The 5 Secrets To A Happier Life - Which Should Not Be Kept A Secret

This morning my boyfriend asked me what I was reading. It was a book called THE 5 SECRETS YOU MUST DISCOVER BEFORE YOU DIE -- which after reading I became aware of how non-secretive I should be about the info within.

Not only does the author, Dr. John Izzo, include important concepts we should all be thinking about -- but interesting conversations we can all benefit from sharing with our paramours, friends and family.

Dr. Izzo interviewed several thousand people, asking them each to identify the "wisest" people they knew -- someone who had lived a long, happy life. He then identified 235 "wise elders" - from ages 60 to 105, including a town barber, real etstae tycoon, Holocost survivor, native chief, CEO, etc etc... He then distilled all their wisest insights, finding 5 common patterns. Additionally, he developed some questions we should all ask ourselves and those we love on a consistent basis.

Voila... Dr. Izzo's cliff notes...

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. Follow your heart and dreams - not the dreams of others. This may mean making a radical change, or small adjustments. QUESTIONS TO ASK: Did this day/week feel like "your" kind of day/week? What might make tomorrow/next week feel more true to you?

LEAVE NO REGRETS. Dr. Izzo found people didnt regret risks they failed at - but rather ones they did not take. QUESTIONS TO ASK: Did you act on your convictions today/this week? How are you responding to setbacks? Are you stepping forward or retreating?

BECOME LOVE. The more you focus on acting with love - the more you'll find happiness. This begins with choosing to love yourself - and breaking away from thoughts that are self-defeating/self-critical. You must also be making love relationships a top priority. QUESTIONS TO ASK: Did you make room for your paramour, friends, family today/this week? Did you spread love/kindness in the world at each interaction?

LIVE THE MOMENT. This means living in the now...rather than simply plannning. QUESTIONS TO ASK: Did you fully enjoy what you were doing today/this week? What are you grateful for?

GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE. Each day you have the power to give without limit. Giving connects you to other people and feeling like you are part of something larger than yourself -- whether it's a supreme being or the entire human journey. QUESTIONS TO ASK: Did you make the world a better place today/this week in some small way? Were you kind, generous, empathic? How could you be more so tomorrow/next week?

10 Secrets To A Happier Love Life

First, read this list of relationship tips below. When you get to the bottom, I will share with you WHERE they come from -- a surprising source!

1. We all create our relationships to work out issues that need to be addressed.

2. We project most of our undesirable AND fabulous qualities on to the partner.

3. Own what are your relationship issues and what are the other person's issues. Acknowledge your part in the play. We always attract our "equal" on the continuum. A victim will always find a victimizer, a masochist a sadist, a giver a taker. No judgements, but don't think it's their issue that they always leave... You change YOUR behavior and you will attract a different kind of partner.

4. Ignorance and emotional immaturity cause pain. Pick your emotional equal, which has very little to do with age. There are still 50 year olds playing in the sandbox.

5. Pain and frustration are the result of not wanting to see reality. Do your partner's words and actions match up? The first meeting actually shows you the entire trajectory of a relationship. A person usually tells you who he/she is in the first five minutes of meeting. (aka: I'm not a relationship oriented person, I'm not ready to open up to someone, I usually leave/get left, I'm not a good person)

6. Feigned indifference is NOT an aphrodisiac. If you desire someone, show it as you will get back ten times what you put out.

7. Casual sex is an oxymoron. Sex is the most powerful energy on the planet with clear emotional and chemical impact, so choose your partners with discrimination. You don't want psychic garbage clogging up your system.

8. Likewise, sex without love is SOUL-DEADENING. We are meant to connect deeply in the sex act and when the heart is closed, you short-circuit and distort your energy.

9. Women are looking for their inner male animus in the partner, while men are trying to access their inner female, their anima through their mate. With same sex couples, the same applies. Whoever is playing the male is seeking the female in the other and vice versa.

10. Despite the oftentimes push-pull of even the most dysfunctional relationship, both people choose the relationship.

There about 5 more incredibly insightful and helpful tips from this fascinating expert...who is Patrice Kamins... an astrological consultant, creator of a wonderful site called interventionista.com...and my guest tomorrow on my drivetime radio show BE HAPPY DAMMIT, from 8am to 9am EST on Sirius, at Lime 114.

As a radio host it's interesting to have people on one day from the science community ...and an astrologer on the next day.

What's also intriguing for me is to explore topics I'm not necessarily "sold on" from the get-go. I'll confess now...and I'll confess on air...I'm not a big follower in astrology.

AND YET...I lovelovelove Patrice's relationship tips above ....which she continues on her interventionista.com site.

I look forward to discussing how and why astrology can help folks lead a happier life. And in particular I also look forward to exploring how her very wise relationship tips above are inspired and informed by her work with astrology!

Is it ethical to use genetic technologies to improve a human being's beauty, athletics, IQ, memory, mathematical ability...etc, etc?

In the late 1970s, molecular biologists became capable of splicing and sequencing genes - and thereby developed the power to alter life!

How should this tremendous power be used?

Tomorrow two reknowned biology experts will be guests on my Sirius daily drivetime show BE HAPPY DAMMIT -- talking with me about four bioethical topics that have received substantial public attention and debate lately.

Firstly, the ethics of research with embryonic stem cells... and what constitutes a human being? Is an embryo a human being? Is it ethical to use genetic technologies to improve a human being's beauty, athletics, IQ, memory, mathematical ability...etc, etc? What, if anything, is wrong with genetic enhancements? Is there a conflict between the benefits for an individual and the harms for society in general?

Secondly, we'll be talking about how scarce medical technologies should be allocated. When pandemic influenza strikes, there will be a shortage of vaccines as well as ICU beds and respirators. If we only have a limited supply of influenza vaccines who should receive first priority? Those at risk of dying? Women and children? Those most economically productive? What ethical principle(s) should determine who gets a vaccine and who doesn’t? This same issue confronts us when we try to distribute livers or hearts for transplantation.

Thirdly, we'll address how the US is conducting biomedical research in developing countries. Is it ethical to do a study of an HIV vaccine in Africa? Or is such a study exploitation of poor Africans for the benefit of rich Americans? What conditions or requirements would make such a study ethical? How can we ensure we do not exploit the citizens of poor nations in conducting biomedical research?

Fourthly, we'll talk about health care reform. Polls say that Americans consider the #1 domestic issue health care reform. The three leading Democratic presidential candidates have offered health care reform plans. When Mitt Romney was governor of Massachusetts he enacted a health care reform plan. What should the goals of a reform be? What are the options for reforming the American health care system? Is the Massachusetts plan best? What about single payer? Or what about vouchers?

Needless to say, I'm excited and curious to talk about all of the above.

My two experts are Ezekiel J. Emanuel (the Chair of the Department of Bioethics at The Clinical Center of the National Institutes of Health) and Dr. Michelle McMurry (a Robert Wood Johnson Health and Society Scholar at UC Berkeley and San Francisco who's work has focused on the intersection of biomedical research funding policies and healthcare disparities and global health inequities.)

I thank the Aspen Institute for bringing me these two experts -- who come to me from their famed Socrates Seminars Series -- conversations led by moderators like these two guests -- who provide compelling conversation in a beautiful Aspen setting amongst interesting professionals from around the globe.

Indeed, I respect the Aspen Institute so much, I'm now creating a regular series on my Sirius show with conversations and topics inspired by Socrates Seminars past and future!

So if you're intrigued about the science versus ethics debate, tune in tomorrow morning, on Sirius at Lime 114, 8am EST to 9am EST - with a replay 8pm EST to 9pm EST.

How Is Your Friendship Life?

Only 30% of employees report having a best friend at work!

People with at least 3 close work friends were 46% more likely to be extremely satisfied with their job -- and 88% more likely to be satisfied with their lives!

Employee satisfaction jumps by almost 50% when employees describe having close work friends - and doubles the chance workers will have a favorable view of their pay.

Being around a boss was generally considered the least-pleasant part of the work-day. But, employees who were good friends with their bosses were more than TWICE as likely to be happy with their work.

What's interesting is that many companies actually discourage workplace friendships. Specifically, nearly one-third of the 80,000 managers and leaders interviewed by Gallup agreed with the statement that "familiarity breeds contempt."

