Do opposites REPEL? Similars ATTRACT?

I'm back... with trait#2 of 10: REACTIVITY STYLES.

And…as with all of these 10 traits, the first step to discovering your best match, is to find out how YOU measure up.

ARE YOU BIG TIME REACTIVITY?

People who are reactive are very aware of their feelings – and tend to experience intense emotions. When they have a conflict, their immediate response is to openly and instantaneously express all views. They believe that this instantant expression is a fundamental part of being “genuine.”

ARE YOU SMALL TIME REACTIVITY?

People who are low in reactivity tend to take extreme pride in their ability to manage both their internal and external reactions to conflict. They believe instantaneous and total expression of emotions is destructive, and it’s thereby wiser to wait before speaking about upsetting issue...and sometimes withhold some of the full truth about their feelings.

TWO SIMILARS: BIG TIME REACTIVITY

Two highly reactive people will tend to form a partnership that is very passionate and highly expressive. It will be challenging but essential for this duo to find a way to constructively communicate during conflict without allowing their frustrations to reach levels of irreversible division. With this in mind, there’s a big risk that these partners will not be able to find a way to manage their emotions and resolve conflict in a mutually agreeable way, and so this partnership will often be short-lived.

IN SUMMARY:

These SIMILARS REPEL. There’s some hope for success….if both partners agree to create a shared system to tame initial stormy knee-jerk-you’re-a-jerk responses.

TWO SIMILARS: SMALL TIME REACTIVITY

Two people low in reactivity are apt to enjoy a peaceful partnership. However, their calm demeanor might be a result of quashed feelings. If these true emotions are never expressed, they might later dangerously emerge as passive aggressive anger, unexpected blowups or total stonewalling. When and if these people choose to completely shut down, so will the relationship.

IN SUMMARY:

These SIMILARS REPEL. There’s some hope for this duo, if they can learn to view the expression of repressed heartfelt emotion as a positive source for intimacy and passion.

OPPOSITES:

The dynamic between a highly reactive person and a non-reactive person can yield many benefits during conflict. The non-reactive person would likely use their own calm demeanor to prevent arguments from escalating. The reactive person would be able to express him or herself knowing that their partner would balance this energy and manage the intensity of their division.

IN SUMMARY:

These OPPOSITES ATTRACT.

Do opposites repel and similars attract?

trait#3 of 10: nurturing styles

Some people believe that opposites attract – but often the opposite is true. It all depends on the characteric value in question. Are we talking about communication styles, reactivity styles, socialness styles, etc? When it comes to nurturing styles, below you’ll find some helpful insights on whether or not you’re better off with someone who is opposite or similar to you. And…the first step to discovering your best match, is to find out what kind of a nurturer YOU are.

BIG TIME NURTURERS:
People who are high on nurturing are often found helping their friends move apartments, bringing over the chicken soup, setting people up on blind dates, meeting for quick cups of coffee and sympathy, coaching folks to ask for that raise. Basically, when they’re told a tough-luck story, they immediately empathize and feel an automatic urge to lend a helping hand. And they don’t think twice, because they love that feeling of giving and feeling needed. They also feel sharing expressions of emotion, sympathy and comfort are what makes for closeness and happiness.

SMALL TIME NURTURERS:
People who are low on nurturing are less likely to want to get into long conversations about other people's problems, or offer up that extra hand in assistance. Then again, on the other hand of that assisting hand, they don’t necessarily want assistance from others either. They might even find an overt showing of sympathy to be smothering, and equate someone giving assistance as a form of interference or demeaning behavior. They believe in self-sufficiency as a way of life, and so they therefore give unto others what they expect to get in return – which is a reserved amount.

DO OPPOSITE REPEL…. OR SIMILARS ATTRACT?

SIMILARS:
Two people big on nurturing will wind up creating a relationship in which each partner feels willing to depend upon the other. This dynamic exchange helps the couple feel very close, intimate, supported.

IN SUMMARY:
I believe these TWO SIMILARS attract! But I also give a BIG WARNING: Trouble can sometimes sneak up on these couples if they become too focused on taking care of the other’s needs ahead of their own.

SIMILARS:
Two people low in nurturing will feel happy that their boundaries are being respected and that they don’t feel overly smothered by too much expressiveness. And actually, these guarded boundaries can become an important part of helping these individuals maintain their identity – which will then make them feel very safe, respected, fulfilled and content. HOWEVER…. these relationships will also lack a certain warmth, with each partner at times not feeling needed by the other.

IN SUMMARY:
These TWO SIMILARS might attract – but that depends on the true level of self-sufficiency the people want deep down.

OPPOSITES:
A highly nurturing person dating a less nurturing person will often feel their partner is cold and not giving. The nurturer will complain about all the sacrifices they are making and the closeness they are lopsidedly offering. The non-nurturer will feel loved -- but smothered by what they view as intrusiveness. And the non-nurtuer will also resent being pushed to be more expressive, or made to feel as if they are an uncaring person.

IN SUMMARY:
These TWO OPPOSITES repel.