SOME SOUL MATE SNAGGING TIPS...

I recently got out of a relationship with someone who I never felt fully connected with.

After work at dinner each night I'd always ask him about his day, but to no avail. He'd clam up, never sharing fully who he was underneath his expensive suits. And whenever I tried to get him to talk about his emotions, he'd stonewall, confessing his ex used to have the same problem with his inability to want to share his feelings.

In thinking about this now I realized he didn't have AN OPEN SOUL, which should be a top priority for anyone seeking a SOUL MATE.

YES...first and foremost -- far ahead of seeking someone who is sexy, smart, funny, successful -- you must seek AN OPEN SOUL.

Likewise, if you want to snag a SOUL MATE it is essential you be AN OPEN SOUL.

Sure when you live with AN OPEN SOUL you run more risks for rejection, abandonment, and overall vulnerability/pain.

BUT...

It is only when you risk living with AN OPEN SOUL that you stand any chance at all of feeling connected to another.

Another perk to OPEN SOUL-DOM: self-growth!

When you drop your guards and your fancy-shmancy socialized self exterior, you are up for being challenged -- and thereby up for growing into your highest potential -- which in my belief system is the holy grail for happiness -- gaining insights which help you grow into your highest potential.

Chances are if you are already AN OPEN SOUL it's because you are presently someone who values becoming your highest self, and are thereby up for the risk and challenge of true intimacy. If so, yay for you!

OPEN SOUL people are those who live a life viewing relationships as not only being there for THE PRACTICAL PURPOSE of companionship -- but for THE HIGHER PURPOSE of growth.

OPEN SOUL people put learning how to be better at receiving and giving love as a top life priority... and thereby spend a lot of their time in SOUL SHARING mode... being communicative, appreciative, openly caring, openly loving - because they know the gains of true intimacy far outweigh the pains.

Indeed, if you want to better increase your odds of finding your SOUL MATE, increase your openness of sharing your soul with your partner.

Yo! It's called a SOUL MATE for a reason! Being a SOUL MATE with someone is about connecting soul to soul with them. And if your soul is not coming out to play, you will never feel connected - and thereby never feel like youve found your SOUL MATE. End of story (and a story without that yearned for happily ever after ending)!

WITH THIS IN MIND, HERE ARE SOME SOUL OPENING TIPS TO KEEP IN MIND AS YOU GO ABOUT YOUR WEEK:

1. STOP expecting your partner to be a mind reader. Hate to break it to you -- BUT -- even mind readers are NOT really mind readers! They're clever show biz folks. If a mind reader is not truly a mind reader, neither is your partner! Speak up! If something is on your mind... share it! One of my favorite quotes is from Emile Zola: I came into this world to live out loud. ...So live out loud, dammit!

2. STOP focusing on your fears of intimacy (aka: rejection and abandonment) and re-focus on the amazing perks of intimacy (aka true connection and higher self growth potential!)

3. Commit to staying committed. When the relationship gets bumpy -- see things through the lens of "growth opportunity" -- and learn how to share how you feel warmly with the potential of you being wrong and your partner being right! Learn how to better give and receive love when it's hardest to give and receive. Remember: All relationship challenges are opportunistic vehicles to help you learn how to better receive and give love...the holiest grails to aim yourself at in life

Can workaholism be as bad for productivity as alcoholism?

According to Charles Czeisler, a specialist in sleep deprivation at Harvard Medical School, workaholism might just be.

Dr. Czeisler recently reported that lack of sleep can be as bad for productivity as drinking too much alcohol.

According to Dr. Czeisler : "We now know that 24 hours without sleep, or a week of sleeping four or five hours a night, induces an impairment equivalent to having alcohol level in the blood. We would never say, 'This person is a great worker! He's drunk all the time!' …yet we continue to celebrate people who sacrifice sleep for work."

And Corporate America does promote workaholism amongst its ranks - pushing exec's to work marathon-100-hour-workweeks, encouraging employees to take red-eyes and land with fast-feet running to the office, rather than catch needed shut-eye and re-energize.

Dr. Czeisler warns that burning candles at both ends actually does not justify the productivity ends. Indeed sleep deprivation creates the antithesis to high performance.

“With too little sleep,” Dr Czeisler says, “people do things that no CEO in his or her right mind would allow.”

For this reason, Dr. Czeisler suggests companies now start to incorporate new sleep policies which oppose employees working beyond a 16-consecutive-hour period, and prohibit working or driving immediately after late-night or overnight flights.

Dr. Czeisler comments how it’s interesting that companies have rules to protect employees against smoking and sexual harassment -- yet companies promote self-destructve workaholism behavior.

I suggest you keep Dr. Czeisler ‘s report in mind the next time you have a choice between working too long versus getting needed rest.

In fact, I suggest you sleep on all this.

HAPPY DAMMIT SEMINAR - APRIL 18TH - NYC LEARNING ANNEX

Happiness tip#27: Sing your heart-ache out.

