The "Who Knew?" Guru

The findings of a recent Wall Street Journal ranking of the most influential business thinkers might surprise you. Only one of the top five thinkers is an actual traditional business guru -- which is not only interesting, but good news for my boss, Karen Salmansohn -- who is herself an unconventional business guru, with her best selling books -- like HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT A PENIS and GUT: HOW TO THINK FROM YOUR MIDDLE TO GET TO THE TOP, and BALLSY: 99 WAYS TO SCORE EXTREME BUSINESS SUCCCESS. So it seems Karen is part of a big trend. Meaning? I'll probably have my job working for her for a long time to come!

I spotted this trend in an article Erin White wrote for WSJ called "New Breed of Business Gurus Rises." Below are those top five. Check it out: 4/5ths of the bulk of them are a psychologist, 2 journalists, and a celebrity CEO.

1. Author and "traditional" consultant Gary Hamel
2. Journalist Thomas Friedman
3. Author and Journalist Malcolm Gladwell
4. Former Microsoft CEO Bill Gates
5. Harvard psychology professor Daniel Goleman

Each of these thinkers has done their share to change the way we "do" business. But rather than focusing on how they've changed business, we must focus on what this shift away from "traditional" gurus means for business.

Examining this trend leads us to many conclusions, but the main reason people are looking to unconventional gurus is because "time-strapped managers are hungry for easily digestible advice wherever they can find it." That's according to Thomas H. Davenport, a management professor at Babson College and the compiler of the ranking.

Today's most pressing business concerns include weighty issues like globalization, innovation, and motivation. Rather than relying on didactic, esoteric business theories and policies, managers are looking for easily digestible, yet still profound, pieces of advice. And they've found it in these not-so-run-of-the-mill advisers.

This new culture of gurus presents managers with a win-win situation. Because each business-expert comes from a different walk of life, people are getting a broader range of information. Each brings with them a special qualification or knowledge in a particular area that provides a more eclectic pool of information.

One dynamic missing in this pool, however, is women. Not one woman made it in the list of the Wall Street Journal's top 20. The lack of a woman's presence proves that there is another pressing business issue to be understood, namely, diversity. If you'd like to help solve our nation's diversity issues, I recommend you check out some of my boss Karen Salmansohn's unconventional business books -- which you can see in the book section on this site. Buy a few not only for yourself but friends -- and you will be doing your part to help to make sure there might be a woman business thinker on that list next year in WSJ!


Holley Simmons Reporting!

Word to the Wise

cloy–verb
1. to weary by an excess of food, sweetness, pleasure, etc.; surfeit; satiate.
2. to become uninteresting or distasteful through overabundance.

You've no doubt heard that quote "Everything in moderation."

That includes chocolate, beer, love, and, yes, broccoli.

Even things which are good for us become our worst enemy when consumed in mass quantities. It's essential to cut ourselves off at an acceptable point before our consumption takes a toll on us.

In addition to being bad for us, certain surpluses can lead to a lack off interest in what once used to excite us. Like the 2nd definition of today's "Word to the Wise" suggests, we become uninterested due to this overabundance.

For example, I love dumplings. You wrap anything up in a tight little won ton wrapper and I'll eat it. One night, I tried my hand at my own home-made pork dumplings-75 of them.

By the time I got to my 25th dumpling (I'm not kidding you…) I felt nauseous. I gave the rest to friends and vowed to never make them on my own again to avoid the same gluttony.

Funny thing is, though, I haven't been able to eat them at all ever since. What once brought joy to my life, now caused not only sickness but dullness. Since dumplings had always been a periodic treat for me, over-loading myself with so many at once really ruined any further experiences.

Dumplings are a silly example, but they're representative of what happens to us when we put all of our interest in one metaphorical won ton wrapper. Whether it be a new love interest who we're infatuated with, or a shirt of ours we wear constantly because it accentuates our hips nicely, we're bound to grow out of that initial feeling of yearning.

Under some circumstances, however, I can see how superfluity can be healthy. After a break-up, happiness lies at the bottom of that quart of Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby. Working hard in order to save up for a fabulous set of bed sheets is totally commendable, considering you've earned it.

So in conclusion, perhaps we should add a flourish to that much talked about sentiment and start to say... "Everything in moderation...INCLUDING moderation."

Holley Simmons Reporting!

There's no "Friend" in Business

Can bosses be too nice?

According to an article by David Koeppel on Portfolio.com a boss needs to be a little bossy to succeed at the workplace.

Indeed, 9 out of 10 workplace problems are caused by the lack of engagement on the part of a manager.

Rather than being an effective leader, some managers play so much nicey-nice wanting to be everyone's friend - and in the process wind up avoiding important managerial duties like criticism, feedback, employee guidance, reprimanding an employee when they've failed, and confronting a worker when they haven't met set goals or expectations.

These kinds of dialogues are imperative for an office and it's output to be effective. Unfortunately, when managers fail to have them, they're often conducted by a less qualified person.

Also... one of the big roles of a manager is to direct and oversee the final products of an office. If this final goal remains unclear and unstated because a boss is playing nicey-nice, then mixed signals and misinterpretations will occur -- creating a hodgepodge of what everyone thinks they're supposed to be doing.

