Girl talk vs Guy Talk! Is there a Difference?

Psssst... Wanna know who gossips more – girls or guys?

According to a recent research study of cellphone users (performed by the Social Issues Research Centre) men are the bigger gossipers!

Yes…spread the word!

33 % of men confessed to gossip every day - or almost every day -- compared with a lesser 26 % of women.

For the record, the study defined gossip as "chatty talk among friends" and "the process of informally communicating value-laden information about members of a social setting."

Yup – that counts as gossip to me!

And for those of you who stubbornly can't believers that guys love to dish as much - if not more than - the ladies – there were also 3 other recent studies – one at the University of Virginia, one at Northeastern University in Boston, and one at University of Wisconsin – which all confirmed gossip is pretty much a gender-neutral urge!

So here’s more gossip about gossip:

1. 2/3 rds of all cell conversations were reported to be a form of gossip – everything from who is doing what with whom; who is 'in' and who is 'out' and why; how to deal with difficult social situations; problems with lovers, family, friends, colleagues and neighbors.

2. Women were more likely than men to gossip mainly with family and girlfriends.

3. Men dished mostly with work colleagues, their spouse/partner, or female friends.

4. Men revealed they found it easier to gossip with women than men.

5. Male and female gossip has been shown to sound different. Women use more animated tones, more detail and prefer more interactive feedback.

6. Only about 5% of gossip-time is devoted to criticism.

7. Another 5 % is devoted to asking for or giving advice on difficult personal social situations.

8. The other 90% of gossip is focused on 'who is doing what with whom'

9. In daily conversation, males only discussed high-brow' important' subjects (aka: politics, work, art, academic matters, etc.) only 0-5 % of the time. However, when women were present,this number upped to 15-20%! Researchers proposed men went more
high-brow around the ladies to impress the ladies!

9. Men spent more time talking about themselves – with 2/3rds of talk being about themselves and their own affairs. Meanwhile women talked about themselves only 1/3rd of the time!

Why do we gossip?

According to psychologist Robin Dunbar we’re evolutionary hard- wired for it. Gossip is the human equivalent of the 'social grooming' seen among our primate cousins -- where they pick out nits and twigs from each other’s fur, to bond and feel close.

Hmmm…. think about that phrase “to keep in touch”! It sorta sounds like the definition of animals' Nit-n-Twig Plucking, doesn’t it?

Here’s another theory on gossip. According to psychologist Geoffrey Miller, gossip evolved as a helpful courtship device – as the human equivalent of a peacock tail. Basically, gossip is what we humans use to compete for and attract sexual partners, because it’s how we 'advertise' or 'self-promote' our social status, values, and intelligence. Gossip is our Great Do I Bond Or Not Bond Determinator! It's what reveals which behaviors you and other people find acceptable -- or unacceptable -- and thereby if you find your gossiper or gossipee acceptable or unacceptable for further socialization purposes!

With this in mind, if you want to become a far more popular member of any group (aka your office, an organization, a local community) just start to listen more carefully to this group’s critical gossip. You’ll quickly discover people’s boundaries and rules -- and thereby know what to do -- or not do -- to make sure you're a welcomed member of this group!

And gossip has even been shown to improve health! Just as ‘social grooming’ between primates stimulates endorphins, making animals more relaxed – the 'vocal grooming' we call gossip also been researched to relax humans, and lower blood pressure.

It’s sort of funny when you think about the odd evolution of gossip since its stone age origins.

In the last few decades, with modern, busy urban life the way it is, scattering families and friends, and busying people up with far too much to do, there’s been a veritable epidemic of social isolation – with little time to indulge in this vocal-grooming called gossip.

Sure, for a while we had the the cosiness of gossip over the garden fence. As well as those satisfying quickie hits of 'Hello, nice day isn't it?' as we passed our friends and family in the local village.

But as modern world speeded us up and separated us apart, for a long while even those simple and comforting friendly 'Hello, nice day isn't it?' had fallen by the way side.

Now…enter the space-age technology of mobile cellphones… and finally we’re back once again to enjoying our daily “vocal- grooming” patterns -- with the same ease and frequency of “constant touch” not shared together since stone-age times!

Thank you, modern cell phone, for helping to scratch our stone age itch once again!

can you raed tihs? i cdnolt blveiee taht i cluod auclaclty uesdntnrd waht i was rdanieg.

the pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. the rset cn be a taotl mses and you can siltl raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and i awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!if yuo can raed tihs psas tihs bolg on.

The above is from a terrific book I am reading by Madeleine L. Van Hecke, PhD. called BLIND SPOTS:WHY SMART PEOPLE DO DUMB THINGS.

Dr. Van Hecke explains that for the very same reasons you can read this gobbly-gook above -- you are also destined to do dumb things sometimes.

Basically...as an adult your brain is now filled up with lots of beliefs on how things should be -- in the same way you have a sense of how words should be. The problem: some of your beliefs are totally incorrect -- or very much correct -- but stubbornly single-minded.

As a result, when you look at an event, problem, new person, you will often fill in the open gaps of missing info with just plain dumb conclusions.

You know when you say: "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" Or..."HOW DUMB OF ME?!"

Those were all because you were diong waht the tset abvoe shwoed you hvea a tnendnecy to do -- flling in blnkas wthi wrnog infrmomatoin!

"Blind spots" are why bank robbers have been known to write stick-up notes on the back of their very own check-book receipts. Or... why you might initially think "Chateaubriand" is a new wine -- or yell at someone in public for their demeaning behavior -- thus doing the very behavior you're trying to correct.

The good news: Dr. Van Hecke argues that you're not actually always stupid when you do or think stupid things -- you're just experiencing a "blind spot" moment -- due to your projected thinking getting in the damn way.

Luckily, there are specific techniques to increase your range of vision -- beginning with developing stronger BEGINNER'S MIND.

In Buddhism "BEGINNERS MIND" is described as the pure lens with which someone who is absolutely new to a situation can see the world -- with full clarity.

There's a famous Buddhist quote: "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilties. In the expert's mind there are few."

Children unwittingly have BEGINNER'S MIND -- hence why kids are often smarter than adults at problem-solving puzzles.

If you'd like to learn a dozen helpful specific techniques to aid you having less "blind spot" moments -- please join me and the good doctor on my Sirius radio show BE HAPPY DAMMIT on August 20th, 8am to 9am EST - on Lime 114.

Feel free to call in to confess your most silly "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" moments -- and get advice from Dr. Van Hecke on curing your particular blind spots.

If yuo dnto wnat to lsiten thtsa oaky. Jsut konw bilnd sopts mghit stirke wehn laest epxecetd!