities of the man you’re already with or blocking you from finding a man with lots of emotionally evolved qualities!