Plus, if an employee is faltering at work and they don't know it, how can they ever improve? Without someone to boldly tell them how they can make themselves a better worker, they will be forever stuck in a stagnant pool of mediocrity.

Ditto in relationships.

Being disengaged in a love relationship – trying to play so nicey-nice that you stop being authentic and communicative -- is also a surefire way to ensure a relationship's demise. A disengaged nicey-nice partner will wind up coming off as bored and disinterested, which in turn rubs off on the people around them.

So try to make sure you're not playing nicey-nice with those around you. And if you're not -- but you know someone who is -- be sure not to be too nicey- nice about it -- and instead confront them with helpful, instructive ways that they can improve.

Holley Simmons Reporting!

Trophy Lives

You've seen at least one. Maybe you've been one. A totally mismatched couple -- where the woman is sexy and beautiful, and the man is balding and nerdy.

This no doubt happens conversely. Not that men date balding women. But I confess I've also seen many a gorgeous man with a so-so woman. For the purpose of this article, however, I'm simply intrigued by the notion of women who have the upper-hand in the looks department, and rather than date a hottie choose a nottie.

Why do these babes choose this way? In an article from www.livescience.com, Jeanna Bryner explains what was once thought to be an act of desperation or a lack of confidence is now being interpreted as a strategic decision.

Relationships where women are better looking than their male mates are shown to fare better in the long-run.

It's like this: Consistent research shows men place a greater emphasis on beauty than women. Men even equate relationship satisfaction with the attractiveness of their mates. To some men, beautiful women serve as justification that they're desirable. They feel like the envy of all their friends because such a good-looking woman has chosen to settle down with only them.

On the other hand, research shows women are more interested in relationships where they feels emotionally supported. In a study assessing 82 newlyweds, researchers videotaped each spouse as they discussed with their partner a personal problem for 10 minutes. The tapes were then analyzed for whether partners were supportive of spouses' issues. A group of trained "coders" rated the facial attractiveness of each spouse on a scale from 1 to 10, with the perfect 10 representing the ultimate babe. About a third of the couples had a more attractive wife, a third a more attractive husband and the remaining partners showed matching looks.

Overall, wives and husbands behaved more positively when the woman was better looking.

The finding "seems very reasonable," said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT's Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management. "Men are very sensitive to women's attractiveness. Women seem to be sensitive to men's height and salary."

Personally, I agree that physical attractiveness is important in a relationship, but I don't think it's paramount to a couple's "survival rate." After all, beauty fades - but a bad personality is forever. You need to find someone with whom you ALWAYS feel a connection, regardless of looks. Plus, who said you can't be attractive AND supportive? This issue can't be looked at in such a black or white manner.

Also, I can't imagine women are the only sex looking for support. Aren't there just as many men out there looking for emotional support and reassurance?

Chemistry between two people is determined by many factors -- so why bother putting such a large emphasis on looks?

Holley Simmons reporting!

Our "Word to the Wise" series continues...

per·spi·cu·i·ty [pur-spi-kyoo-i-tee]
–noun
clearness or lucidity, as of a statement.

Sometimes when we have strong feelings about an issue, it's difficult to express ourselves eloquently, especially to the person who caused these feelings. We fall back on stonewalling, manipulative double-speak or even passive aggressive behavior.

But these actions, or more appropriately inactions, only leave us in a worse state.

The best thing to do when someone does something that upsets us is to LET THEM KNOW! How on earth else will they know how we're feeling? Just because we feel strongly about an issue, doesn't mean the intensity is reciprocated.

Take for example, a relationship in which the woman wants to move things forward to exclusivity. Rather than just coming out and saying, "You know, I'm very interested in you and am wondering how you feel about making this relationship more serious", she instead tells the other person she's going on a date, just to see their reaction and stir up feelings of jealousy.

Unfortunately, this "double-speak-zero-truth-speak" might wind up leading their love interest to interpret the date as a sign that the woman is not interested in being exclusive. They, in turn, make plans with another woman to counter-act. Oh how that backfired!

The truth is, if we're close enough with someone to share our feelings with them, then we should be close enough to tell them the absolute truth. This rule applies to romantic relationships, sexual relationships, relationships with our parents, co-workers,…The list goes on and on.

Honesty really IS the best policy. Although it's difficult at times to put ourselves out there and make ourselves vulnerable, it's absolutely necessary if we want relationships filled with understanding and compassion - and true joyous intimacy.

We should never be afraid to say what we want. Otherwise, we might never get it, dammit!

Holley Simmons reporting!

Word To The Wise... Our Good Words To Live By Series Continues

Today's "Word to the Wise" is one that hits pretty close to home for me;

abulia \uh-BOO-lee-uh; uh-BYOO-\, noun:
Loss or impairment of the ability to act or to make decisions.

I chronically suffer from lack of ability to make decisions, whether it be what to order for dinner or what job offer to take.

I imagine many other people have this problem, so I'd like to try and get to the root of it.

Perhaps people take a long time/find it impossible to make decisions because they are worried the choice they make is utterly permanent.


