How to love again after being hurt

How to love again after being hurt

Note: This is a guest blog essay by Lisa Moeller

With all my might, I choose to love hard. At times I question my sanity – as do some of my friends. I look for and see the good in everyone. And if not the good, then the potential for good. I also believe some people can possibly be irretrievably lost to evil, perpetual anger, hate, confusion.

I pity these people, because I know how inward pain can beget outward pain. I believe something beyond their control has altered their ability to function in a way that benefits the people who love them – and thereby humanity as a whole.

I sometimes wonder if, subconciously, people hesitate to love – or parcel out their love – because they think they only have so much to go around.

They are selective about whom they give love to and how much they give to them.

Maybe some people feel love loses its value if given away too much. I sometimes wonder if people harbor the unexamined idea that their hearts will run out of room for future people they might love “even more,” so they “reserve” space just in case.

What if those people never show?

What happens to the vacancy – this “unused” love?

I think the original purpose of love has been defiled, twisted and altered – and fear is the culprit! Fear of being taken advantage of, used, rejected, ignored. I believe love is the true nature of every human being and everyone has the capacity for it. I find it unfortunate that some people may believe that they are given a certain “quantity” of love, and because they’re afraid of running out of their love, they become misers of their love.

I think it is sad that so many people (including me) have misunderstood the original purpose for the existence of love. If there ever was a time for understanding love, it is NOW. Our world’s too often misconstrued concept of love might even be the very cause of our needing to understand love with this hastening requiring a capital lettered version of NOW.

Some people are of the belief that the use of the word love is bandied about too much. But I ask, “How so?”

How can the love of anything or anyone be in action too much?

Love, every layer of it, is always good.

I also believe that categorizing love into eros and agape is unnecessary. I believe agape love is much like broth – and the sexual intimacies you may share with someone are the added ingredients that make it a certain flavor of soup – akin to the idea of being best friends before you become lovers. You either add the ingredients, or you don’t.

I had an epiphany tonight about love.

I recognize that epiphanies are sometimes blinding in their simplicity. In sharing mine, I run the risk of your thinking “uh…duh!” in reaction. And that’s okay. It’s my epiphany – and because of the nature of it, I believe it’s worth sharing – if even one mere person becomes less afraid to love generously. My epiphany came as a direct result of worrying about someone whom I love so much it hurts. I began to question why I would love so much, when the emotional “return for my investment” may never come.

Here it is: I am not a static “container of love” with a dangerously limited supply.

I can actually love all I want and never, ever run out!

More importantly, with the correct perspective, I can never lose by loving and especially not by demonstrating that love.

Once I love someone – in love’s truest form – which is a form which requires it being for their highest good and without concern for my personal gain or expectations.

Anyway, once I love someone, I believe I will always love them – and they will forever have that space in my heart – even if they can’t reciprocate.

Yes, even if this person has consciously hurt me, due to not loving me the way I want, I recognize that my hurt is merely the direct result of my unmet expectations. I shouldn’t allow the past to taint my view of “love” as a whole.

My epiphany in a simple nutshell: No matter how many people I love – no matter how many people stake property in my heart – there will always be room in my heart for more.

My heart will never “max out.” My heart just gets bigger.

This guest blog was written by Lisa Moeller. Please check out more of her wonderful writing by clicking here!

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Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

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