But according to Rath companies which discourage workplace friendship are actually harming themselves.

"When we asked people if they would rather have a best friend at work or a 10% pay raise, having a friend clearly won," says Rath. "Friendships are among the most fundamental of human needs."

With this in mind, Rath encourages people to recognize there are eight important roles friends can play at work, and to try to keep a Diversified Friendship Portfolio from each of the 8 categories, which include...

• Builder (motivator)

• Champion (sing your praises)

• Collaborator (has similar interests, passions)

• Companion (always there for you)

• Connector (introduces you to others, widens your circle)

• Energizer (always gives you a boost, makes you laugh)

• Mind opener (expand your horizons, embrace new ideas)

• Navigator (helps you make decisions)

If you're interested in developing stronger friendships, you should not only seek out people from all the above 8 categories, but become more aware of how you can offer up a little of each of these 8 categories to all the people in your life.

A friend is someone who stabs you in the front!

Psssst...want to know a big secret for happiness?

Start having less secrets!

The more truthful you become with others about who you really are - and what you need and fear -- the happier you will become!

Laurie Gerber, a coach with the Handel Group, talked with me about how to truth your way to happiness on my Sirius show last week. She explained it like this: "If right now you are not telling someone the truth about a particular something, and you think you're being dishonest to spare their feelings, chances are you're being dishonest with yourself! Most people would rather know the truth. Most people would rather know they have spinach in their teeth - or the equivalent thereof in their life! The real meanness is in not being honest with people."

So, what are people honestly afraid of when they're afraid of speaking truthfully?

TRUE INTIMACY!

When you have gut honest conversations with people, you will always increase your intimacy with them. Sure you risk vulnerability -- but you also gain the opportunity for a closer bond!

"Being fake is not only exhausting behavior to keep up," says Laurie Gerber, "being fake is also lonely. It means nobody will ever get to know the real you!"

Another perk to truth-speaking: When you hear your truth out loud about your own secret behaviors, you wind up wanting to work harder to correct these behaviors which you're not proud of in your life!

Here are some pointers from Laurie Gerber on how to start speaking the truth more today:


1. If you're planning to tell someone the truth about how you feel about their behaviors, start with the premise that your POV is relative. Your truth about them is not necessarily THE truth.

2. If you're planning to open up about a secret part of your life, ask yourself why you've been hiding what you've been hiding. Write about this in a journal freely. It might help you to talk more honestly, if you've had a gut honest conversation with yourself first.

3. In either situation #1 or #2, when you go to have the gut truthful conversation, make sure enough time and full attention has been set aside. Set the context. Before you start blurting, tell the person up front that you want to share your experience or perception of something with them -- to bounce it around and hear their perspective. Tell them that you care about your relationship -- and that's why you are committed to speaking truthfully with them. For example you can say: "I am sorry I have not communicated this until now -- but I want to tell you how I feel about (fill in the blank)." Or.. "When I did (fill in the blank) or you did (fill in the blank) what it meant to me was (fill in the blank)." Or... "I have been hiding from asking you about (fill in the blank) -- or telling you the truth about (fill in the blank) because I am afraid if I bring it up you will think/feel (fill in the blank)."


Now go forth and be truthful today. You'll literally feel very happy that you did!

(You can hear A FREE PODCAST of my conversation with Laurie Gerber on BE HAPPY DAMMIT by clicking here!)

Want to convince people to do and believe in whatever you want?

The above sounds good, huh?

But I got one better.

How would you like to convince triple the people to do and believe in whatever you want?

Brian Clark, creator of copyblogger.com, calls this the difference between being persuasive (good) and being truly influential (very, very, very good).

Brian obviously knows about being influential, because his blog is one of the top 40 in the world, according to Technorati.

Brian shared his tips on becoming a more influential blogger on my morning Sirius show BE HAPPY DAMMIT. I found what he said so spot-on, I wanted to share it in this forum, as well.

Below are my Karenesque speedy cliffnotes from Brian Clark. For the whole enchillado, definitely visit him at copyblogger.com.

QUICKY CLIFFNOTES FROM COPYBLOGGER.COM ON HOW TO CONVINCE TRIPLE THE PEOPLE TO DO AND BELIEVE IN WHATEVER YOU WANT:

1. Repetition

Brian warns that there’s both a good and evil side to repetition. To stay on the side of good, make your point in several ways. For example -- use an example. Or offer up a quote from a famous person. And repeat again in your grand finale summary.

2. Reasons Why

Brian reminds how we humans don’t like to be told things or asked to take action without a reasonable explanation.

3. Consistency

Brian reminds consistency implies high integrity. The lack of it infers instability and flightiness. So get your reader to agree with you up front about something simple, then keep making a strong and varied case.

4. Social Proof

Humans love to witness as many others hopping on the bandwagon before they go a-hopping. Hence testimonials and outside referrals work.

5. Comparisons

Metaphors, similes and analogies are according to Brian the influential blogger’s best friends.

6. Agitate and Solve

First, identify the problem. Then agitate the reader’s pain before offering your solution. Brian explains this is not about being sadistic - but empathic. Let the reader know you “get” them.

7. Prognosticate

Offer your reader a glimpse into their new, improved future if they go bandwagon a-hopping with you.

8. Go Tribal

Give someone a chance to be a part of a “cool” group — be that wealthy, hip, green, or even contrarian—and they’ll go bandwagon a-hopping!

9. Address Objections

Brian admits addressing every objection is tough. But your biggest arguments should be obvious. He also warns that if you think there are no objections, you’re in for a shock if your blog’s comments enabled.

10. Storytelling

Stories allow people to persuade themselves -- and that’s what it’s really all about.

Kids Shock MTV Researchers With The Bizarre Things Which Make them Happy! (For Example, Parents Are Actually Cool!)

MTV hired Andy Hines of Social Technologies to research what makes US youth (age 12–24) happy.

Last week I interviewed Andy on my daily drivetime Sirius show BE HAPPY DAMMIT, and Andy admitted he was shocked by some of what was revealed.

In particular Andy predicted today's MTV generation would be more annoyed with their “helicopter parents” than they actually wound up being.

Here are some of his surprising stats:

78% of today's kids say that talking with family members made them feel frequently or occasionally happier.

73% of kids say that their relationship with their parents makes them happy.

80% of those who say they are “very happy” with their parents say they are also happier with life in general.

Nearly half of the respondents say at least one of their parents is a hero.

73% say that their parents are involved in their lives about the right amount.

Shocking, huh -- how today's youth -- who seem so overly concerned with being cool -- and also seem like cynicism is uber-cool -- would then fess up how spending time with family is a cool thing to do...!

"Hardly the stuff of rebels!" admits Andy.

Indeed, kids today seem to adore their parents so much, they also fess up to looking forward to getting married - and are even optimistic about marriage.

90% say they think it is likely that they will be married to the same person their whole life.

85% say they believe getting married will make them happy.

Other than family, Hines says the 3 other big happiness boosters were friendship, faith, and technology.

Which brings me to another surprising stat: kids "chill out" differently than adults.

I fess up that I find it relaxing to turn off my damn cellphone for a few hours.

Not so with kids.

For them a popular definition of "unhappiness" is "being without technology" -- with 46% of today's kids saying that they NEVER turn off their cell phone when they choose to chill out -- that would only stress them out MORE.

For more on this research study listen to the interview on my posted podcast.

Want to make a special tween in your life happy? Check out my tween empowerment book, GIRL WONDERS.

Girl talk vs Guy Talk! Is there a Difference?

Psssst... Wanna know who gossips more – girls or guys?

According to a recent research study of cellphone users (performed by the Social Issues Research Centre) men are the bigger gossipers!

Yes…spread the word!

33 % of men confessed to gossip every day - or almost every day -- compared with a lesser 26 % of women.

For the record, the study defined gossip as "chatty talk among friends" and "the process of informally communicating value-laden information about members of a social setting."

Yup – that counts as gossip to me!

And for those of you who stubbornly can't believers that guys love to dish as much - if not more than - the ladies – there were also 3 other recent studies – one at the University of Virginia, one at Northeastern University in Boston, and one at University of Wisconsin – which all confirmed gossip is pretty much a gender-neutral urge!