I worry that if I order the chicken pot pie, and it turns out to be disgusting, there's nothing I can do about it and must eat the whole thing. Or I'm concerned if I take this job because it pays well, but I end up hating it, that I'm stuck in it because I have no other choice.


But we must remember that there's a solution to everything. If you don't like the chicken, send it back and order something else. If you hate the job, put in your resignation and start looking for another one. Life's too short to be choking down things you're not in love with.


It's important to know, however, that the quicker you get out of a bad decision the better. If you let yourself steep in it, you will then get too involved and your optimum chances to change your situation will slip away like sand through your fingers.


Making decision comes down to one thing; knowing what you want. Although it sounds simple enough, it's incredibly hard to pin down what you think will make you happiest in the long run. What you're interested in right now might not be the same thing in five years, or hell, even five minutes.


I find it helpful to live in the now. That way, you're always happiest. Don't stress about the future too much, because there are always ways to fix a problem.


Your decisions are not as permanent as you may think. And that's enough to put me at ease--at least until dinner tonight.

Holley Simmons reporting!

Wake Up!

There are two kinds of people in this world; those who drink tea and those who drink coffee.

Tea drinkers wake up early so that they can reflect in their journals about the dreams they just had while sipping a cup of chamomile.

Coffee drinkers wait till the last possible second to sleep, jump out of bed, and read the newspaper on the way out the door while being scorched by dripping java.

Regardless of what you drink, chances are you could use a little help getting out of bed. Here "Dumb Little Man", the weekly life style blog, outlines 7 tips to help you burst out of bed quicker than you can say "carpe diem."


1. Consistency

Once you find a time that works with and for your internal clock, stick to it. The natural rhythms of our body respond to routine, so by setting your alarm for the same exact time every morning you will be training your body to react quickly. Soon enough, you may not even need an alarm!


2. Have a Big Breakfast

Eating bigger portions during the morning provides our bodies with the fuel we need to function throughout the day. Not only does eating breakfast increase your metabolism, but it also has been proven to improve the thought process. Conversely, try eating lighter at nighttime. Going to sleep on a mostly empty stomach allows your body to take its focus away from digestion and put it towards repairing and rejuvenating other cells.


3. Find something to get out of Bed For

Live every day like it's Christmas morning. Try and focus on things that you'll be happy to get out of bed for, like a great job, a cute pet, or a new exercise routine designed to make you look good. Basically, find things that mean more to you than a little more shuteye.


4. Plan Your Day

Nothing says you've got things to do like a tangible list. By keeping track of the tasks that need to be met, you're setting mini goals for yourself. The best time to do something is NOW, not in five minutes, not tomorrow, but now.


5. Water Water Everywhere

Water is H2 Oh so important to a good night's sleep. Drinking a glass of water before going to bed will serve in your body's natural rejuvenation process. Also, a glass of water in the morning jump-starts your mind and body.


6. Work that Booty

By exerting energy through exercise, you are making yourself tired. So when it comes time to go to bed, you'll fall asleep easier and more relaxed. This relaxation will last all night until the morning, when you'll actually feel rested and ready to attack the day.


7. All about You

Figure out what little thing makes you happiest, and find a way to incorporate it into your morning routine. Whether it be meditation or rock music, develop a 5-minute exercise you can do for instant gratification.

I know it can be hard sometimes to spring out of bed, but you have to remember that life is short. How do you want to remember it…between the covers or between adventures?



Holley Simmons Reporting!

Word to the Wise

I’ve loved today’s “Word to the Wise” word for a very long time.

cor•us•cate [kawr-uh-skeyt]
–verb (used without object), -cat•ed, -cat•ing.
to emit vivid flashes of light; sparkle; scintillate; gleam.


To me, this word is the epitome of a happy person; someone so radiantly cheerful that they emit light and “sparkle.”

Do you or someone in your life fit this description? You damn well should, because happiness is contagious. The attitude you exude rubs off on people whether you realize it or not.

It’s important to get in the habit of being happy, and as hard as that sounds, I’m here to offer you some easy to use tips that will lead you to your happiness peaks!

1. Smile Often
Nothing softens a bad mood like the turning up of your lips. Even if you feel silly doing it, it will at least get your mind off of whatever’s bugging you.

2. Project
Sometimes the things that make us angry are petty and inconsequential. Ask yourself, “Is this worth getting upset over? How will my life be affected by this tomorrow morning? How about in ten years? Chances are if it doesn’t have a lasting effect, there’s no point holding onto that anger in the first place.

3. Put things in Perspective
You may be mad, for example, that traffic is making you late, but I guarantee there’s someone in the traffic jam in a worst off position that you are. While you’re just stuck trying to get home to watch the news, there could be someone running late for a doctor’s appointment to check on his or her biopsy results. This is sad and depressing to think about, but often times being selfless helps us get in touch with ourselves.

4. Write down your thoughts
Someone at work getting on your nerves? Rather than reaming them out, write a little letter to them, and never send it. Or send it if you think it will help. Basically, writing down your emotions is a healthy exercise in getting to the source of your aggressions.

