There’s also a not-so-famous expression (because I’m making it up!):
“It’s as easy to complain about a rich man as it is to complain about a poor man.”
Although the total absence of an income might bring its share of stress into a relationship, adamantly seeking a marital partner who’s a millionaire won’t necessarily guarantee you a lifetime of bliss.
Sociological researcher H. W. Perkins surveyed 800 college alumni, and discovered the following…
Those who reported “Yuppie values” (preferring high income, job success, and status over enjoying truly close friendships and highly-connected love relationships) were twice as likely to describe themselves as “fairly” or “very” unhappy.
Interestingly, a similar correlation appeared among 7,167 college students surveyed in 41 countries.
Those who prioritized love over money reported higher life satisfaction than their money-obsessed pals.
Mere hearsay – according to Jan Andersen, associate professor at CSU Sacramento, who did extensive sociological research and wrote a doctoral dissertation on this very subject.
On an interesting note, when Anderson first embarked on his research, his goal was to prove a cause/affect link between money/divorce.
“As a predictor of divorce, money problems are … so minor,” Andersen says. “If we look at all the causes of divorce, financial problems can only account for 5% of the effect.”
Andersen was both a child of divorce and a teacher of personal finance and so he liked the concept that improving money managing skills might improve marriage success rates.
However to Andersen’s surprise, the only research he found showing an actual link between money and divorce was one mere survey from 1948 — of postwar divorced women asked what ended their marriages.
Their leading response: “nonsupport.”
Translation: Hubby wasn’t providing enough money.
Recent research, however, consistently showed money playing a far lesser role in divorce – usually ranking about fifth in the blame line-up – behind incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems.
Another essential point to keep in mind:
Even when couples fight about money, they’re often really fighting about more important underlying problems — reminds Olivia Mellan, a Washington D.C. therapist.
“It’s always what the money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth,” explains Mellan.
The lesson to be learned from all this:
All the money in the world won’t make you happy. But a loving highly-connected relationship just might.
1. When in the courting phase, make sure you and your paramour do a range of activities having nada to do with moola. Go for a picnic in the park. Eat in a greasy spoon diner. Cook athome and watch an old movie. Suss out how much you enjoy each other’s company while merely putting cheese-whiz on a Ritz — and not putting on the Ritz!
2. Talk directly about money with your paramour. How much do you need to be happy – and why? What do you prioritize spending money on? Trips. Clothes. A fabulous home. Charity events. College Education. Plastic surgery. Saving rainforests. Do you share the same monetary priorities? Are you both compatible when it comes to being high vs. low spenders?
3. Discuss with your partner how each of you relates money to self-worth, pleasure, freedom, security, dependency, control. Do you both share compatible attitudes about the underlying “value” and “role” of money?
4. Buy a bunch of gossip magazines, and read all about the troubled relationships of the rich and famous. Obviously money is not buying guaranteed happiness amongst the jet set.
5. If you insist on marring rich, make sure your partner has a diversified “good character values” portfolio. Meaning? Make sure your partner has the full appealing gamut of: valuing communication, loyalty, warmth, friendship, family, trust, and compassion.
No doubt about it. A night spent with the right intimate partner eating tuna fish sandwiches is far more enjoyable than a night spent with the wrong partner eating lobster and caviar.
Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
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