So here’s more gossip about gossip:

1. 2/3 rds of all cell conversations were reported to be a form of gossip – everything from who is doing what with whom; who is 'in' and who is 'out' and why; how to deal with difficult social situations; problems with lovers, family, friends, colleagues and neighbors.

2. Women were more likely than men to gossip mainly with family and girlfriends.

3. Men dished mostly with work colleagues, their spouse/partner, or female friends.

4. Men revealed they found it easier to gossip with women than men.

5. Male and female gossip has been shown to sound different. Women use more animated tones, more detail and prefer more interactive feedback.

6. Only about 5% of gossip-time is devoted to criticism.

7. Another 5 % is devoted to asking for or giving advice on difficult personal social situations.

8. The other 90% of gossip is focused on 'who is doing what with whom'

9. In daily conversation, males only discussed high-brow' important' subjects (aka: politics, work, art, academic matters, etc.) only 0-5 % of the time. However, when women were present,this number upped to 15-20%! Researchers proposed men went more
high-brow around the ladies to impress the ladies!

9. Men spent more time talking about themselves – with 2/3rds of talk being about themselves and their own affairs. Meanwhile women talked about themselves only 1/3rd of the time!

Why do we gossip?

According to psychologist Robin Dunbar we’re evolutionary hard- wired for it. Gossip is the human equivalent of the 'social grooming' seen among our primate cousins -- where they pick out nits and twigs from each other’s fur, to bond and feel close.

Hmmm…. think about that phrase “to keep in touch”! It sorta sounds like the definition of animals' Nit-n-Twig Plucking, doesn’t it?

Here’s another theory on gossip. According to psychologist Geoffrey Miller, gossip evolved as a helpful courtship device – as the human equivalent of a peacock tail. Basically, gossip is what we humans use to compete for and attract sexual partners, because it’s how we 'advertise' or 'self-promote' our social status, values, and intelligence. Gossip is our Great Do I Bond Or Not Bond Determinator! It's what reveals which behaviors you and other people find acceptable -- or unacceptable -- and thereby if you find your gossiper or gossipee acceptable or unacceptable for further socialization purposes!

With this in mind, if you want to become a far more popular member of any group (aka your office, an organization, a local community) just start to listen more carefully to this group’s critical gossip. You’ll quickly discover people’s boundaries and rules -- and thereby know what to do -- or not do -- to make sure you're a welcomed member of this group!

And gossip has even been shown to improve health! Just as ‘social grooming’ between primates stimulates endorphins, making animals more relaxed – the 'vocal grooming' we call gossip also been researched to relax humans, and lower blood pressure.

It’s sort of funny when you think about the odd evolution of gossip since its stone age origins.

In the last few decades, with modern, busy urban life the way it is, scattering families and friends, and busying people up with far too much to do, there’s been a veritable epidemic of social isolation – with little time to indulge in this vocal-grooming called gossip.

Sure, for a while we had the the cosiness of gossip over the garden fence. As well as those satisfying quickie hits of 'Hello, nice day isn't it?' as we passed our friends and family in the local village.

But as modern world speeded us up and separated us apart, for a long while even those simple and comforting friendly 'Hello, nice day isn't it?' had fallen by the way side.

Now…enter the space-age technology of mobile cellphones… and finally we’re back once again to enjoying our daily “vocal- grooming” patterns -- with the same ease and frequency of “constant touch” not shared together since stone-age times!

Thank you, modern cell phone, for helping to scratch our stone age itch once again!

can you raed tihs? i cdnolt blveiee taht i cluod auclaclty uesdntnrd waht i was rdanieg.

the pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. the rset cn be a taotl mses and you can siltl raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and i awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!if yuo can raed tihs psas tihs bolg on.

The above is from a terrific book I am reading by Madeleine L. Van Hecke, PhD. called BLIND SPOTS:WHY SMART PEOPLE DO DUMB THINGS.

Dr. Van Hecke explains that for the very same reasons you can read this gobbly-gook above -- you are also destined to do dumb things sometimes.

Basically...as an adult your brain is now filled up with lots of beliefs on how things should be -- in the same way you have a sense of how words should be. The problem: some of your beliefs are totally incorrect -- or very much correct -- but stubbornly single-minded.

As a result, when you look at an event, problem, new person, you will often fill in the open gaps of missing info with just plain dumb conclusions.

You know when you say: "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" Or..."HOW DUMB OF ME?!"

Those were all because you were diong waht the tset abvoe shwoed you hvea a tnendnecy to do -- flling in blnkas wthi wrnog infrmomatoin!

"Blind spots" are why bank robbers have been known to write stick-up notes on the back of their very own check-book receipts. Or... why you might initially think "Chateaubriand" is a new wine -- or yell at someone in public for their demeaning behavior -- thus doing the very behavior you're trying to correct.

The good news: Dr. Van Hecke argues that you're not actually always stupid when you do or think stupid things -- you're just experiencing a "blind spot" moment -- due to your projected thinking getting in the damn way.

Luckily, there are specific techniques to increase your range of vision -- beginning with developing stronger BEGINNER'S MIND.

In Buddhism "BEGINNERS MIND" is described as the pure lens with which someone who is absolutely new to a situation can see the world -- with full clarity.

There's a famous Buddhist quote: "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilties. In the expert's mind there are few."

Children unwittingly have BEGINNER'S MIND -- hence why kids are often smarter than adults at problem-solving puzzles.

If you'd like to learn a dozen helpful specific techniques to aid you having less "blind spot" moments -- please join me and the good doctor on my Sirius radio show BE HAPPY DAMMIT on August 20th, 8am to 9am EST - on Lime 114.

Feel free to call in to confess your most silly "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" moments -- and get advice from Dr. Van Hecke on curing your particular blind spots.

If yuo dnto wnat to lsiten thtsa oaky. Jsut konw bilnd sopts mghit stirke wehn laest epxecetd!

A DEEP, PHILOSOPHICAL LOVE LESSON TO BE LEARNED FROM BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE!

Coming up this Monday morning, June 25th, on my Sirius Radio Show BE HAPPY DAMMIT, I will be talking with Joey Bartolomeo, an US MAGAZINE scribe, about deep, celebrity love lessons we can learn from our favorite celeb couples.

For example...

There's been a ton of press lately about Brad and Angie's relationship being in trouble because the couple is spending so much time apart.

BUT... I believe the media pegging Brad and Angelina with one name "Bradgelina" was far more of a RED FLAG than the fact the two can now be pegged with two names once again.

In a healthy couplehood each member needs to have their own individualistic identity ...with their own purpose, meaning, and passions. Healthy, happy couples need to spend some time apart ...so they can re-charge and re-appreciate each other.

Indeed, rather than their infamous mono-identity name "Bradgelina" being a sign of adorable "romantic courting"... I view it more as potentially "courting disaster."

Plus, Brad and Angie are still relatively new to having "so many kids, so many movie deals."

They're presently simply choosing to prioritize having at least one parent with kids at all times ... rather than two parents together canoodling -- while a nanny caretakes the kids.

The good news for Brad and Angelina: They're not "Nanny-a-holics." They adopted kids - and had a kid - clearly because they adore kids -- and take parenting very seriously.

I also believe that just as a couple goes through that "uber-commingling" time called "the honeymoon period"... so also do new parents. This time period in which Brad and Angelina are "uber-commingling with their kids" is in a way their "honeymoon parenting phase."

My guess: The two simply need to work it so their work schedules are more "geographically desirable" for each other.

What are YOUR thoughts? Have a Deep Celeb Love Lesson opinion to share on a particular dynamic duo? Call me and Joey Bartolomeo, an US MAGAZINE scribe, LIVE Monday morning at the studio at 866 LIME 114!

ARE YOU HOLDING A WINNING HAND OF CARDS...OR A LOSING HAND OF CARDS?

You know that old aphorism: "It's WHO you know."

FALSE!

Extreme success is NOT about who you know!

It's about how INTIMATELY you know them!

A pile of business cards will do nothing for your career -
unless you know how to really connect with people in an authentic way which leads to growth for your business!

On June 29th at 8am - 9am, EST, Keith Ferrazzi, best selling author of the famed networking bible, NEVER EAT ALONE, will be offering you the opportunity to get his one-on-one relationship-building advice - LIVE - on my Sirius radio show, Be Happy Dammit.