These tips are far from demanding. Instead, they are just a few little tweaks you can institute into your daily life to ensure a coruscating attitude.

Holley Simmons Reporting!

Breaking Hearts is Not a Game

While discussing relationships the other day, a friend of mine told me she was in desperate need of a “monkey bar.”

Perplexed, I asked her what she was talking about.

“You know when you’re in a relationship that’s just so-so, but you haven’t found anything better to move onto? Well a monkey bar is that someone who you leave the other person for. It’s like the monkey bars on a playground. You never take your one hand off the previous bar until you’ve got your other hand on the next bar.”

This analogy made perfect sense to me. I started thinking about other ways the games we play in relationships are similar to the games we played on the playground.

To wit;

Tag…You’re it!

The proverbial chase is a tale as old as time. You run after someone playing hard to get, and the second you actually reach them, you completely lose interest and start to run away. That’s because the chase is often more exciting than the actual prize. Try to avoid this game because it always ends ugly, with scraped knees and bruised egos.

Emotional See Saw

One day you’re inseparable, the next you want to administer heavy doses of rat poisoning. The human emotion system is a complex one, and the feelings we experience today are not dependent on how we felt yesterday. Same goes for sexual urges. As time goes on, the sexual excitement has a tendency to leave the relationship despite your hardest efforts.

Swing Set

One person pushes their partner away, yet they come right back to them like clockwork. Rather than knowing when to give up, some people are either oblivious (or in denial) of signs they’re in a bad relationship. Chances are if the person you’re with keeps pushing you away, there’s no reason for you to remain their emotional punching bag. Wise up and move on.


Take a minute to think of these and other adult-games that we play in our relationships, and ask yourself if they’re as fun as you think. Chances are they’re not.

The sign of a healthy relationship is one where we don’t keep score. Thoughts like “I called him last so now it’s his turn” and “He texted me 5 minutes ago, but I’m going to wait a couple hours so it looks like I’m not waiting for him” are immature and petty. If you want to call him, pick up the phone! Don’t deny your urges just because you don’t want to come off desperate. Put yourself out there, and you might be surprised what you get back.

And if what you get back isn’t good enough, there’s always someone else willing to play with you.

Holley Simmons Reporting!

Give it to Me

Does this sound like good sex to you;

"Oooh baby. Boost it. Oh yeah, that's right. Boost my immune system."

Well it should, considering the many health benefits that healthy sex brings.

As if you needed another excuse, Web MD offers you 10 scientifically proven reasons why you should head to the bedroom after reading this article.

1. Sexed Out, Not Stressed Out

Because sex is proven to lower blood pressure, it reduces a person's over all stress level and risk of heart disease. Researchers from Scotland studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations -- such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic -- and noted their blood pressure response to stress.

Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.

The next time you have sex, I dare you to worry about your laundry, and that report your boss is asking for, and how messy the apartment is, and how there's no food in the fridge, etc. etc. Sex acts as a distracter and helps you get all these stressful things off your mind.


2. Immunity booster

Having healthy sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.

Now doesn't "Kiss me" have a better ring to it than "Tissue me?"


3. Burn Baby Burn

Consider this;

A 135 pound woman burns 82 calories climbing stairs for 10 minutes. That same 135 pound woman burns 86 calories having sex for 20 minutes.

Which climax would you prefer-the one offered at the top of a staircase or the one achieved during sex? I thought so.


4. Stroke It

There's good news for anyone older who worries that sex might strain his or her heart. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found no direct link between the frequency of sex and the occurrence of stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.

The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.


5. Does this Position Make my Butt Look Big?

Knowing that you've pleased yourself and your partner does a hell of a lot for your self esteem.

Sex, family and marriage therapist Gina Ogden, PhD finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves," she tells WebMD. "Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."

They don't call it SEX-y for nothing. Let lose. Go wild. Get what you want, and you're bound to reach your emotional and sexual peaks.


6. There's no "Me" in Intimacy

Having orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, which is the so-called love hormone that helps us bond and build trust. Likewise, higher oxytocin levels have been linked with feelings of generosity.


7. Turn "Ow" into "Ooh"

As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines.

In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.

Now go do some prick-ing of your own.


8. Ejacu-lately?

According to Australian researchers, frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life.

But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.


9. Leggo my Kegel

For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.

To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you're trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release.


10. ZZzzzzZZZzzzz

All this talk about sex is making me sleepy. And it should. According to research, the oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep.

And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.


Overall, we need to understand sex as a way to get closer with a person to whom we feel attracted, emotionally or physically. So these 10 findings serve as additional benefits to the physical act of love. And if nothing else, give you one hell of a rebuttal to the old "head-ache" excuse.

Holley Simmons Reporting!

Hey Baby. What's your Line?

Anyone who's ever been to a bar and started a conversation with a stranger has either asked or been asked the following:


"So what do you do?"


And that's my all time biggest pet peeve.


What do I do? I do a lot of things. I read, I write, I knit, I cook, and, in addition to helping Karen out, I work for a well recognized media outlet that reaches over 26 million people a week. But is that last fact any more relevant than the others?