FACT: The Institute of Music, Health and Education has found that just five minutes of singing or humming can put you in a sunnier mood.

Your Happiness Assignment: When in the shower or bath, sing until your heart's content. Avoid songs once shared with an ex or lyrics on the maudlin side.

Some Guaranteed Musical Boosters I recommend: We will rock you – Queen; We are the champions – Queen; Emotional rescue – Rolling Stones; Simply the best – Tina Turner; Like a rolling stone – Bob Dylan; Respect – Aretha Franklin; Brass in pocket – Pretenders; Mustang sally – Wilson Pickett or the Commitments; These boots are made for walking - Nancy Sinatra; My Way - Frank Sinatra; Wind beneath my wings – Bette Midler; I will survive – Gloria Gaynor; Mocking bird – Carly Simon and James Taylor; Don’t worry Be happy – Bobby McFerrin; I can see clearly now - Bob Marley; Calling all angels – K.D. Lang; In my life – The Beatles; Who let the dogs out – Baha men; Banana boat song – Harry Belafonte; Girls just want to have fun – Cyndi Lauper!

If you live in NYC...come join me live -- and I will share all the latest empowering mood boosting research and tips to help you through challenging times -- at my Be Happy, Dammit seminar at THE LEARNING ANNEX on APRIL 18TH (Course 366CNY, Section A) from 7:00 PM to 8:30 PM. I promise I will help to perk up even the most cynical spirit - by sharing new research and techniques from psychology, biology, eastern and western philosophies, quantum physics, the Zen of Bazooka Joe.

Register by calling the New York Learning Annex office at (212) 371-0280...or click this linkerooni.

Lincoln was right. “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

According to the Happiness Project at Oxford University, half of your personality is inherited!

Meaning..., your disposition toward optimism and happiness is based 50% on your genetic inheritance.

But that's actually good news -- because this means you have control of that other hefty 50%. So happiness is really an inner decision. It's about making up your mind to control your mind -- harness your conscious brain power to think about things differently and seek positive solutions and activities which bring you the most joy.

As Lincoln said: “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

HAPPINESS ASSIGNMENT: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a best selling author on happiness and “flow,” suggests you systematically record your activities and feelings every few hours for two weeks. Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being most positive). Then afterwards, note your high points versus low points. Afterwards, consciously adjust how you spend your time according to your findings -- and you will soon be happier.

Q: How can you make more money and quadruple your overall career success?

A:
Increase how much fun you have at work!

FACT:
According to a recent business study: "The financial performance of organizations with highly favorable employee attitudes is typically nearly 4 times better than the financial performance of companies with poor employee attitudes.”

In other words:
It PAYS to have fun on the job!

Come to my MARCH 12TH SEMINAR at SOHO HOUSE called "FUN IS YOUR HIGH PERFORMANCE FUEL" and learn the secrets that wildly successful fun-embracing companies like Jamba Juice, Google, Whole Foods and Starbucks know!

RSVP fast -- because seats will go fast!

date/time:
MARCH 12TH, 7pm

place:
Soho House
9th ave. between 13th and 14th St.

entry fee:
$25.00

rsvp asap at:
info@notsalmon.com

Looking forward to a FUN NIGHT -- which will lead to many more FUNNER and MORE CAREER FULFILLING TOMORROWS!

How's Your Email-Q?

Hey Notsalmon Reader,

Always start e-mail with a warm greeting – even if you’re in a hurry.

Remember: readers prefer bullet point sentences.

Truly.

Try not to write in big blocky paragraphs.

Short and double-spaced sentences are easier to read and digest.

See?

Feel free to add emotion icons -- even in business emails -- to keep tone friendly. :-)

Dashes keep energy up -- so use them too!

Even if you're in a rush, end with a warm salutation and signature information.

Warmly,

Karen Salmansohn

notsalmon.com
not your ordinary books

ps
Sign up for NYC seminar on MARCH 12TH at 7pm at Soho House called: Fun is Your High Performance Fuel! ....Write me at info@notsalmon.com for more info!

Oprah morphed with Jon Stewart!

I'm excited to announce... starting in mid-March I will be hosting my own SIRIUS radio show (on Channel 114 brought to you by Steve Case's new Lime Media) called BE HAPPY DAMMIT HOUR (named after my best selling book) which will air LIVE Monday - Friday, 8am - 9am EST. This daily SIRIUS show is sort of like OPRAH MORPHED WITH JON STEWART -- offering empowering info and fascinating guests -- all delivered up to you with feisty humor -- and truly helping you to live your happiest, most fulfilling, most productive life! I envision my show as being more than a talk show -- but an ACTION show -- by offering ACTIONABLE TIPS YOU CAN USE EASILY AND MERRILY TO CREATE LIFE CHANGE THAT STICKS! (YES, I AM SO EXCITED I AM WRITING ALL THIS IN CAPITAL LETTERS. LET ME GO HOGWILD AND USE BOLD LETTERS TO TELL YOU HOW PSYCHED I AM AND TO INVITE YOU TO CALL ME ON AIR DURING MY SHOW AND ASK ME QUESTIONS OR OFFER COMMENTS AT 866-LIME-114 !!)Check in again for exact launch date!