Yes I'm opening up the phonelines to you - so you can talk with Keith Ferrazzi - one of the top business coaches and consultants in the world.

Just call my studio at 866 LIME 114 between 8am and 9am EST on June 29th - and Keith Ferrazzi will be taking your questions and giving you tailored advice on how to deepen your business relationships to achieve greater success!

Some business myths we'll be discussing - and debunking:

TRUE OR FALSE?

Relying on other people means you're weak.

FALSE!

Rugged individualism doesn't work in the business world! If you want to truly excel, you cannot do it alone.

TRUE OR FALSE?

It's good to be vulnerable in business - wear your heart on your business shirt sleeve.

TRUE!

It's ESSENTIAL to open up and be vulnerable around people – so you can truly connect and create a deeper business bond.

You may wonder: "Hey, what about the subsequent risk of people hurting me?"

Keith and I have different views on this - and I'm sure you do, too!

So listen in - and CALL in at 866 LIME 114!

TRUE OR FALSE?

If you're generous with others in business, helping everyone in their careers, they will walk all over you.

FALSE!

If you want to be successful, try making others successful!

Disagree? Call us and tell us why at 866 LIME 114.

REMEMBER: On June 29th DON'T EAT BREAKFAST ALONE! Join NEVER EAT ALONE author Keith Ferrazzi in an eye-opening, career-morphing discussion - and learn effective techniques which will absolutely help you reach your career goals sooner!

DATE: JUNE 29TH

TIME: 8AM - 9AM EST - that's East Coast time!

PLACE: Be Happy Dammit Sirius radio, on Lime Channel 114

STUDIO#: 866 LIME 114

WRITE IN YOUR CALENDARS TODAY!

WARNING: Obstacles to joy appear larger than they truly are during crisis!

ANNOUNCING A NEW SEMINAR!

THE BOUNCE BACK SEMINAR!

Monday, June 18th at 7pm at THE SOHO HOUSE in NYC!

A bad breakup. A serious illness. The loss of a job. The death of a parent. Life has a habit of throwing people curveballs.

To which I say: "When life throws you curveballs, hit them out of the park!"

My newest Bounce Back Seminar is jampacked with an inspiring collection of top resilience tips from happiness research, psychological studies, Greek philosophy, nutrition and exercise experts, and more!

So if you're presently trying to overcome a challenge - absolutely come to my inspiring Bounce Back Seminar -- and learn all the latest research tips on how to bounce back happier, stronger, better than ever before!

WHEN: June 18th at 7pm

WHERE: The Soho House, 9th Ave. between 13th and 14th St.

FEE: $35.00 by paypal at my site $45.00 at the door

BONUS: 1 FREE WEEK AT YOGAWORKS, FIZZY LIZZIE BEVERAGE, CHOCOLATE FRETZELS (yum, yum!), SEPHORA FREEBIES,2 BELLES LINGERIE, and PERVARTISTRY GAMES!

PLUS A RAFFLE: Win all kinds of goodies like a FREE TRAINING SESSION with my amazing personal trainer, Josh Margolis, who owns/runs NYC'S acclaimed MIND OVER MATTER (Pssst...if you're looking for a trainer...Joshua Margolis is fab! He's got a Bachelors Degree in Sports Psychology. He holds certifications from A.C.E., A.I.F.E., and N.A.S.M, and is also prenatal and postpartum fitness certified. Joshua has been working in the health and fitness arena for over 5 years designing personalized fitness programs which incorporate motivational techniques to enhance performance. His fitness philosophy: "Your self image and habits go hand in hand; change one and you will automatically change the other.")

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I think of "marital affairs" as "unfairs"! Not everyone does. Do YOU?

Have you ever stolen a kiss from another person's spouse?

Or have kisses stolen from you?

What about experiencing an entire sexual/emotional marital break and entry?

On Monday I had an interesting panel of award-winning female authors on my Sirius radio show, BE HAPPY DAMMIT (on Lime 114), brought to me by my "Book Booker," Ron Hogan.

Some were "the other woman."

Some were "the other woman-ee."

All were featured authors in VICTORIA ZACKHEIM's new anthology:"The Other Woman: Twenty-one Wives, Lovers, and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love, and Betrayal."

The first segment featured KATHLEEN ARCHAMBEAU and CAROLINE LEAVITT, the wives of the cheating partners, who openly, bravely expressed their process of healing and dealing.

The second segment featured an even more brave lot -- SUSAN MONTEZ and LYNN FREED -- who candidly spoke about being the mistress.

Frankly it was surprising how frankly they spoke - and fascinating.

I learned one interesting "relationship tidbit" -- ironically from one of the mistresses, Lynn Freed.

Lynn was talking about a chat she once had with her girlfriends -- about what she most looked for in a man.

No, it wasn't that they come with a wife!

Lynn said she adored a man who's repeated mantra was: "Leave it to me!"

I agree.

Even though I am strong, productive, self-reliant -- hell, I totally love a man who makes me feel safe and taken care of.

"Leave it to me!" -- those are indeed aphrodisiacal words!

I'm happy to say my man says those words to me often - which is why I won't be leaving him any time soon!

So if you're a man reading this blog, be aware: Women love to hear those words! Say them often!

If you're a woman reading this blog, be aware: Those words are good to look for in a partner!

I brought this all up with my beau, and we had an interesting conversation about the appeal of this "Leave It To Me Character Value." You might want to try this with your partner, too!

On my show I promised listeners I'd offer up a link to an old piece I wrote a year ago about "HOW TO SPOT A TWO-TIMER!" If you're feeling romance angst, check it out!

Also...a few months ago I had the fascinating SUSAN SHAPIRO BARASH on my radio show (the best selling author of "A Passion for More: wives reveal the affairs that make or break their marriage") and she shared some scary marital affair statistics.

Did you know:

*Over 60% of all women will engage in an extra marital affair at some point in their marriage

*70% say that their lover is the opposite of their husband

*90% of the women have no guilt, rather they feel entitled to the affair

All I can say about the above: Yikes!

I'm a big believer that ALL affairs are unfairs!

What about YOU?

That's the first time I've done THAT in a hotel room!

Today I did my LIVE Sirius radio show of BE HAPPY DAMMIT from my hotel room here in Atlanta, where I spoke last night to a jampacked auditorium of 3,500 designers, at the fabulous HOW DESIGN CONFERENCE.

This was the first time I got to do my radio show in a bathrobe in a hotel room - and I not only liked it, but it was ultra-appropriate, since today's radio show was a LOVE SEX LOVE theme!

As for my keynote seminar last night...it was based on my career book, BALLSY -- WAYS TO SCORE EXTREME SUCCESS -- the sequel to my big best seller HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT A PENIS, in which I say: "A woman doesn't need a penis to succeed. Just balls."

I also say there's "bad ballsy" and "good ballsy."

Although you might not need a penis to succeed -- you should not try doing it without a heart and brain.

Make sure while you're being ballsy, you're also being warm hearted, wise, polite, reasonable.

Unfortunately there are still many women who think that to succeed in business they have to imitate men -- and imitate stupid, obnoxious men. Not true. I believe a woman doesn't have to make a choice:

1. feminine

or

2. successful

PICK ONE ONLY.

You can be both.

In fact, I consider myself a "feminine-ist." I'm strong, but enjoy being all the things that make me a woman.

But I digress...

BALLSY is a book and a seminar for both men and women...which affirms that you don't need to work longer hours to succeed - just ballsier hours.

Some of its time-after-time tested techniques include:

Mom was wrong. It's okay to talk to strangers. The more people you know the luckier you will be.

Network often -- but view it as "netplaying"! Focus on having fun - rather than extracting.

Cold-call at hot times -- early morning, or after hours, when gatekeepers might not be around, and high work ethic bosses pick up their own phones!

Make sure you create your own "career pick up line" -- that one-to-two-liner which grabs and persuades. The more "remakable" you are - the more "marketable" you are.

Plus, make sure your "career pick up line" has what I call an "extrinsic" not "intrinsic" benefit!

Not only is self-branding important, but so is knowing how to find the right niche and target audience.