Sure you can learn a lot about someone by where they work, but it's not entirely indicative of who they are as a person. So why are we so quick to ask a complete stranger what they do for a living?


Here, I suggest other more intriguing questions to be asked the next time you're out at a social scene:


1. What did you write your college application essay about?
2. If you could be named anything else, which name would you choose?
3. If you were a piece of fruit, what would you be and why? (Just be prepared for them to answer with something sugary so they can tell you how "sweet" they are.)
4. Laser jet or ink jet?
5. Aisle seat or window seat?
6. If you were a bumper sticker, what would you say?
7. What's the hardest word for you to spell or pronounce?
8. Do you believe in ghosts and psychics?
9. What's your favorite funny film?
10. Have you ever read the books of Karen Salmansohn? (Hey -- I'm Karen's assistant, so of course I wanna help plug my boss -- so, why not make her a good conversation starter?!)


Basically, there's nothing more impressive to me than someone who can think on their feet. And asking feisty and surprising questions like these really catches people off guard and leaves them with little or no time to react. So not only will you make a killer first impression, but you'll receive truly candid answers. And that's such a wonderful (if not the only) way to really learn who someone is as a person.


Oh, and P.S. If you're wondering what the answer to yesterday's blog riddle is, it's "Those in Heaven feed each other."


Holley Simmons Reporting!

Word to the Wise

I’m warning you ahead of time that today’s “Word to the Wise” is quite a tongue twister. But I promise that the actual definition is a lot simpler than the huge word implies.

And here it is;

eleemosynary [el-uh-mos-uh-ner-ee,]
–adjective
1. of or pertaining to alms, charity, or charitable donations; charitable.
2. derived from or provided by charity.

I don’t have to tell you how good it feels to know you’ve made a positive impact on someone. I’m just here to remind you that there are opportunities for contribution everywhere you look.

Charity comes in many forms, and is not necessarily defined by cash donations. So no matter your status, there are tons of ways to be charitable.

For example, if you’re a pro at knitting, why not knit a baby blanket for a local shelter? This costs you little to nothing, but provides a child with warmth he or she might otherwise lack.

Or even less time consuming; why not drop a couple quarters in the parking meter of a stranger the next time you see it is about to expire? Not only will you save the person the hassle of a parking ticket, but you’ll also have good car-ma!

It’s important every now and then to step back in our lives and consider those of others. There are a lot of life lessons to be learned from people you don’t know. If you’re constantly thinking how things will affect ONLY you, how will you ever get to be your optimal self?

All that being said, consider this old Chinese riddle.

A curious man once asked to visit Heaven and Hell. Expecting Hell to be a terrifying and scary place, he was surprised to find people surrounding a table loaded with delicious gourmet food. The man thought, “Perhaps Hell isn’t so bad after all.”

But upon closer examination, the man noticed that the people surrounding the table were miserable. They were starving because, although there was a mountain of food before them, they had been given three foot long chopsticks to eat with. There was no way for them to carry the food to their mouths with such long utensils, and so no one could eat a bite.

The man was then taken to Heaven. To his surprise, he found the exact same situation he had seen in Hell; people surrounding a table piled high with glorious food with only three foot chopsticks to eat it with. But here in Heaven, everyone was plump and happily eating the wonderful food.

How is this possible?


If you’re stumped, tune into tomorrow’s blog where I’ll reveal the answer!

Holley Simmons Reporting!

Got the Blues…and I'm Happy 'Bout It!

Who knew the key to happiness was sadness all along?

That is, at least to author Eric Wilson. In his new book entitled "Against Happiness-In Praise of Melancholy" Wilson explores ways in which sadness is actually beneficial to achieving happiness.

Wilson states that by recognizing what makes us truly sad, we can pinpoint what makes us equally happy. Likewise, when we allow ourselves to be melancholy, we fully appreciate it when we become joyful.

Say you're having a wonderful day... Your hair looks good. You're feeling skinny. You just finished a great book. Now say you're at work and your boss compliments you on a job well done. Although this feels really good, it's not likely to make a huge impact on your mood -- since you were already in such high spirits.

But now imagine the exact opposite... Your hair belongs in Glamour's "Don't" section. Your jeans won't zipper all the way. The 500 page book you just finished was a complete waste of time. When your boss tells you that you did an excellent job on something, chances are you'll be so much more appreciative to hear something uplifting.

The natural ebb and flow between these polar opposite emotions creates a balanced tension to be happy about.

Wilson argues that today's society is overly-medicated with anti-depression pills and treatments meant as quick-fixes. Rather than accepting these feelings of sadness, we are pumped full of drugs to make them go away. Now in some serious cases, medication is necessary, and he's not suggesting people walk around with unbearable sadness.

However, what if Vincent Van Gogh had been on Prozac? Do you think he could have created masterpieces without the rage and sadness he experienced? And imagine Earnest Hemmingway doped up on Zoloft. Chances are the sun would have set on the "The Sun Also Rises."

More people need to embrace their mild sadness rather than ignoring it. Otherwise, we're doomed to lead a life of unexamined emotions that could be stinting our creativity AND happiness.


