Our "Word to the Wise" series continues...

per·spi·cu·i·ty [pur-spi-kyoo-i-tee]
–noun
clearness or lucidity, as of a statement.

Sometimes when we have strong feelings about an issue, it's difficult to express ourselves eloquently, especially to the person who caused these feelings. We fall back on stonewalling, manipulative double-speak or even passive aggressive behavior.

But these actions, or more appropriately inactions, only leave us in a worse state.

The best thing to do when someone does something that upsets us is to LET THEM KNOW! How on earth else will they know how we're feeling? Just because we feel strongly about an issue, doesn't mean the intensity is reciprocated.

Take for example, a relationship in which the woman wants to move things forward to exclusivity. Rather than just coming out and saying, "You know, I'm very interested in you and am wondering how you feel about making this relationship more serious", she instead tells the other person she's going on a date, just to see their reaction and stir up feelings of jealousy.

Unfortunately, this "double-speak-zero-truth-speak" might wind up leading their love interest to interpret the date as a sign that the woman is not interested in being exclusive. They, in turn, make plans with another woman to counter-act. Oh how that backfired!

The truth is, if we're close enough with someone to share our feelings with them, then we should be close enough to tell them the absolute truth. This rule applies to romantic relationships, sexual relationships, relationships with our parents, co-workers,…The list goes on and on.

Honesty really IS the best policy. Although it's difficult at times to put ourselves out there and make ourselves vulnerable, it's absolutely necessary if we want relationships filled with understanding and compassion - and true joyous intimacy.

We should never be afraid to say what we want. Otherwise, we might never get it, dammit!

Holley Simmons reporting!