With this in mind, always find out what the very best chocolate is -- then get your unique peanut butter on the very best chocolate.

very best chocolate = proven money making opportunities + unmet needs

For me...

very best chocolate = billion dollar self-help book industry

my unique peanut butter = my highly-graphic and edgy-voiced self-help books for lazy, busy, smart people

Also key: Avoid places where there are too many people trying to get their peanut butter on the same exact chocolate. Make sure you find the VERY best chocolate with the hungriest target audience -- and make sure you have really unique peanut butter.

Basically:BE OF SERVICE! QUELL FEARS! SOLVE PROBLEMS! TALK TO THE IGNORED!

I encouraged the HOW designers to go out there and be ballsy -- but always the GOOD ballsy -- to use their new ballsy powers, for good, not evil.

When I returned to my room after dinner, one attendee had done a GOOD ballsy maneuver.

Inspired by my "chocolate/peanutbutter metaphor" she dropped off a Reese's Peanutbutter Package for me in my room -- with a well written, funny note.

I'd like to reward her for her GOOD ballsy maneuver, by telling you her name is Sally Shephard - and she's an out of the box designer/thinker with a cool site! Check it out!

And today keep in mind the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: "Every day do one thing which scares you!"

Do at least one GOOD ballsy thing today -- and feel free to write me about it here on my blog!

THE LAWS OF BUSINESS ATTRACTION

In business, I believe the more people you know, the luckier you will be.

For this reason, it’s important to regularly go to conferences, join organizations, be active in various sports, go to parties.

The biggest job breaks often get started outside the office.

And because I want to make sure you get it right when you meet Mr. or Ms. Huge Business Opportunity, I asked my friend Gretchen Rubin, who's the creator of the happiness-project.com, to share with me on my Sirius/Lime radio show her top tips on making a good first impression. Here are the cliff notes on what she told me:

Studies show people tend to give more weight to what happens at the start of a conversation -- than to later information shared. So be your most charming at the onset. Use your best material first!

Focus on positive commentary. Keep in mind Neural Linguistic studies show that the adjectives you use in conversation often get subconsciously associated with you. So if you describe someone else as “brilliant, warm, generous,” your listener will associate you with these same qualities.

If standing, keep your body fully facing the other person. If possible, face your heart zone opposite their heart zone. Turning partly away shows a lack of commitment to the conversation.

Avoid “eye stray.”

Quickly seek out common experiences or shared interests.

Don’t just ask questions -- follow up on people’s remarks

Focus on opinions and feelings -- not just facts.

Don’t be single-word minded. Avoid questions which can be answered with a single word. Don’t answer with a single word.

Avoid conversation interruptus. Let people finish their thoughts.

Sprinkle your conversation with revealed vulnerabilities.

Put energy in your voice and animation in your expression.

People are especially attracted to people who smile a lot. So flash those pearly whites.

Fran Leibowitz joked, “The opposite of talking isn’t listening. It’s waiting.” Prove Fran wrong. Actively listen. Remember: it’s more important to be interested - than interesting.

Quick: Why do you want to make lots of money?

Your most-likely answer: to be happy, dammit!

But does more money really lead to more happiness?

"Standard of living has increased dramatically and happiness has increased not at all, and in some cases has diminished slightly," says Professor Daniel Kahneman of the University of Princeton.

Interestingly... Bhutan, a remote Himalayan kingdom, has consistently remained one of the happier places in our world – even though it is not close to being one of the richest.

Their secret?

Their government creates policies based on Gross National Happiness.

This includes:

1.Banning advertising – because the science of happiness shows advertising is a major cause of unhappiness – creating envy by making people feel “less well-off.”

2.Pushing for more exercise and healthier eating. In fact the Bhutan government actually discourages junk food – along with cigarettes and alcohol – recognizing the healthier the body, the happier the mind!

The idea that politics should be about creating "the greatest happiness of the greatest number" is actually not new. It goes back to Jeremy Bentham, an 18th century philosopher, who tried to get politicians to create policies which upped citizen’s general happiness levels.

Recently Bentham’s ideas have been dusted off and revisited in Britain, where the Prime Minister's Strategy Unit held a "Life Satisfaction" seminar and considered the following concepts:

1.creating a happiness index

2.teaching people about happiness

3.encouraging more support for volunteering

4.creating a "more leisured work-life balance"

5.creating higher taxes for the rich – so there’d be less of a division between the very rich and very poor -- and thereby less envy and its accompanying depression affects.

Britain’s Richard Layard, author of HAPPINESS: LESSONS FOR A NEW SCIENCE, is also actively pushing the government to immediately employ another 10,000 therapists – so as to increase the happiness of citizens!

With all this in mind, I want you to stop overly-focusing on how much money you’re making, and re-focus on how much happiness you’re making!

MY BETTER THAN CASH IN THE BANK LIST OF THINGS TO CASH IN ON:

1.Avoid poison envy. Consistently studies show comparison kills happiness. Consciously re-focus on what you have. Try to end your day with "A 3 Blessings List" - recognizing three things which went well - and why!

2.Spend loving time with friends and family – for both more happiness and more health! Get this: Studies show friendship wards off germs! Just as stress triggers ill health, the greater your friendships, the greater the protective effect against ill health!

3. Live a life with meaning and purpose. How? Appreciate how what you do in your job, and contribute to your friends, family and community -- all matters! Look for new ways to give back to the people around you. Altruism is actually an act of self-interest. Studies consistently show that people who are involved with volunteerism are a happier group.

4.Keep trying to use your “signature strength” in new ways. It will increase your self esteem – which increases happiness. Plus you’ll be tapping into 3 other big happiness boosters: newness, challenge, consistent growth!

JUNE 7th at 7pm - BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND - MY "GUT" EXTREME SUCCESS SEMINAR - NOW AT A HOT NEW LOCATION - NYC'S BOUTIQUE HEALTH CLUB/SPA: CLAY

Want to score extreme success?

Then you MUST recognize your BLIND SPOTS - that thing you do - or don't do - which leads you to make those dreaded "WHAT WAS I THINKING?!" business blunders...like:

Hiring the wrong assistant

Taking the wrong job

Waiting too long to do a presentation

Presenting a report too soon

Trusting the wrong person

Saying yes instead of no to a bid

Saying no instead of yes to a suggested innovation

No matter who you are - a CEO - or the assistant to a CEO - your "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" business blunders were ALL caused by the exact same problem! You did not listen to your intuitive GUT warning you: "YO! PROCEDE WITH CAUTION!"

Learning how to hone in on this important power of your GUT will absolutely increase your decision making abilities - and thereby help you to increase your success level to EXTREME SUCCESS!

Nowawadays it's more important than ever to trust your intuitive gut – because the world has speeded up. You have 4 enemies conspiring against you: TICK TOCK TICK TOCK. Learning how to be best trust your gut will help you make wiser/quicker decisions!

SO COME JOIN ME JUNE 7th at 7pm -- AND LEARN THE LATEST RESEARCH AND TECHNIQUES ON YOUR INTUITIVE GUT -- SO YOU CAN ENSURE YOU SCORE THE EXTREME SUCCESS YOU DESIRE AND DESERVE!

Where: The gorgeous CLAY SPA AND HEALTH CLUB

25 West 14th Street in NYC

Fee: $35.00

BONUS: 2 FREE TRIAL WEEKS AT CLAY IF YOU RSVP ASAP!

THE BONUS TO THIS BONUS: One of my intuitive GUT strengthening tips is to get you to RELAX, DAMMIT! And CLAY will help you relax a lot - through its cutting-edge fun exercise programs and massages!

Find out more about my best selling book GUT:HOW TO THINK FROM YOUR MIDDLE TO GET TO THE TOP by clicking here.

RSVP ASAP by clicking here.

career leap

1. NEVER wear your heart on your business shirt sleeve. Know: anything said "in private" can easily be taken public. In fact, backstabbers often try to gather personal secrets and controversial professional views -- so as to stock up undermining ammo. Saying less will protect you more.

2. If your firm is undergoing big changes, keep an extra look-out in your rearview mirror. Desperation brings out latent backstabbing tendencies. A normally kind colleague might suddenly bend over backstabbing-wards, so as to hold onto their job or receive necessary resources.