Holley Simmons reporting!

Getting Better with Age

I was reading the Washingtonian and found an interesting article which stated there are some definite benefits to growing old - besides the discounted movie tickets.

For example consider the life of George Dawson. As the son of an underprivileged farmer and descendant of African American slaves, George grew up during the 1900's never learning how to read.

At the age of 90, George was approached by a man going door to door touting a local adult literary initiative. Figuring it was about time he could spell his own name, George joined the program and was fully literate by the age of 98.

George proves that some old dogs were meant to learn new tricks. Recent scientific explorations support this adage.

In his new book "Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain," gerontology researcher Dr. Gene Cohen investigates ways in which the brain matures. And his findings may surprise you.

It's a Hard Knock Life

The stereotype of an old person is that of a forgetful, hard-of-hearing boob. And often in literature and movies, elders are depicted as evil witches, wicked step-parents, and mean baby-sitters. But like most stereotypes, these are outdated and inaccurate.

Cohen concludes that by challenging yourself as you age, you develop wisdom, self assurance and even creativity that you lacked as a youth.

Activities such as community-education courses, book and writing groups, arts programs, and challenging work—volunteer, paid, or part-time—boost development of the brain in the second half of life. One study of the connection between leisure activities and the risk of dementia and cognitive decline found that dancing, board games, playing a musical instrument, crossword puzzles, and reading had the greatest impact in reducing the risk of mental disability.

The Science of an Aging Brain

When you compare the MRI of a 30 year old brain with that of a 70 year old brain performing the same task, you find a surprising difference. Whereas the 30 year old brain utilizes primarily the left hemisphere, the 70 year old brain utilizes both hemispheres.

Because the right hemisphere of the brain is associated with intellectual curiosity and passion, this convergence suggests that the older you get, the better you are making new connections and achieving new insights.

Other research on the brains "amygdale" (which is the part of the brain that processes emotions) returns unforeseen results; In brain-imaging studies, young adults and older adults were exposed to positive and negative emotions to see how the amygdala lit up and how long it stayed lit. Positive emotions caused the amygdala to light up the same way and stay lit for the same amount of time in both groups. But with negative emotions—fear, rage, envy—the amygdala lit up less intensely and for a shorter interval in the older group.

Senior Moments

Cohen states "I think that after 50 there's a new senior moment—a creative moment. There's a liberation phase that begins to be very strong in the fifties. It's characterized by metaphorical inner voices saying, "If not now, when?" and "What can they do to me?" These are powerful feelings based on accumulated experience that give you the courage to try something new."

As you age, you collect a series of experiences that you store in what I like to call a "life arsenal." The decisions you make in old age are affected by this arsenal of rich wisdom and knowledge from your first-hand experiences. Therefore, older people are more agile with their thoughts and emotions, and are free to make decisions based on inner freedom, self-confidence, and liberation from social constraints.

And that's worth waiting for.

Holley Simmons reporting!

Word To The Wise

Starting today myself and my fabulous new assistant -- Holley Simmons -- will be sharing a weekly blogpost called "WORD TO THE WISE" -- where we will share a word to think about...and become wiser for it.

Indeed...Holley will start off this series. So, take it away, Holley!

HOLLEY SIMMONS' "WORD TO THE WISE":

Being a writer, I'm a huge word person. So much so that I subscribe to www.dictionary.com's "Word of the Day."

This week I found the word of the day "indolent" to be particularly interesting, especially the 3rd and 4th definitions.

indolent \IN-duh-luhnt\, adjective:

1. Avoiding labor and exertion; habitually idle; lazy; inactive.

2. Conducive to or encouraging laziness or inactivity.

3. Causing little or no pain.

4. Slow to heal, develop, or grow.


As the definition suggests, true healing, development, and growth comes from experiencing pain. And I totally agree.


Just the thought of going through an emotional painful event is enough for some to pull their tails between their legs and go sit in a corner out of harms way. But how can you ever learn who you are as a person if you're always protecting yourself from disappointment, loss, heartbreak, and any other kinds of hurt?


You can't. And that's because if you go your whole life un-challenged, you'll never know anything about yourself other than what's on the surface. And living your life wearing rose-colored glasses will certainly strain your eyes, and give you a massive headache in the long run.


I'm not suggesting you purposefully put yourself in harms way. That'd be masochistic and not fun (unless you're into that). But don't shy away from a potentially painful experience just because there's a chance you come out scathed.


You need to take risks, push limits, and never make assumptions to get anywhere in life. If your dream job is up for grabs, don't shy away from it because you think you don't stand a chance. What's the worst that can happen? Let's say you apply and don't get it. You re-group and move on. It probably wasn't meant to be anyway.


Or imagine there's a strange illness you've experienced for a while, but are too afraid to get it checked out in case it's something very serious. Don't ignore it. Instead, get yourself to a doctor because even if the diagnosis is bad, you've caught it and can begin to treat it. And if it's really bad, at least you can begin to re-direct your life and re-evaluate what's really important to you before it's too late. People have done it before, and will continue to do so in the future. What makes you any different?


You're stronger than you think, dammit. And, in a word, that's incredible.


