LOOK BEFORE YOU DO A LOVER’S LEAP!

Walk, don’t run, into that relationship!

So, it finally happened. You lucked out and met someone you feel could be “the” one – versus the usual just another one.

You’re excited. And with this exuberance comes the urge to run not walk into a serious commitment.

You tell yourself if you feel this strongly, it must be real – so why fake otherwise?

You’re not into playing games.

But the truth is you could be playing a big game with yourself if you rush your crush.

Your rushing might not be fueled by sheer almighty desire – but by your neurotic need to control your partner and the relationship.

And, here’s A Big Love Irony: Rushing love actually leads to less control -- because often when you rush that crush you're morely likely to crash that crush.

Many people who move speedily into a relationship wind up scaring off their partner – or even unwittingly scaring off themselves.

Plus, there’s also a Big Love Irony, Part Two: It doesn’t matter how fast you get somewhere, if you’re heading in the wrong direction. Often when you rush a crush, you don’t gather enough important information that could better help you suss out if you’re psyched about someone with longterm warm and loving compatibility -- or merely riled up over short term hot lustful chemistry.

For all these reasons, often speed kills when it comes to love. (I also don’t recommend speed for dieting. I once did it – and all it made me do was eat faster.)

Just think about what happens when you move slowly vs. quickly down a street in a car.

If you drive slowly – you notice many more details.

If you speed, you just get a big blur of data.

Well, this goes ditto on dating data.

If you enter a relationship slowly, you’re more likely to notice those dealbreakers staring you in the face.

Conversely, if you rush on in, you might not be able to handle those dangerous personality curves and surprise emotional potholes.

Yes, it’s rather ironic that this need for speed comes from hoping to gain more certainty about the future, and instead leads to a lot less control – well, as if any control at all is ever possible!

Which brings me to A Big Life Irony: Control and certainty do not exist.

Even quantum physicists can’t control the movement of a particle in a petrie dish. And if a super smart physics’ can’t control one of the teeniest objects on this planet, well, you’re no better off trying to control your relationship.

In the end, you just have to ride the relationship out to see where it is going -- and I suggest that you do the riding very slowly so nobody gets hurt.

FOUR tips to help you slow down your love engines:

Tip#1:
You know how there’s a 24-hour rule on buying a gun? Gun stores make you wait, in case your emotions are too riled up to see clearly how to best use that gun. Well, the same goes with that loaded other kind of pistol. (Ahem, insert sexual entendre reference here.) Always wait at least 24 hours after you’ve met a person until you sleep with them. And if possible, be sure you want to be totally exclusive with your crush before you have sex, because post-sex leads to hyper-vulnerability and uber-expectations.

Tip#2
Meet your crush’s friends – and keep in mind that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree – and neither does the bad banana.

Tip#3
Spend three days in a row together on a vacation before you declare it’s almighty love. The goal: to see each other without all the make up on – not just the cosmetic make up, but the metaphysical make up people wear to cover up and hide those flaws.

Tip#4
Talk about dealbreakers upfront so they don’t become relationship crashers later. Find out your crushes views on religion, money and sex and children– and preferably before sex (and definitely before children!).