3. Those who walk softly and confidently, can still carry a big knife. Translation: Supervisors can backstab as frequently as colleagues. Be on the alert: your boss might be kissing up the ladder while attacking you down below.

4. Don't remove yourself from the grapevine. Become a fellow grape. If the backstabber knows you keep your ears and eyes open to office politics, they may think twice before stabbing you.

5. Good deeds can actually help you go un-punished. If you become known for doing favors for people, you’ll add to “Your Political Capital” -- plus, create a more positive place to work.

6. Love thy neighbor -- and try to pick thy neighborhood. Okay, admittedly, you can’t always pick who you work with -- but whenever possible, try to surround yourself with the people you most trust.

7. Make sure you have friends not ONLY in HIGH places. Don’t just work to create good relationships with your boss and colleagues, but also with secretaries, assistants -- even janitors. You never know who knows -- and says -- what.

8. If stabbed, quickly bring the offending “knife” to the backstabber -- and get them to fess up. Say something like: "If you have a problem with me, let’s resolve it now, because we need to work together in a healthy way to create the most productive work environment. So together let’s figure out how to ensure this problem doesn’t repeat itself.” If the backstabber is your boss, demand you create “clarification procedures” for fixing the problem that are put on record somewhere. If the backstabber is a colleague, not only confront the offender, but request a private meeting with your boss -- and show them the offending “knife evidence” in a calm, rational way. Ask your boss for advice on how to become a member of “The Backstabbed Protection Program,” so as to get your boss involved in putting your complaint on record.

In summary: If you’ve been backstabbed, know that a combo of “the bright light of clarity” along with “the spotlight of public record” can help melt most knives.

Planning an unusual blind date: meeting your paramour’s kids for that very (scary!) first time...

Confession: At first I was unsure about my decision to date my now (amazing!) longterm boyfriend - G. we will call him – to protect his identity.

Although, G might as well be short for Gee Why Did I Ever Hesitate?

Actually – Gee Come To Think of It -- One Of Those Reasons Was That I Wasn’t Sure About Dating Someone Who Came with A Child.

As it turns out, the old me (who I guess was actually the “younger” me!) was being an idiot.

Because the new me (who I guess is actually the “older” me!) is loving dating a man who comes with a kid.

Indeed, dating G is like getting one fabulous love (G The Man) – then getting another fabulous love free (S The Daughter -- or I guess that would be “s” not “S” -- because "s" is a totally adorable little 7 year old sweetie pie!)

If any of you out there are hesitating to date someone simply because they have kids – I’m here to tell you -- expand your dating horizons and you will expand your heart with extra loving!

Being that I am a best selling self help book author, you can be sure G and I put a lot of thoughtful preparation into making sure G and I picked the right time and place for our first blind date intro to flow successfully. If you're dating a divorced person with children, below are some helpful psychology tips to keep in mind.

1. Wait until you’re exclusive and committed to make that initial intro. You don’t want to be constantly bombarding your child with a string of strumpets. (I love that word “strumpet”!)

2. Tell your child you want them to meet someone you personally feel is very special -- but don't tell your child how they MUST feel about this new person.

3. Prepare your child at least one week before the actual event – so they have time to process.

4. Check in with your child a few times during this week. Ask them how many of the following 5 main emotions they feel -- the Big Five that the terrific Morrie Shectman writes about: glad, sad, mad, hurt and afraid – and why.

5. Recognize your child might view your paramour as a threat to their own personal time with you – as being someone who is breaking and entering into your own Special Little Club. Even if your child doesn’t say it aloud, know they may wonder things like: "Will this new paramour go to the playground and talk to Dad -- and then Dad won't watch me play and play with me?" Take the lead. Reassure your child that you will still be there for them in all the usual ways.

6. If your child is particularly mad, sad, hurt and/or afraid, warmly explain how adults need time with other adults, just as children need time with other children. If you want, say something like: "You are the most important person in my life, but like you I need to spend time with people my own age. I know some kids don't like it when their parents date. How do you feel about this?”

7. Keep the first meet-up with everyone short – to under four hours

8. Don’t rely on the sheer force of conversation for the first meet-up. Plan a fun activity to do together.

9. You and your paramour should both go easy on the Public Displays of Adorableness. Avoid your usual kissing, touching and general loveydoveyism.

10. After this initial blind date meet-up everyone should check in with everyone about how everyone feels. Parent with child. And paramour with paramour. Oh...and both paramours should feel free to partake in using those same 5 basic feelings as fodder for conversation: mad, sad, glad, hurt and afraid – and be sure to include those accompanying why's.

BE HAPPY DAMMIT TIPS!

This has been a super fun week on my sirius show Be Happy Dammit at Lime 114.

Some highlights...

WEDNESDAY, MAY 16 TH 8:00
A GOOD WAY TO BE GOOD TO ANIMALS: GOODSEARCH.COM

JJ Ramberg talked with me about how she created a world-changing company called Goodsearch.com. Every time you use its search engine, Ramberg has it set up that various companies advertising on her site donate money to a variety of charitable organizations -- like the TV celebrity Cesar's famed Millan Foundation -- aka The Dog Whisperer Foundation. Stacey Candella, the head of this Foundation, talked about how much she appreciates all the good Goodsearch.com is doing to help animals in need - and why raising money is so important for her cause.


WEDNESDAY, MAY 16 TH 8:15
SECRETS TO LONGLASTING AND LUSTING LOVE

Jonathan Fields talked with me about the Love Lab -- Dr. John Gottman's research laboratory which has found a way to predict divorce 10 years out -- with 94% accuracy -- based on a mere 15-minute observation of couples. Plus we talked about that magic 5 to 1 ratio which happy couples have -- where there are 5 nice moments to every nasty moment. Similarly. in the workplace, teams with 3/1 postive/negative interactions are significantly more productive. However, interestingly, when the ratio goes up to 13 nice to 1 nasty moment the productivity starts to erode – most likely because it starts to feel like false positivity which leads to a patronizing feeling.


THURSDAY, MAY 17TH, 8:00 - 8:30
THE # 1 SECRET FUEL FOR SUCCESS: PASSION


Daniel Schutzsmith is often called "an evangelist for creative people" -- because he has a business which helps inspire creative people to pursue their passions -- by guiding them with a wise strategy and productive process. He's famous for his "Creative Business Bootcamp", and talked with me about what it's like to give seminars at the CRE8 Conference set in -- of all places -- Disney World! And...Daniel and I will both be speaking at the same conference in June - THE HOW DESIGN CONFERENCE. So if you're interested in learning more about the business of creativity sign up for that conference ASAP -- in Hotlanta...um...er I mean Atlanta!If you do sign up let me know and I'd love to meet you for a drink at barside!


FRIDAY, MAY 18TH, 8:30-9:00
LOVE IN THE PRESENT TENSE:How To Have A High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage

Morrie Shechtman literally wrote the book on how to do this. Actually, that is the title of his latest book -- which I loved and we talked about. Some of his provocative ideas included: How Smart Women Become Dumb When They Get Married; Why Most Couples Settle For Mediocrity In Their Relationships; If You Never Fight, You Lost Interest A Long Time Ago; Unconditional Acceptance: The Ultimate Abandonment; It Pays To Be Average Looking: Why Good-Looking People Struggle With Intimacy; Data Dumps: Why Most Couples Bore Each Other To Death;
Love Conquers All: Only For Idiots

If any of the above pisses you off -- or just plain intrigues you -- feel free to comment on my blog space below!

CAREER TIP:If you were able to go into business with anyone - who would it be?

This morning on my SIRIUS radio show BE HAPPY DAMMIT Judy Martin -- work/life culture pundit and journalist -- came on and offered an interesting study along with helpful career tips...and so I asked her to guest blog at my site.

Here's Judy Martin:

A study by the Small Business division of Capital One Financial found that 66 percent of those who dreamed of owning their own business would want Oprah as their most desirable partner. The Donald, Martha Stewart, and U2’s Bono were next. Aside from name recognition, and the cash windfall, how do you relate to their image?

But...enough about them! What does your image stand for?

Who are you and how do you show up in business?

There’s a marked difference between image and authentic identity. Often we get so caught up in presenting ourselves in a way we believe others will accept us, thinking it will lead to a successful interaction. But problems arise at the heart of business when the parties don’t live up to the “image” expectation. If we could be more authentic when we interact, not fearful of our true self – doors will open.