Holley Simmons Reporting!

Can you double your happiness, double your fun?

According to research with twins, you can't double your happiness -- but you can increase your happiness by up to 50%.

Yes, after three decades of twin research, studies have shown that 50 percent of your tendency to be happy or sad is determined by your genes.

This tendency is called your "happiness setpoint.”

It means your brain is pre-wired to either see the glass half full or half empty.

But this discovery is actually happy news.

Professor of psychology at the University of California Riverside, Sonja Lyubomirsky, compares the genetically determined happiness set point to our inherited tendency to stay thin or to put on weight.

"All the set point means," Lyubomirsky, says, "is that in the same way some people have to work on maintaining their weight, you may have to work to achieve the same level of happiness as someone else. It may be harder, but it can be done."

In our culture most people struggling with their setpoint – in either happiness or weight – usually turn to quick fix medications – which can be affective.

But -- there are other more fun options when it comes to raising your happiness setpoint.

Indeed researchers say there’s a simple formula for increasing happiness:

H = S + C + V

H = Happiness

S = Setpoint

C = Conditions of Your Life

V = Voluntary Activities


You know already about H and S.

Let’s look at that C – your Conditions.

Researchers say factors like education, health, income, and good looks have little effect on our genetic "setpoints."

Drastic changes in any of these conditions (aka winning gobs of money in the lottery) tend to re-regulate -- balancing themselves right back to original setpoint.

The same holds true for subtle conditional changes, like dying your hair. As the roots in your hair grow back in, you grow used to your new hair – and thereby might not want to re-dye it – because it no longer gives you that added ooompapa of happiness

But there is hope with that valuable V – with all your varying Voluntary activities you can add into your life.

These Voluntary activities fall into two broad categories: pleasures and gratifications.

Voluntary Pleasures are sensual and emotional (a back rub, having flowers sent to you) – and these are generally fleeting in their effect.

Voluntary Gratifications, however, are those activities which give us a sense of purpose -- and tend to last much longer (volunteering at a dog pound, picking up some soup for the homeless. And of course there’s the Grand Gratification of doing your signature strengths – those skillsets you excel at – which make you feel like your life has true meaning and purpose!)

The more you find time in your schedule to do more Voluntary Gratification Activities, the more you will increase your joy – by up to 50%!

Holley Simmons reporting!

What's your 10 Year "Happy" Plan?

Making difficult, life-altering decisions would be a breeze if we had a magic crystal ball to tell us which choices would most ensure our happiness.

But alas, no such thing exists, and we're left up to our own devices to plot our futures and hope for the best.

This onerous act of predicting our happiness is called "Affective Forecasting" -- as coined by Harvard University Psychology professor Dan Gilbert.

In his research, Gilbert explores our thought processes and determines just how good our brains are at forecasting what will make us happy in the future.

Whether our decisions are small ("What shirt will I feel most comfortable in tomorrow?") or large ("Should I spend the rest of my life with John or Pierre?") our brain tries to decide very rapidly how to maximize happiness.

However, certain obstacles get in our way during this decision making process. Gilbert calls one of these obstacles "Impact Bias" -- which is a tendency to believe events will have a stronger impact than they usually do.

For example... Do you remember your first heartbreak? It was debilitating and terrifying and made you believe you'd never find love again. But after time passed and you learned to live with out your significant other, you grew stronger and realized he or she wasn't as significant as you had thought.

According to Gilbert, humans are susceptible to this Impact Bias because we are overly-rational beings.

"People are very good at finding the good in the bad – very good at making the best of the situations that they are irrevocably stuck with. But they don't know they have this talent," says Gilbert.

So with all this in mind, is it possible to Affectively Forecast our future? Should you constantly be evaluating -- and re-evaluating -- what you think will make you happy five years from now? Not exactly. If you are constantly focusing all of your energy on the future, how can you ever truly appreciate your present? You need to avoid planning out every aspect of your future, because what happens if something doesn't go as planned?

Your goal: Try as best as you can to maintain a healthy balance of flexibility versus assuredness when it comes to guessing what will make you content.

Holley Simmons reporting!

Happy as A Clam ...or A Republican...?

You've heard the expression "happy as a clam" -- but have you ever heard the expression "happy as a Republican"?

According to Eric Weiner, author of "The Geography of Bliss" and veteran NPR correspondent, we might want to invent such a catchy phrase -- because Republicans are shown to be a happier lot -- by a lot!

Indeed, since 1972, biannual surveys by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago consistently show Republicans are happier than Democrats. This data is also backed up by a 2006 Pew Research poll in which 45 percent of Republicans described themselves as "very happy," compared with only 30 percent of Democrats (and 29 percent of independents).

While you might be quick to explain these statistics by linking happiness to money, you'd be wrong. And if you're thinking these facts stand true because power equals happiness, you'd be wrong again.

What actually accounts for rejoiceful Republicans, according to Weiner, are the following "happiness factors":


1. Religious attendance (regardless of denomination)

2. Marriage


Statistically, Republicans are more likely to take part in these two rites, which universal happiness research shows make for happier people.