Today I'd like to introduce you to someone who can help you in your career: YOU!

During my ENOUGH DAMMIT seminar, I mentioned I had a list of questions entitled THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE IS TO TO FIND AND DO THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE, which help you best determine your truest career passion.

Many of you wrote me asking for this list, so here it is. Voila ...some questions all about YOU... to help you better understand what kind of career will make you happiest.

How long did it take you to get a cellphone and/or on the Internet? (How much of a pioneer are you?)

Look at your oldest address book. Who are you no longer friends with? Why?

What core values broke up the friendship? Who are you hanging out with more today than 10 years ago? Why?

What do you have to offer your friends that others don't?

What do you have to offer in the business world that others don't?

What do others have to offer in friendship and/or business that you don't?

As a child, what were your thoughts on success and money?

What were your parents thoughts on success and money?

How do you differ from your parents in your money/business thoughts?

What was the first dollar you ever made for? What trait led to its earning?

What was the most amount of money you ever made for your talent? What trait led to its earning? Where were you (in mind, place, interrelationships) when you created this highest money earning project?

What was the work project you've been the proudest of? What unique trait of yours led to its creation? Where were you when you (in mind, place, interrelationships) when you created this project of highest pride?

What is your highest ambition? Is it more money oriented or pride oriented?

Whom you admire? Why?

Whom do you resent? Why?

Who do you think is the happiest in their career?

Who do you think has the most balance in their career and personal life?

What was your first moment you knew clearly that you wanted to pursue the career you are presently in? What thought/incident/feeling led you to be attracted to your career? Do you still feel this way today -- or has the career honeymoon waned? If so, why?

What is your best creative/productive time of day? Why?

What are your vulnerable negative triggers that you get spinning downward?

What self-talk do you say to yourself when you're cocky?

Have you changed in any way since you took the job you're now in? Are you married? A parent? Divorced? Fatter? Fitter? Did you go through any life-altering change?

What interests you now versus then?

Now ...what did you learn about yourself from all of the above -- and how are you gonna use it make you the happiest you've ever been in your career?

INSTANT LOVE (AND SEX) BOOSTERS!

First...thanks to everyone who attended last night's sold out ENOUGH DAMMIT seminar!

I know afterwards a bunch of you asked me more about how to snag and keep the happiest love relationship.

Here's some of my favorite love research discoveries, so you can all enjoy your happiest Valentine's Day ever!

1. Marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman’s main learned hypothesis: Respect and consistent daily affection are the two top essentials for successful relationships -- and contempt is the number one destroyer.

2. Dr. Gottman discovered couples who remain married vs. divorced often experienced just as much conflict -- but put in more "repair" -- with a 5 to 1 ratio of nice to nasty moments. Or as Dr. Gottman himself said: "Satisfied couples maintained a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative moments in their relationship, whereas couples heading for divorce allowed that ratio to slip below...to often one-to-one." Dr. Gottman's presecription: If you're having problems with your honey,add more honey! Give a hug. Cuddle. Compliment.

3. Psychoanalyst Dr. Jani emphasizes the importance of two people being able to appreciate ordinary everyday moments together -- and recommends always starting your day asking: "Anything special going on today?" At the end of the day, always ask: "Hey, how did that special thing go?" All this might seem obvious, but we can forget to ask about daily minutia. And the more you remember to ask, according to Dr. Jani, the more your sex life will improve -- because it will make your partner feel more connected with you! (Who knew? Simply asking:"How was your day, dear?" can lead to hot times in bed?!)

4. Research consistently shows money plays a far lesser role in divorce – usually ranking about fifth in the blame line-up – behind incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems. According to Olivia Mellan, author of “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships” even when couples fight about money, they’re often fighting about underlying problems. Mellan reminds: “Fights about money are usually more about what money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth.”

5. All psychologists agree: A couple is only as “strong” as their weakest moments -- how they handle conflict! There are THREE conflict strategies: #ONE: avoidance (the worst); #TWO: fighting (better than avoidance, but still not healthful or helpful); #THREE. validation (the winning method – which means trying to see things from the other person’s view, and sharing all views with kindness, and the goal of finding a win-win compromise!) TRANSLATION: When facing conflict, talk with your partner at the speed of life. Do not shut down. Do not attack. And ABSOLUTELY avoid that #1 love vaporizer: condescension!

HAPPINESS TIP: CHANGE IS A GIVEN. CHANGE WILL HAPPEN. BUT PROGRESS IS A CHOICE!