Here’s a few questions to ask yourself before the work day:

1. “Who am I?” : Just give yourself a few minutes to contemplate that question without any judgment.

2. “What are the most positive characteristics about myself that I can focus on today?” Do they conflict with how others might perceive me?

3. “Do I listen with awareness to the person with whom I’m speaking?” Listening clears the way for more of your own intuition to spring forth.

For more about Judy Martin click here or then again click here

"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life" -Bertolt Brecht

My father is dying.

It feels surreal to type that sentence.

And after typing those words, it begins to finally feel real.

We are taught in this culture to deny death.

Indeed, talking about death is considered a rather morbid conversation to lure someone into.

Plus, it’s as if we secretly fear we might “catch death” indirectly -- simply talking about it!

But now, as I prepare for the sad potentiality of my father’s death, I find myself becoming more aware of the importance of talking about death – openly -- very openly – with others.

I confess at first I felt awkward starting conversations about my father and his illness – and in thinking about why this might be – I remembered back to a quick sort of funny story.

A QUICK SORT OF FUNNY STORY: My initial inspiration for writing HOW TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT came from reading Sogyal Rinpoche’s “THE TIBETAN BOOK OF LIVING AND DYING.” I remember when I initially read this book I actually skipped the passages about “dying” – completely. I thought (get this!) those sections about death did NOT apply to me! Afterall, I was healthy. My family was healthy. I didn’t need to read about dying. Then one night on a whim, I began to skim through those very death passages – and cracked up. Much of what Rinpoche wrote about in these sections was written for the healthy and the vibrant – to warn us NOT to live with denial about death – because death absolutely came with a lifetime guarantee! And the sooner we healthy and vibrant folks could recognize that we are not invincible, the sooner we might use our energy to enjoy our lives to their utmost.

I picked up Rinpoche’s book again this weekend while I was visiting my father in the hospital and read Rinpoche’s passages on dying once again. So much of what he wrote makes so much sense.

He warns us not to become “unconscious living corpses.” Meaning? If we’re not careful, we can sleepwalk through our lives – afraid to feel our deepest feelings – afraid to risk going for our truest desires.

He describes a Western tendency called “active laziness” – our urgent need to cram up our lives with compulsive unimportant activities – leaving little leftover time to confront our most important issues. He jokingly re-names all the petty projects which we call our “responsibilities” -- as our “irresponsiblities” -- because they stop us from finding the time to do what matters most.

All of this reminded me of a favorite Bertolt Brecht quote: "Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Today look at your daily list of “responsibilities” and gauge honestly how many of them are in truth “irresponsibilites”? Ask yourself how you might boldly and truthfully edit down your “to do” list -- to make sure you find the time for your “what matters most to do” list!

ps: We’ve all had life experiences that have impacted us. I welcome you to bring your thoughts and life lessons to my blog to share it with me and the notsalmon community....

BE HAPPY DAMMIT TIP: BUSINESS FRIENDSHIP PERKS YOU UP!

Today on my sirius show -- BE HAPPY DAMMIT -- I was talking with one of my regulars, Jonathan Fields, a serial entrepreneur, about the importance of friendship not only when it comes to life happiness -- but job happiness!

For example...

People with a best-friend at work are 7 times more likely to be engaged in their work!

Close friendships at work boost employee satisfaction by nearly 50%!

People with at least 3 close friends at work were 46% more likely to be extremely satisfied with their job -- and 88% more likely to be satisfied with their lives!

Being around a boss was generally considered the least-pleasant part of the work-day. But, employees who were good friends with their bosses were more than TWICE as likely to be happy with their work!

All of this is especially interesting to me now that I've been hiring people to help me out with my radio show. I must confess one of my top job hiring assessments was to ask myself "Would I want to have lunch with this person outside of them working with me?" I only wanted to hire people I'd enjoy spending time with -- and so far so good! I love my new Be Happy Dammit Team: Carolynn Kutz, Allison Maggy, Alexis Robertson, Laura Cantor, and Sharra! So far they've definitely been making my life and job far more than 7 times as engaging!

BE HAPPY DAMMIT TIP

Every morning on my BE HAPPY DAMMIT sirius radio show, I start your day by making you write a TO BE LIST -- instead of a TO DO LIST.

But I take it easy on you. I only make you write one TO BE -- so you can truly focus on it.

A favorite “TO BE” : openminded.

Marcel Proust said: “The voyage of true discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes.”

If you’re unhappy right now, you might NOT have to change your entire life -- just openmindedly view your life with “new eyes.”

It’s like this: Much of your view of your present reality is created due to your past experiences -- and the stubborn expectations and limited beliefs they’ve created – which block you from fully seeing your world with clarity.

Okay! Quick Buddhist tale to explain and inspire!

One day a very wealthy dad took his son on a trip to the country, to live a few days on the farm with a very poor family.

His goal: Teach his son how it was to be poor.

Upon return, the father asked his son, “So, what did you learn about what it means to be poor?”

The son answered, “I learned that we have one dog. They have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden. They have a creek with no end. We have imported lanterns. They have an abundance of stars at night. We have a small piece of land to live on. They have fields that go beyond our sight. We buy our food. They grow theirs. We have walls around our property. They have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then the son added this final remark: “Yes, dad, you showed me how poor WE truly are.”

THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED: With an open mind – with “new eyes” -- you can create a new reality.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Today, I encourage you to stop reacting in the same old ways to the same old things which get you upset. Create a new reality by viewing your life with “new eyes.”

SOME SOUL MATE SNAGGING TIPS...

I recently got out of a relationship with someone who I never felt fully connected with.

After work at dinner each night I'd always ask him about his day, but to no avail. He'd clam up, never sharing fully who he was underneath his expensive suits. And whenever I tried to get him to talk about his emotions, he'd stonewall, confessing his ex used to have the same problem with his inability to want to share his feelings.

In thinking about this now I realized he didn't have AN OPEN SOUL, which should be a top priority for anyone seeking a SOUL MATE.

YES...first and foremost -- far ahead of seeking someone who is sexy, smart, funny, successful -- you must seek AN OPEN SOUL.

Likewise, if you want to snag a SOUL MATE it is essential you be AN OPEN SOUL.

Sure when you live with AN OPEN SOUL you run more risks for rejection, abandonment, and overall vulnerability/pain.

BUT...

It is only when you risk living with AN OPEN SOUL that you stand any chance at all of feeling connected to another.

Another perk to OPEN SOUL-DOM: self-growth!

When you drop your guards and your fancy-shmancy socialized self exterior, you are up for being challenged -- and thereby up for growing into your highest potential -- which in my belief system is the holy grail for happiness -- gaining insights which help you grow into your highest potential.

Chances are if you are already AN OPEN SOUL it's because you are presently someone who values becoming your highest self, and are thereby up for the risk and challenge of true intimacy. If so, yay for you!

OPEN SOUL people are those who live a life viewing relationships as not only being there for THE PRACTICAL PURPOSE of companionship -- but for THE HIGHER PURPOSE of growth.

OPEN SOUL people put learning how to be better at receiving and giving love as a top life priority... and thereby spend a lot of their time in SOUL SHARING mode... being communicative, appreciative, openly caring, openly loving - because they know the gains of true intimacy far outweigh the pains.

Indeed, if you want to better increase your odds of finding your SOUL MATE, increase your openness of sharing your soul with your partner.

Yo! It's called a SOUL MATE for a reason! Being a SOUL MATE with someone is about connecting soul to soul with them. And if your soul is not coming out to play, you will never feel connected - and thereby never feel like youve found your SOUL MATE. End of story (and a story without that yearned for happily ever after ending)!

WITH THIS IN MIND, HERE ARE SOME SOUL OPENING TIPS TO KEEP IN MIND AS YOU GO ABOUT YOUR WEEK:

1. STOP expecting your partner to be a mind reader. Hate to break it to you -- BUT -- even mind readers are NOT really mind readers! They're clever show biz folks. If a mind reader is not truly a mind reader, neither is your partner! Speak up! If something is on your mind... share it! One of my favorite quotes is from Emile Zola: I came into this world to live out loud. ...So live out loud, dammit!