Reversely, when we isolate "un-happiness factors" we find that Democrats are victims of them both:

1. Advanced education degrees (Yes, universal research studies show ignorance may indeed be bliss. The higher you rise on that education food chain, the lower your levels of happiness!)

2. Focus on people-of-the-world issues - like income equality and racial diversity (It seems worrying about the world can be a big weight on one's shoulders and psyche.)

So how can this data be used to help make sense of the upcoming election?

Well, it's no surprise, but people prefer to be around happy, optimistic people. And that means, according to Weiner, voters are more likely to elect the more optimistic candidate.

We'll leave your voting decision up to you. But remember -- how you vote could affect the happiness of our entire country! So definitely DO vote, dammit!

-- Holley Simmons reporting!

Forever Young

Found that fountain of youth yet?

Me neither.

But scientists are hot on the trail of developing ways to fight the proverbial clock.

Take, for example, the following researchers and their anti-aging theories, as outlined by a recent article in The Economist.

1. Aubrey de Grey’s “Seven Deadly Things”

By managing the seven components of aging (basically a variation of cell loss, gene mutation, and “junk” accumulation inside out outside the cells) we can halt the physical effects of old age. Many of these components are caused by “oxidation.” Oxidation is what happens when oxygen molecules meant to break down the sugar in our bodies veer off and instead oxidize (thus damage) other molecules, like our DNA and proteins. These misguided molecules are called “free radicals” and can be stopped in their tracks by, you guessed it, anti-oxidants.

Anti-oxidants are found in many common vitamins, including Vitamin B and C. But clinical tests are few, and many argue vitamins are not strong or effective enough to seriously fight aging on their own.


2. Leonard Hayflick and the “Hayflick Limit”

The cells in our body are genetically “locked” to stop them from reproducing. This locking mechanism is very important, because the over-reproduction of cells is what causes cancer. One such lock, discovered by Leonard Hayflick, places a limit on the number of times a cell divides.

On the other hand, stem cells can multiply indefinitely without causing damage. In theory, we could replace old, damaged cells with these self-renewing stem cells for the human body equivalent of a car tune-up. But this sort of procedure is a long ways away and requires years of development and trials.


3. David Sinclair and “Caloric Restriction”

A number of animal experiments show that limiting the amount of food intake to near-starvation levels can increase one’s life expectancy.

Here’s how it works; when your body is starving, it goes into “survival mode.”

All of your energy is spent on things that are essential to keeping you alive, like your respiratory and circulatory systems. Other bodily functions that aren’t necessary for survival are put on hold as not to waste energy. That’s why women who are starving don’t menstruate; their reproduction system isn’t as important as others.

But you’d have to be pretty desperate to go for this method. What’s the point of living longer if you can’t enjoy simple pleasures like some fine cheese and wine?

After all, don’t these, and most other things in life, get better with age?

-- Holley Simmons reporting!

Cloudy With A Chance Of Brain Sex

What’s in the forecast for love?

I've asked my new assistant, Holley Simmons, to research and report on this very important topic. Indeed, Holley will be my Happiness Researcher on my blog regularly from hereon in. This is Holley's first post -- which I personally find very fascinating. Take it away, Holley!

........

Thanks, Karen! For this blog I consulted with Social Technologies, an organization of top futurists, and they gave me the following ten ways technologies will impact relationships of the future.

1. G.P.S.-Goodbye Personal Space
With the advent of social websites like AdultFriendFinder.com, finding a mate could be as easy as locating a liquor store using your Tom Tom. This and sites like it use GPS technologies to alert your phone when a potential match is within a 5-mile radius.

2. Out of Site, Out of Mind
The definition of “cheating” will become more fluid in new virtual worlds. Dating rules which apply in real life may not translate when applied to social websites, like Facebook and MySpace.

3. Where the F*#% art thou, Romeo?
To keep track of your significant other, newly developed systems offer you real-time maps that update according to changes in your lover’s location.

4. Think Shrink
Those in need of relationship advice or guidance need look no further than their computer screens. Online therapy offers love-sick sufferers a virtual space to work out their problems and tackle sensitive issues.

5. Strike a Match, Light a Flame
Compatibility tests will be taken to the next level, using proven scientific analysis to find that perfect someone.

6. Turn Me On
Just because your honey is across the Atlantic doesn’t mean you can’t have an intimate encounter. Using Telerobotic principles, sex toys can be controlled by an operator miles away for a stimulating and interactive experience.

7. Phero-Moans
By unlocking the chemistry behind love and physical attraction, scientists will develop biochemical potions made specifically to magnetize a love interest.

8. Hot Bot
Technological advances will make today’s best sex toys look lame in comparison. Imagine being able to build your ideal man or woman. Literally.

9. Head Games
Have “Brain Sex” using neurodevices which rouse emotions at will. Satisfy cravings as they arise, and have a little fun with your wildest fantasies.

10. That’s it…Keep Doing What You’re Doing…
Take these advancements or leave ‘em. After all, we know our own bodies best, and we ultimately decide what we want out of love. But it’s fun to imagine a world raining sexually connected men and women, weather we like it or not.