7 Clear Signs a Loved One May Be Struggling With Alcohol

How do you know when someone’s drinking has crossed a line? It’s easy to brush things off. Maybe they’ve had a tough week. Maybe they’re just the “life of the party.” But if you’re noticing certain behaviors that feel off, don’t ignore your gut. Sometimes, what looks like casual drinking is actually a sign of something much deeper.

If someone you care about is drinking too much, it’s not always obvious at first. It creeps in. Slowly, their habits change, their mood shifts, and suddenly things feel… different. The trouble is, alcohol misuse doesn’t always show up in the way people expect. It’s not just about how often someone drinks, but how it affects their life, their relationships, and their ability to cope.

So, how can you tell if someone you love might be struggling? Here are 7 signs to look out for. If several of these feel familiar, it might be time to take the situation seriously.

1. Regular excuses or justifications for drinking

Pay attention to the language they use around alcohol. If they often make comments like “I deserve this after today” or “It’s just one drink to take the edge off,” that’s not always casual banter. Repeated justifications can be a subtle way of masking dependence.

It’s especially concerning if the excuses are constant – after work, during weekends, even on days when there isn’t any particular stress. It becomes less about enjoyment and more about need.

2. Changes in personality or mood swings

Alcohol affects the brain, and over time, that influence becomes noticeable in behaviour.

You might see them become more irritable, defensive, or withdrawn. Or maybe they seem fine when drinking, but different when they’re not. These mood swings aren’t always dramatic. Sometimes it’s as simple as becoming snappy over small things, or zoning out during conversations.

When someone starts using alcohol to manage emotions, their emotional stability often takes a hit. This is when it becomes time to consider how you’re going to broach this with your loved one. Do your research first. Find a reputable centre for alcohol and addiction rehabilitation in your area, and approach the conversation with empathy, not accusations.

3. Disappearing acts and vague plans

Have they become unreliable? People dealing with alcohol issues often start missing appointments, cancelling last minute, or avoiding plans altogether. You might notice they’re vague about where they’ve been or what they’ve been doing. They might disappear for hours or come home late without much explanation.

And if they’re always keen to meet at pubs or events that involve drinking – and avoid plans that don’t – that’s another red flag.

4. Neglecting responsibilities or hobbies

A once-reliable friend who starts dropping the ball. A partner who used to love cooking but now only orders in. A sibling who no longer shows interest in family events.

Alcohol misuse doesn’t just affect the person drinking. It touches everything around them – their work, their routines, their passions. You might hear phrases like, “I’m just too tired,” or “I don’t enjoy that anymore.” But when these changes align with increased drinking, they’re worth questioning.

It’s not laziness. It’s often a sign that alcohol is starting to take priority over everything else.

5. Physical changes that don’t add up

No one wants to judge a loved one based on appearance, but physical symptoms can be telling.

Look for things like:

• Bloodshot eyes – especially at unusual times, like mornings or early afternoons
• Frequent bloating or facial redness – signs that often go hand-in-hand with regular drinking
• Unexplained weight changes – especially weight loss due to missed meals or poor nutrition
• Trembling hands – especially noticeable in the mornings
• Neglected hygiene – like not showering, brushing teeth, or changing clothes regularly

These aren’t guaranteed signs, of course. But if they show up alongside other patterns, they could be part of a bigger picture.

6. Defensiveness when questioned

This one’s tricky because it often catches people off guard. If you gently ask about their drinking and they become angry, dismissive, or sarcastic, it’s usually not about your question. It’s about the discomfort behind it. People who feel in control rarely get defensive.

You might hear comments like, “You’re overreacting,” or “I don’t drink any more than anyone else.” These reactions aren’t just self-protection; they can be early signs of denial. Defensiveness is often less about hiding the truth from you and more about hiding it from themselves.

7. They’re drinking alone or in secret

Drinking has always been a social activity. But when it shifts behind closed doors, something is off.

Maybe they’re hiding bottles. Maybe you notice empty cans in the bin that weren’t there before. Maybe you smell alcohol on their breath at odd times, or they joke about having “one to take the edge off” while cooking or cleaning.

Drinking in secret is rarely casual. It’s usually a sign that the person feels ashamed or knows deep down that their relationship with alcohol is no longer healthy.

If it feels off, trust your instincts

It’s hard to admit that someone close to you might be dealing with a drinking problem. It’s uncomfortable. It raises questions you might not be ready to answer. But paying attention to the signs isn’t about labelling them. It’s about looking out for them.

No one chooses to struggle with alcohol. It often begins as a way to cope with stress, grief, anxiety, or overwhelm. And for many people, it creeps in slowly, until suddenly it feels like the only thing keeping them going.

If you’ve noticed several of the signs above, it might be time to speak up. That conversation won’t be easy. But staying silent can sometimes do more harm than good.