2. STOP focusing on your fears of intimacy (aka: rejection and abandonment) and re-focus on the amazing perks of intimacy (aka true connection and higher self growth potential!)

3. Commit to staying committed. When the relationship gets bumpy -- see things through the lens of "growth opportunity" -- and learn how to share how you feel warmly with the potential of you being wrong and your partner being right! Learn how to better give and receive love when it's hardest to give and receive. Remember: All relationship challenges are opportunistic vehicles to help you learn how to better receive and give love...the holiest grails to aim yourself at in life

BE HAPPY DAMMIT TIP

In today's busy world, dads are researched to merely spend an average of 7 minutes a day of quality time with kids!

Meanwhile, the average person spends 2.5 - 4 hours a day watching tv, equivalent to a part time job!

Yikes!

Today on BE HAPPY DAMMIT (my daily 8am EST radio show on SIRIUS/LIME 114) I talked about the difficulties and funny aspects of parenting with Jonathan Fields (serial lifestyle entrepreneur)and Danny Evans (hot blogger of DAD GONE MAD)and Bill Brazell -- who brings me hot bloggers every week.

Another scary fact: 54 percent of young kids would now rather watch tv than spend time with their father!

BE HAPPY DAMMIT ASSIGNMENT:Step away from that TV -- and spend time with kids the old fashioned way -- play with them, talk with them, read to them!

HAPPY DAMMIT SEMINAR - APRIL 18TH - NYC LEARNING ANNEX

Happiness tip#27: Sing your heart-ache out.

FACT: The Institute of Music, Health and Education has found that just five minutes of singing or humming can put you in a sunnier mood.

Your Happiness Assignment: When in the shower or bath, sing until your heart's content. Avoid songs once shared with an ex or lyrics on the maudlin side.

Some Guaranteed Musical Boosters I recommend: We will rock you – Queen; We are the champions – Queen; Emotional rescue – Rolling Stones; Simply the best – Tina Turner; Like a rolling stone – Bob Dylan; Respect – Aretha Franklin; Brass in pocket – Pretenders; Mustang sally – Wilson Pickett or the Commitments; These boots are made for walking - Nancy Sinatra; My Way - Frank Sinatra; Wind beneath my wings – Bette Midler; I will survive – Gloria Gaynor; Mocking bird – Carly Simon and James Taylor; Don’t worry Be happy – Bobby McFerrin; I can see clearly now - Bob Marley; Calling all angels – K.D. Lang; In my life – The Beatles; Who let the dogs out – Baha men; Banana boat song – Harry Belafonte; Girls just want to have fun – Cyndi Lauper!

If you live in NYC...come join me live -- and I will share all the latest empowering mood boosting research and tips to help you through challenging times -- at my Be Happy, Dammit seminar at THE LEARNING ANNEX on APRIL 18TH (Course 366CNY, Section A) from 7:00 PM to 8:30 PM. I promise I will help to perk up even the most cynical spirit - by sharing new research and techniques from psychology, biology, eastern and western philosophies, quantum physics, the Zen of Bazooka Joe.

Register by calling the New York Learning Annex office at (212) 371-0280...or click this linkerooni.

Lincoln was right. “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

According to the Happiness Project at Oxford University, half of your personality is inherited!

Meaning..., your disposition toward optimism and happiness is based 50% on your genetic inheritance.

But that's actually good news -- because this means you have control of that other hefty 50%. So happiness is really an inner decision. It's about making up your mind to control your mind -- harness your conscious brain power to think about things differently and seek positive solutions and activities which bring you the most joy.

As Lincoln said: “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

HAPPINESS ASSIGNMENT: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a best selling author on happiness and “flow,” suggests you systematically record your activities and feelings every few hours for two weeks. Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being most positive). Then afterwards, note your high points versus low points. Afterwards, consciously adjust how you spend your time according to your findings -- and you will soon be happier.

SOHO HOUSE SEMINAR -- ON LEARNING THE BIG KEY TO EXTREME SUCCESS - APRIL 9TH!!

Q: How can you score EXTREME BUSINESS SUCCESS?

A: You must recognize that in today's competitive world it's the HARE not the TORTOISE who wins the race!

If you come in 2nd place you might lose the race!

You must think fast on your feet -- know who to trust/NOT trust fast -- make quick/wise decisions!

You can only do that if you trust your GUT.

I believe that in today's uber-busy business world, the wisest decisions ONLY come when you wisely trust your gut and thereby have:

a. the intuitive courage to go against status quo and group opinion

b.. the intuitive foresight to see a new market even before it’s obviously emerged

c. the intuitive trust in yourself to try a hitherto untried opportunity

d. the intuitive ability to tap into a client’s most relevant priorities/needs/values -- before they become a client’s biggest problems

e. an intuitive strong sense for what your highest priorities/needs/values may be

If you want to up your career to its highest level -- ABSOLUTELY join me April 9th at 7pm at THE SOHO HOUSE in NYC.

I will be offering all kinds of inside science-secrets of the GUT from my newest book GUT:HOW TO THINK FROM YOUR MIDDLE TO GET TO THE TOP.

WHEN: APRIL 9TH AT 7pm

WHERE: THE SOHO HOUSE on 9th Avenue and 13th Street -- rsvp NOW to get your name on list!

FEE: $25.00 -- plus free drink

RSVP A MUST: Write me at info@notsalmon.com -- put GUT SEMINAR RSVP in subject box -- and list how many people are coming -- include all emails of attendees, so I can confirm!

My gut says this will be a fabulous seminar -- which will help you take your career to the next upper level!

HAPPINESS TIPS -- plucked fresh from my BE HAPPY DAMMIT sirius radio show!

They say money can't buy happiness.

They is right -- but only half right.

You can maybe snag some happiness if you buy "experiences" rather than things.

It's like this...

German scholar Stefan Klein -- author of “The Science of Happiness” -- says his research shows...

“Things per se cannot bring you happiness at all. It is only the 'experience' of possessing something which can trigger the emotion of happiness."

Meaning?

When a new possession does trigger happiness, it is actually only triggering the "new experience" of having a new thing, like a new, bigger car, for example. It's the experiecing of the newness of the car you're feeling -- not the object itself. Once the new car is NOT new to you anymore, the experience of owning this object fades, and so too will your happiness.

The solution?

Invest more of your moola and time in experiences like vacations -- dinners with loved ones -- films - museum visits -- strolls along the beach -- sport activities -- any/all events and happenings which will bring you longterm happy memories!

Harvard University social psychologist Daniel Gilbert --NYTimes best selling author of “Stumbling on Happiness” -- agrees.

Gilbert pithily explains the happiness perks of happy experiences like this...

"Goods tarnish over time. Experiences, on the other hand, can get better as you remember them -- especially if you're one of the many people who tend to embellish when remembering your past -- which many people are!"

My guests who offered positive happy experiences:

Francine Segan, award winning cookbook author of many cookbooks including THE OPERA LOVER'S COOKBOOK -- and recent nominee for James Beard award

Ceslie Armstrong, founder of the fabulous entertaining and informative CESLIE TV

Adam Walden, President of GEN ART -- a terrific organization which brings you the hottest in fashion, film, art, photography -- you name it

Social Diva, an amazing social networking organization

Lisa Goldberg of Sapa,a sexy/sleek/indulgent restaurant --- with a conscience -- holding an upcoming celebrity-waitered fundrasier dinner for Lou Gehrig disease

Want more happiness tips -- told to you LIVE?

Listen to my free, free, free BE HAPPY DAMMIT radio sample podcasts, snipped fresh from the airwaves of my daily drivetime SIRIUS show, on Lime Channel 114 by clicking this linkerooni here!

HEAR ALL ABOUT THE POWER OF NICE -- AT MY NEW PODCAST LIBRARY!

Good news if you're nice! Nice guys and gals finish FIRST -- when it comes to health, happiness, money, success, better friendship bonds -- you name it.

Hear all about the good stuff in store for nice people -- on a now posted BE HAPPY DAMMIT radio sample podcast, from my daily drivetime SIRIUS show, on Lime Channel 114.

Plus there are lots of other FREE podcasts now up here at the "be happy dammit podcast library". to sample and enjoy!

Bon listening appetit!